Twin boys' early c-section 2/28 (due 3/22)

OK, so I guess I didn't end up being a March momma after all! Hope it's okay if I still linger with this group though. The birth and the past few days have been extremely eventful with lots of intense ups and downs. There is much more detail I will post at a later time, but wanted to hit the highlights (the good and bad) about the c section experience specifically.

Throughout most of my pregnancy, my twins were both head down and in good position for a vaginal delivery. Things started going a bit haywire around 32 weeks or so when they changed position and some other complications arose (will save for another post someday). I ended up getting a scheduled c-section date of 3/11, which later got bumped up to 3/4 due to the complications.

On 2/28, I went with my mom (who has been staying with me for the past few weeks as it had gotten more difficult for me to get around) for my final scheduled NST visit at the L&D unit. It was a pretty normal day...we had just come from Wal-Mart and were planning on grabbing some lunch at Chipotle after the appt. I was feeling fine, relatively speaking. Well, during my appt, I ended up generating some abnormally high blood pressure readings (in the 170's) and the doc wanted to monitor me for a few hours and keep checking the bp. I didn't really think it was a big deal at the time. Well, after my bp didn't really come down, the doc came in and said "I think we need to do the c-section today." Took me and my mom by complete surprise but I stayed calm and was like "alrighty then." She said she had a few c-sections ahead of me and it would probably be about three hours. So I gave DH a call at work and he headed home to pick up my bag, grab a few other items, and meet me at the hospital.

Honestly, it was kind of an ideal set-up. No anxious anticipation of the surgery...I only had three hours to worry and honestly I didn't get worried much at all. I never had to worry about going into labor or rushing to the hospital. DH got to the hospital with an hour to spare and I watched him eat KFC while I filed my fingernails and we chatted about rearranging our plans for the weekend.

The anesthesiologist came in to get me prepped and DH was asked to change into scrubs for the OR. I got an IV and walked into the OR. I saw the table there in the middle of the room surrounded by bright lights and it had those arm supports laid out in the shape of a cross. As I climbed onto the table, I kept thinking to myself, "I can't believe this is really about to happen." They quickly did my spinal block, which did not hurt...just felt a bit weird. They told me I would start to get a warm feeling and surely enough, I immediately felt a strong wave of warm numbness come over my body from my feet and slowly up to my chest. Almost instantly I could not feel my body from the upper torso on down. The staff had to lie me down on the table as I had already lost the control to do it myself (within maybe 30 seconds of getting the block). I started feeling a warm comfy "buzz" and found myself chatting it up with the staff as if I had a few too many martinis. I'm not sure if that was due to the spinal or the morphine in my IV (I learned that, oddly, my anesthesiologist went to the same high school as me...like 500 miles away!!! It is probably a good thing to have a special connection with the person in charge of sticking a needle in your spine.) They then put the drape up, preventing me from seeing what was going on below.

But quickly, my warm buzz intensified to a really out of it kind of feeling. I felt like I was drifting far away from everything going on around me and everyone started sounding far away. I didn't feel right. I casually mentioned it to the staff and heard the anesthesiologist comment, "oh wow, look how low that is," referring to my blood pressure. I later learned they ended up giving me a shot of epinephrine since my bp dropped frighteningly low. Once I started coming back around, I noticed I felt very uncomfortable. The buzz had escalated into a helpless, uncomfortable feeling, like being extremely out of control drunk. My body felt like it was made of lead and it took every ounce of energy to keep my eyes open, focus on anything going on around me, and to answer basic questions. DH was escorted into the room and I could barely make eye contact with him, much less interact. I remember feeling miserable because I didn't care what was happening to me, but I knew it was a very important moment.I don't think my arms were strapped down on the cross, but I wouldn't have been able to move them even if I wanted to. I also remember it took a lot of effort to breathe because my chest was partially numb.

After a few short minutes, I asked the staff if they had even gotten started yet, if they had started cutting. And immediately, they responded, "actually, here comes Baby A, take a look!" And they pulled the drape down enough for me to see him being lifted up. It was crazy...I couldn't even feel that they had even started touching my abdomen, much less that I was completely opened up! Less than a minute later, they pulled out Baby B. I kind of remember hearing them crying and I think DH got up to go see them while they were being examined, but I started drifting off again and could not keep my eyes open. I hated it. I remember thinking to myself, "my babies have just been born..I've been waiting for this moment, and I'm just too doped up to care or open my eyes to see what is going on." I remember trying to fall asleep while they sewed me back up - which I didn't really feel either, just that I was being jostled a bit but it didn't hurt at all.

One of the staff eventually brought the babies over to us and offered to take some photos. He asked if I wanted to hold the babies and I had to tell him there was no way I could! I couldn't even feel my arms, much less have enough control over them to hold two babies. He took a few photos then whisked the babies off for some tests. Several staff moved from the OR table to a rolling bed (they had to use a board or something to transfer me as obviously I had no bodily control). They rolled the bed into a triage room for recovery. I started becoming more aware of things, but increasingly miserable because I still felt so doped up I couldn't force myself to care about anything. I wanted to care and be "present," but I just felt like I needed to sleep off a heavy drunkness. Plus I hated being numb and paralyzed, which I stayed for about 2 more hours. It was a weird feeling to use all your energy to try and make your leg move just an inch, but you can't do it. I was ravenously thirsty and begged the nurse for some ice chips. When she finally brought them, I savored those things like they were the most exquisite filet mignon you could ever taste.

Within a few hours, I was taken to the NICU to see my twins, as they were having trouble getting stabilized with their breathing. They were in little incubator-like machines and covered in tubes and wires. The staff wheeled my bed over to them and I was able to stick my arm in the holes and touch them. I was afraid to, honestly, and I remember I just tried to touch their hands gently and talk to them. I was still very out of it and feeling angry that I was not more alert to interact with them. (although that may have been a good thing because it might have been too emotionally overwhelming otherwise. DH was an emotional wreck throughout the whole process and he was frustrated with my lack of engagement in everything)

After a few brief minutes in the NICU, I was wheeled into my permanent Mother and Baby unit room. My babies were born at 6:50 and 6:51pm, and it took the rest of the evening for me to start sobering up and getting feeling back in my legs.

I stayed in the hospital for 4 days and my babies remain in the NICU. The pain from the c-section has been pretty intense, but it is becoming more manageable. Initially, I refused narcotic pain meds, but after the first day and a half, I gave in to the percocet which finally helped me to fall asleep after remaining awake for over 48 hours straight.

I have lots more to say about the health problems of my babies and my experiences with the NICU, but I will save all that for another post. Just wanted to cover the basics about my delivery experience, especially for the mommas with upcoming c-sections.

In a nutshell, the operation was quick and I felt a bit like I "cheated the system" because it was over and done with so efficiently (less than an hour from start of prep time to being wheeled into recovery). The procedure did not hurt a bit...in fact, I couldn't even tell they had started cutting by the time they began taking the babies out. The drawbacks were that I felt so doped up I could not be an active participant in the experience. I was passive and the delivery was something that happened to me vs. something I actively did. I hate that I didn't care about anything and honestly just wanted to be left alone to sober up. It was a rough couple of hours waiting to sober up and become more alert and less numb. It was very tough to be up and moving around in the days following the procedure and I felt a bit jealous of other moms who seemed to be up and moving better than me. 

I am glad the whole procedure is behind me and now I have two awesome baby boys to cuddle! They are just the sweetest, most cuddly, loving little boys. I also can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore! Oh, and by the way, I've lost THIRTY pounds since my NST appt last Thursday. My milk came in by Sunday evening and I have been getting skilled in pumping and working on getting the boys to breastfeed.