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Babies: 3 - 6 Months
How to wean LO off of need for CONSTANT attention?
I?ve created a little monster...my almost 3 mo old refuses to stay put w/o being held or constantly attended to. How do I go about weaning him off his need for constant interaction/stimulation? If I leave him by himself with floor toys he starts whining. The whining ABRUPTLY stops as soon as someone goes over and starts talking to him or picks him up. It resumes as soon as we walk away.I tried leaving him alone for 10-15 minutes but he escalates from whining to crying.
If I could stay at home and not work I wouldn't be worried... but I?m so very concerned about how he?ll adapt when I return to work and he does not have a doting mother to fawn all over him the entire day. So far the only thing that seems to help is putting a mirror in front of him so he sees what I believe he thinks is another baby! That only lasts so long however. I would appreciate suggestions for how I can wean him from the need for nonstop attention and other ?activities? I can provide to interest him/keep him occupied.
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Re: How to wean LO off of need for CONSTANT attention?
Are you an SAHM? If I was, this would not be a concern for me at all. I'd continue to give him unlimited attention all day long. But I know he's not going to get this in a childcare setting...which is why I want to "soften the blow" so to speak.
I think I need to revise my approach and try leaving him for 5 minutes at a time. I have tried keeping him in a bouncy seat in front of me and bouncing him but it's the same deal - he cries until I actually pick him up.
Ds is almost 6 months old and is still like this. (Ds#1 was not like this at all).
I am just starting to be able to put ds in the exersaucer for 5 minutes or so.
Does your dc just do it to you? or everyone? ds#2 is slightly better for DH...allowing him to put him down for maybe 10-15 minutes. However, as soon as I walk in...he wants to be held by me. I wish I could get more done, but for now I will just deal with it. I suppose there will come a time when he wont want me to hold him anymore.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
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I don't know what kind of daycare you're going to be leaving your LO with, but if it's a good one, they'll know that 3 month old babies need love and affection.
I worked at a daycare for 3.5 years, and we were just at ratio (how many teachers per child, no more teachers than that; they couldn't afford more). I would not send my child to the daycare I worked at because of the lack of teachers.
If your child care center has more teachers than required, they should be holding little babies that want to be held. It makes me sick to my stomach that some daycares don't care about babies' need to be held.
No, I'm not. DS has been in day care since he was 10 weeks old. He is in a center, and his teacher was able to care for him just fine. Babies are completely different at day care than they are at home. DS still is, and he's 15 months old.
How selfish of him to want love and attention all the time?! Ugh. You should definitely try "time out" and leave him in the room for a half hour unattended. Hopefully it'll wean him!
This. Babywearing saved my life with DS1.
I just keep coming back to this. How hard is it to talk to him and make him happy? I mean really. And seriously, leaving him alone for 10-15 minutes while he's screaming? He's not even three months old!
Here's a suggestion: Read a fuckking book, even if it's WTETheFirstYear.
I can't believe I'm reading this.
Your baby is not manipulative and is not tricking you into picking him up. The only things your baby needs right now is food, sleep and your attention. If you can't give him attention, find someone that fuccking can.
Here I sit, at work, anxiously waiting the time when I get to leave and go cuddle my sweet baby. And I'm reading your whiney complaint thread about your baby wanting attention. Poor pitiful you.
And for Christ's sake, babies at this age CANNOT be left to CIO!
I don't know if I made it clear, but this is probably one of the most anger inducing threads I've read. In a while. So there's that.
Me too.
My reply was harsh if she didn't mean it how it sounds, but seriously...she's giving her baby some tough "love"...so I gave it right back.
Wow. Just wow. Did you read the updated post I have above where I said teh following: "It's just breaking my heart to think I have to leave him and go back to work and he will be craving this level of attention while I"m away."
And I also noted that if I was an SAHM I would have NO PROBLEM giving nonstop attention.
I'm worried about what it will feel like for him to suddenly go from having his mom giving him constant attention (which I have no problem doing), to suddenly being in a childcare setting, with another provider who will never provide the level of love and attention I can. I'm trying to find a way to transition him into this environment so he isn't extremely upset when the time does come for me to go back to work and I am not there to hold him all the time. The thought brings tears to my eyes but I don't really have a choice at the moment.
I'm surprised at the kind of responses I received when I was just looking for good advice from other moms on how to make things more bearable for my baby when I can't be there. I thought that's what these boards are for. And I didn't actually mean he is a monster - "little monster" was an endearing term. Anyway, I'll stay off of this board. Bye.
And I guess you must not have seen where I came back and admitted that I may have been a little harsh. So here's that again, for starters:
I admit that your OP made my blood boil. However, I've been at work, missing my LO since 8:30 this morning. Remember that tone and "what not" does not always come across as intended over the internet. So you're term of endearment
"Little Monster" coupled with the fact that you admittedly leave your 3 month old alone for 10-15 minutes at a time while letting him get increasingly more upset just broke my heart.
