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Update - SD and Grades - emergency call
Two weeks ago I posted that SD (16) was coming back home (we have every other week) and we wanted to talk about her grades and missing a day of school the week before. The advice was great given here and DH and I had a plan of going to ask her how she felt about how she was doing in school; let her talk it out after supper. When SD was home from school he did ask her about the day she missed school and SD was not in a good mood (she wasn't the night before when DH talked to her on the phone either). Making supper and SD goes in her room. DH goes to her room to let her know it's ready - no answer - go to open the door and it's locked. We open it and we she's lying on her stomach on the floor. We ask if she's ok, what's going on, etc. She will not answer us. We try and have her sit up - she starts fighting, yelling, screaming, calling us names and DH and I were terrified. We ask if she took anything, or hadn't been taking her medicine. We said we loved her and just wanted to help her. We asked if she wanted to talk to someone - nothing we asked would get a response.
She has NEVER acted anything close to this - the most is when she is having a bad day and said she needs to be alone for awhile and will cry it out in her room. We didn't know what to think and were scared she took something because of her extreme behavior. We said if you can't talk to us we need to call 911 and make sure she's ok - nothing and then we called. She ended up being taken to a crisis center to talk to a counselor. The cop said what he sees going on is a teeenager who has rules at one house, not the other, and is acting out. The counselor talked to her and said she would kill herself or run away if she had to go back to our house that night - WHAT?? I don't know why they wouldn't put her on a 24 hour hold after that comment. They called her mom and she went to her house that night. BM called DH the next night ripping him a new one on how dare he called on his own daughter and that he is so awful for not trusting his daughter not to take anything (um - it has nothing to do with trust; SD has talked about suicide before). BM said it was time for them to be adults and look at SD spending more time at her place. DH said that wasn't going to happen that SD needed both of them. BM then said a court needed to decide that.
When SD came back home; nothing was said about what happened and it was like she was her old self - laughing and happy. What the heck just happened.....DH had called her regular counselor (she has been going for over 4 years) and he's not getting help there on what do we do now - I think we need to talk about it. The SD also told the counselor it became a "game" that night to see what we would do - which just makes me stinking mad - we were so worried about her. We just don't know what to do anymore - the houses are just completely different but heck - someone has to be the parent here. We see SD going down a road that her mom did and it is completely scaring us. Just trying to figure out where we go from here.
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Re: Update - SD and Grades - emergency call
BM called DH the next night ripping him a new one on how dare he called on his own daughter and that he is so awful for not trusting his daughter not to take anything
this is the problem, instead of bm threatening to take you to court, beat her to the punch
Thanks for the replys. DH also went to SD's school the next day and spoke with the counselor there. Has been very helpful and working through that too.
SD also started a group therapy which I hope is beneficial hearing and talking to other tenneagers. I think BM was just talk about going to court because she's said it before. Honestly with SD already being 16 it's a 1 1/2 - 2 year process in the court system and it's not easy to change. We would have to have something major that isn't us just saying we think SD is better off here. BM has really been playing up that DH is too hard on her and how she's the one that's there for etc it just makes me sick. DH and I are the ones at conferences, her school stuff, taking her to appts, etc and BM is not. Only recently when SD started getting tested for the depression/anxiety has she been involved in the appointments.
We just keep being parents and hope SD will see the light. It's just getting harder knowing "what" to do with all this going on.............