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Toddlers: 24 Months+
rjeller32
member
Cell phone mothers
rjeller32
member
I have been noticing a lot lately that when we go to the park or the playground near my house, just about every mother is sitting on their cell phone (some I have even seen in their car) while their children run rampant. They hardly glance up once, God forbid they pay attention to their child long enough to ignore a text. What gets me most about this, is when a child is being a little too rude to my kids or the other kids, and not being told to stop. I once had to pull a little boy off of my daughter because he was sitting on her not letting her up, and the mom didn't look up once. My question is what do I do? These aren't my kids, I feel uncomfortable telling these kids what to do or not to do, and obviously their moms don't seem to care what they do. It's extremely frustrating..
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Re: Cell phone mothers
Honestly, I think you just don't do anything. Unless the kids are about to hurt your child or about to be seriously injured themselves then ignore them. They're not your kids. That's the attitude I take. Plus I don't like it when strangers talk to my kids (generally) so I say let the kids be and let the moms be.
EDIT: and if a kid is ripping a toy away from your kid or hurting your kid, then step in and gently tell the other child not to hit or whatever and that's it. Not much else you can do with other people's kids.
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You can say to the other child "can you please get up, because you are hurting her" and if he doesn't then say something to the parent.
You have a right to say something to the parent if your child is being harmed. Just don't touch or scream at the other child.
This- if the child being rude is affecting my child (e.g. pushing, hitting, taking a toy away), then I'll say something to the child. But if the kid is just being rude in general (like throwing dirt) I would just leave it.
However- if the child was sitting on my child, I would remove them as I said "do not sit on my child, you are hurting him". I know you shouldn't touch someone else's kid, but I'm not waiting for that mom to pay attention and pull their kid off.
Eh, I don't think that I am on my phone all the time, but if I just have DD at the park, I have no issues with checking my email etc. At almost 2.5 my DD doesn't need me to constantly be following her around, playing with her, and generally saying 'yay you did it' all the time. She needs to learn how to play without me. Now, I would step in if there was an issue, and it sounds like it from your kid being sat on, but I do generally think that kids need to figure out how to work things out without parents interferring.
In the past I have had made comments to kids that pushed DD down, didn't make a huge deal out of it, but did acknowledge it.
I agree with this. Another thing to remember is that some moms might also be working. Not everyone can afford daycare! Best to stay out of another person's business unless their child is hurting your child.
I agree that I wouldn't jump to judgement. They shouldn't be so tuned out that they don't notice their child hurting someone, but it may be that they just spent the past 3 hours having direct one-on-one time with their kid and the park is some brief "me time".
But if your child is being pushed or sat on I would definitely say something to the other kid. I wouldn't yell, but I would ask them to please play nice (or something along those lines).
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My daughter's a pretty small two year old and older kids just love her. They think she's a baby? I don't know. But they constantly want her to be around them. So they try and pick her up and pull her arm to get her to go with them. I usually will say something nicely about letting her walk or only go if she wants. Sometimes the other child is VERY persistant though and even though my daughter is yelling "stop!" and waving her arms they persist. I'l use a different tone and if they don't listen I'll find their parents.
In all, my child is mine. I care about her. I love her. I want her safe. I will do anything to make her safe. Even if the other parent is unhappy.
If there was another child on top of my child I would remove them. Immediately. Then I would probably remove my child from that situation and take her someone else or to a different part of the park. Sadly, you can't change other parents.
I just read this a few minutes ago.
https://www.scarymommy.com/dear-mom-judging-me/
I just read that, too!
I belong to a moms group. We have large rambunctious play dates at the parks and some at homes. I have no qualms with talking to a child who is acting out, whether part of our group or not.
