Need advice

DaizyMay22 · March 2013

My DH has been working long hours, he leaves before we wake up and gets home after the kids are in bed. We are able to spend a couple of hours in the evenings together before we go to bed but ever since DH started these long hours he just comes home, eats dinner and then sits on the couch and watches tv. I try to talk to him but he completely tunes out. He doesnt even know Im talking to him until I say his name 3 or 4 times. I know he's just trying to unwind from a long day and its physical labor so I know he's tired but I need some adult interaction and converstation after taking caring of our children all day. This project will go through the summer so this will be our situation for awhile. Im trying to figure out what I can do to get him to want to spend time with me when he's home rather than blank out in front of the tv.

pinkshades05 · March 2013

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe talk to him about setting aside 15min each night before he turns the tv on to talk to you so you at least get a few minutes before he collapses. That should hopefully be doable.

MollySm · March 2013

We have this problem, and while we haven't found a perfect solution, what we do is altername days. One night he can just veg and play video games, but the next night he hangs out with me. It's not perfect, but at least I know what to expect. I try and find other adults to interact with at least a few times during the week, too. It can be very hard to be around only children 24/7.

2chatter · March 2013

DH here travels from work M-TH and I work from home. I am entirely isolated with three kids, so I feel you. It sounds like you cannot count on your DH to meet all of your adult interaction needs...so what else can you do?

What has helped here: One night a week we do dinner with friends, here or at their house or at Chik Fil A.

One evening a week I run errands with the kids. At least it gets me out.

One day a week we either go to the park or have a "fun night" with a special activity, like a craft, a short movie, baking, or something.

These things break up the monotony and the grind, which I found is almost as good as adult interaction with my spouse each day.

jmccall79 · March 2013

When exSO and I were together, I found that if I let him come in, unwind, and just "be" for a little bit things were better. I'm not saying things were perfect, but if I bombarded him with "things" as soon as he came in the door, it all hit the fan really quick. So, maybe give him some time to unwind and then talk to him. And I'd make it a point to say that "I'm going to give you X minutes to unwind, can we talk after that? I'd love to hear how your went, and I'd love to tell you what the kids did today. So, I'll be back in X minutes." That way, he knows you're giving him his space, but also knows that you will be back and that you'd like to engage him.

nattyk · March 2013

Before we had DS, we had a "1/2 hour rule". Whoever got home last got at least 1/2 hour to unwind and do whatever they wanted. After that, it was fair game to ask for help around the house. Before we had put that into place, there were definitely times when the last person home would be cranky/overwhelmed. So maybe let him have a little bit of time when he gets home, with the expectation that he'll spend time with you after that.

I like Molly's idea too, to alternate nights. It's not perfect, but seems reasonable.

joie12 · March 2013

Sorry you have to deal with this. The PPs have given some really good advice. I'm dealing with an H who has recently started working longer hours, and it's hard for me to hold back and not bombard him the instant he walks in the door. I am looking forward to implementing some of the ideas from this thread! Hope you are able to find something that works for you both.

Want a personalized experience?

Need advice

Re: Need advice

Choose Another Board

Search Boards