Your 3mo old is no where near old enough to even understand what you're trying to do. All he thinks is "My mama is not coming for me". There is a lot of research out there that suggests that the more coddling you do while they're younger, the more independent they will be in the long run. It seems counterintuitive at face value, but when you think about it: A baby that has been coddled knows his/her mother will be back and can stand to take the risk.
On my days off, I spend the entire day cuddling and holding my LO (who is now almost 4mos old) because I feel so bad being away from him all day. You shouldn't leave your LO at a daycare facility where you aren't comfortable knowing that someone is paying attention to him. If you think your 3mo will be left to CIO, I would look for other providers, JMO.
There is no actual answer to your question in this thread because you can't wean a 3mo old from needing love and attention. I understand and I know how trying it can be sometimes when you just want/need to get something else done, but our babies need us more than we need to do anything else (laundry, eat...)
Hope you don't really GBCB.
Wow. God forbid you walk away from your baby to put dinner in the oven or empty the dishwasher. My daughter was like this around three months too then she just became more independent on her own. We used to put her in her swing and walk away to do something and she would wine until we were standing in front of her holding her hand then she would be smiling. It's hard to get stuff done in the beginning but it will hopefully get easier and she'll be more independent.
You're not a terrible mom and some people on here are just overreacting.
Ten minutes or more is too long, I'm sorry, especially if Lo is just crying.
Hi!
I might suggest reposting this on the Working Mom's board. I find that board is very helpful and responsive for answering questions about returning back to work.
Unfortunately, I really don't have any answers for you. I spent a few hours in my daughters daycare room after the Christmas Party (I was waiting around to go to my older DD's party the same day). I will tell you that I was so impressed with how the girls interacted with the babies! No one was left to cry. Perhaps it would make you feel better if you talked to the lead teacher in the baby room to find out just how they handle high needs babies. I'm sure yours isn't the first!
Good luck!
This. Also, it's your nanny/babysitter/DCP job to pay attention to and take care of your child. No, they won't be with him every second, but they won't be leaving him for 15+ minutes by himself unless he's sleeping, I'd hope. Babies that small need a lot of attention. That's normal.
My baby can be like this. I just bring his bouncy seat around with me. I chat to him about how to cook while I cook I talk about laundry I'm folding, etc. if he starts getting whiny or upset I stop what I'm doing and tickle hs fee or a minute or play with his hands or something. That little bit of physical contact every few minutes keeps him happy so I can finish my chore. There are times where I walk away for a couple minutes and he cries if I'm doing something I can't bring him to, like the basement to put in laundry, help DD in the bathroom, etc. when they are more mobile nd can do more, they won't need you so much.
As for daycare, its different. Thy have a totally different routine there. I wouldn't worry about them wanting to be held. I remember DD would only nap on me and he would take to 2 hour naps at daycare LOL
Hi, my Lo needed constant holding and attention at that age. He had bad colic from day one and it lasted ten weeks. During that time, he was held and comforted alot so got quite used to it. I must also say, i had to leave him alone in his crib to take a breather on several occasions during that time (and yes her cried but he also cried when i held him most of the time). I literally thought i was going to lose my mind as he hardly ever slept and i was beyond exhausted and alone with no help and a husband in work.
Anyway my point is, post colic he just adapted over time and got better. I don't think you can wean him from the holding and attention, time just helps this issue. My little fella is almost 6 months and is honestly like a different baby and i didn't try to do anything other than stick to a schedule with him. He got there on his own, is sleeping great at night and is happy to play away on his own.
I understand your anxiety over leaving Lo soon. I didn't have that issue but remember thinking if i had to go back to work, who on earth would mind him as he never slept, cried alot and wanted to be on me constantly. I think a few weeks makes a big difference with babies. Just spend time with LO as your doing, don't try to wean him as i don't hink it'll make a difference and good luck!
Well aren't you just a sweetie?
Seriously....go pound sand...you'll get farther in life that way.
LOL for a sec I thought you were calling my baby overweight. But he's fuckinggorgeous, so I know that's not the case.
Shouldn't you be like, GBCBing like the rest of the PR newbs in this thread?
I've been forced to get my son used to sitting on his own since I have to pump after each time I feed him. He sits right next to me, but it's taken a good month for him to get used to it. And still now, he cries for a portion of it. But there is nothing I can do about that, absolutely nothing. I have to pump to supplement his feeding and I can't hold him at the same time. Don't let these people make you feel guilty, it sounds like you are a great mom just trying to prepare your baby.
People are being extremely rude on this post. If you constantly hold your baby, they don't reach the milestones they should like holding their head up, rolling over etc. Yes, holding your baby is very important, but so is allowing them to play independently (but supervised) for short periods of time.
I'd suggest doing it gradually, like putting him on the floor and playing with him without holding him for a while. Then when he does better with that, let him play in a blanket or in a bouncy seat in the same room that you are in, while you do dishes, chores etc. and talk to him. My son plays by himself very well, but I'm always in the same room and talk or sing to him frequently. And I always make sure he gets plenty of playtime with mommy too. Its about finding a good balance, they need to learn to play independently and reach and grasp for toys to develop coordination, but they also learn a lot from being social, like being sung to, read to or talked to.
oh darn.