That being said, sometimes we get distracted talking to each other, much like being on the phone. I agree with the article. My moms group or social media are my outlet and connection to the world. Is it any different than a mom with a book? Nope but we get judged. There is a stigma against phones.
i really don't understand how parents allow their young children to roam free with such little supervision. i definitely judge the mom on her phone unless she's got older kids. even worse in my child's speech therapy group there's a mom who spends the whole session on the phone instead of paying attention to find ways how to help her child. on top of it her child is agressive and rough so i'm constantly having to protect my much smaller daughter from her child since she just doesn't parent since facebook apparently trumps caring for her child. it drives me batty.
in terms of what to do--i usually redirect my kids far away from children that are unsupervised and acting inappropriately.
don't get me wrong--i definitely check out while my kids are eating breakfast or playing quietly together to check email or get some mindless entertainment on the bump. everyone needs some 'me' time. i don't need to spend every waking minute keeping them entertained or hovering over them. i dont think a public playground is the place to get 'me' time. i think it's a huge safety issue to let your toddler/preschool aged child roam free at a park/playground while you sit on the bench with your iphone. i don't think you necessarily need to follow them but a set of eyes on them at all times is appropriate. i am the furthest thing from a helicopter mom but it will definitely be at least a few more years before i let my child play unsupervised while i sit and read.
It really depends on where we go. There is an indoor play area at the mall that LO can go and play independently and doesn't following him around making sure he is okay. The space is self contained except for one entrance and that is usually where sit, to make sure he doesn't leave. I have no problem pulling out my phone for a few minutes and checking emails
However, at the park where it is more open and there is equipment that is made for older kids as well, I typically keep an eye on him.
Also just because someone is glancing at their emails, doesn't mean that they aren't watching their kid.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
this is what I am talking about. I am not one to think that you should be playing constantly with your kid at the park. The park for us is a place where my child can get some time playing with other kids, and I can sit back and enjoy watching her, or if she wants, I join in. But I definitely think a park is an inappropriate place to be glued to your phone. If you really need to catch up on work that bad, then you would not be taking your child to the park. To me, I find this as a huge danger to your own child, someone could take them in a matter of seconds, it happens all the time, and a child this young can't always understand that strangers are bad.
All that said, I am glad to hear all of the different sides to the story. And I am sure most of you on here that do enjoy their phones while their children run and play are not neglectful of your children. I do enjoy my social networking while my child plays, but I do so at home, while she is in the backyard, or playing with her father, or sleeping. My child comes first over the internet, so it does bother me to see the parents that I was referring to.
I do also like the advice to ask the child where their parent is, I will be doing that next time a situation between a child and my LO happens.
See, this completely rubs me the wrong way. There is a difference between playing a round a "bejeweled" to take a mental breather, and doing "work" from your phone while your kids run around unsupervised. Why am I supposed to "parent" your child because you can't afford or don't want to pay for childcare? Make sure my child is "safe" from your child?
I'm not saying you have to helicopter your child, I don't stand over my child either, but I don't "work" from my phone and leave my kids to run around. Let your children run around in your own home if you can't supervise them.
i agree with this. if you can't afford full time childcare that's one thing, but why not hire a mother's helper for a few hours after school. there are plenty of teenage girls who would love to make eight dollars an hour for two hours to day to help out while mom works from home. take her to the playground with you so your children are properly supervised. problem solved.
even the best behaved children need supervision at that young an age and need to be supervised from other kids. kids can get aggressive and pushy. kids get hurt that way.
I do have a job that keeps me on call 24/7, we have childcare during normal work hours, but a lot of my work also takes place sporadically throughout the day/night. If I get an email to my phone, I will check it to determine the importance. Most phone calls I avoid in general when I'm with the fam.
IMO, it's a little harsh to say Mom's who "work" at the park shouldn't be going at all. I think glancing at the occasional email is far less irresponsible than sitting on my phone playing a game. I'm not holding board meetings, or closing deals, I'm glancing at an email. If my phone doesn't buzz, I don't have it out.
I understand Moms saying they don't appreciate other Moms who use playgrounds as a "babysitter," this annoys me also. Regardless of what they're doing I don't think it's fair (or safe) to dump your kids for other parents to watch while you zone out. I've seen this happen far too often & it's lazy parenting.
DD #2 2 years old (08/17/11)
DD #3 born 08/29/13