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do you acknowledge when your kid uses good manners?

KathrynMDKathrynMD member
in Pre-School and Daycare

if so how? DD has been kinda hit or miss w/ the manners unless specificaly prompted but she's been doing a really good job lately of saying please and thank you unprompted. So, when she does, I've been trying to notice it and compliment her on it (hey! nice manners!) but this morning she sighed when I did it and asked "Mama, how many days are you going to say "hey! nice manners!?" which her way of saying that's starting to get obnoxious.

I tried to explain that I just wanted to tell her I thought it was good to use manners and she again sighed and told me she already knew that! IDK - I always thought positive reinforcement was the way to go, but apparently I'm annoying my daughter with compliments.

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Re: do you acknowledge when your kid uses good manners?

  • brightningbrightning member
    Maybe at the end of the day you could just say, "I noticed you had really good manners today."
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  • QueSrahQueSrah member

    Maybe you can back off for a while on all of the positive reinforcement if it's starting to bug her.  Rather than in the moment, can tell her at bedtime that she's doing very well with her manners that day?  Something where you tell her you're proud of how hard she's working, but not saying it so often that it's annoying?

    Or maybe you can pick a new behavior to target for your positive reinforcement for a while?

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  • jlw2505jlw2505 member
    I do but it sounds like it is too much for your DD right now.  Move to still letting her know you you noticed but not every single time.  We try to catch the kids doing good/behaving well over all vs just pointing out the bad.  For example, for every negative we point out, we need to try to find 4 positives.  They do a version of this at the kids school and if they get caught being good, they get a ticket that goes into a lottery for a special pancake breakfast. 
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  • VTbride05VTbride05 member
    I say things like "DS is setting a really great example of good manners", or "Thanks for remembering to use your fork". Be specific.
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  • jc&catjc&cat member

    I agree with the end of the night recap or maybe say to someone else like DH at the dinner table, "DD did a great job with manners today" with a specific example. Overall, i did giggle at your DD's response b/c my DS is getting to the age of the sigh and i thought we were still far from that stuff!

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  • steverstever member
    I try to reinforce it by being polite back. If he says "may I please have" yada yada, then I'll say,"yes you may." If he says "thank you" I say "you're welcome." I basically try to let him know through polite words that I've acknowledged his polite words. KWIM?

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  • Aeeg520Aeeg520
    What do you do if she doesn't use good manners? If she says "mommy get me milk" do you give it to her? DD doesn't get anything if she doesn't ask for it politely. We went for a few weeks where almost every time I would say "is that how you should ask for something" or "can you use your manners please". Now, she almost never forgets and strangers routinely compliment her on her manners! I'm all got positive reinforcement, but once you know they know that they should be using manners, I think it's perfectly okay to call them out on it!!!
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  • LoCarbLoCarb member

    I remark when DD has good behavior and like yours she will sometimes make a comment back. Then I just leave it alone a few days before starting back up with the positive reinforcement.

     

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  • MNgirl326MNgirl326 member

    imageVTbride05:
    I say things like "DS is setting a really great example of good manners", or "Thanks for remembering to use your fork". Be specific.

    This.

    Maybe say, thank you for saying please.  Or I'm glad you asked nicely for that.

    To say thank you for using your manners is so vague, it is probably getting old hearing it.  Its like saying, be good. 

    Be more specific and in normal conversation just drop it in every once in awhile. 

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  • meldoo2002meldoo2002 member
    I don't really.  I just expect they use them or I don't give them what they asked for, etc.  

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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member

    We've been doing this since my kids were 1 with the positive reinforment for just about everything--nice words, nice manners, you tried really hard and I'm proud of you, nice waiting for your turn, etc.

    I agree with switching gears to another behavior you'd like to reinforce/keeping it to bedtime only if it's having the opposite effect.

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