High maintenance babies

UMichGirl · March 2013

If you consider your LO to be high maintenance could you elaborate a bit and explain why?

DS is SO high maintenance that DH is convinced there is some deeper issue wrong...sensory issues or health issues or something. As a back story, DS had had a very rough startIV meds in the hospital after delivery for possible infection, reflux since about a month old, milk protein allergy which has taken him on a path of five different formulas, etc. Since he was a few days old we've blamed the fussiness on allday colic and then reflux and the allergy. But he's 8 months old now, and outgrown the colic and he's on meds for the other two issues. So around 3 months old we started blaming teething but five months later here we are and still no sign of a tooth. He used to be a great sleeper but since about 5 and a half months he started waking up every 30 to 60 minutes and while overall things are better than that he still wakes crying multiple times a night sometimes crying while still asleep.

He is so freaking high maintenance. And loud. His hands are always always always banging on something, even if it's just his legs. He won't let you touch the tops of his hands...that really upsets him. He loses interest in most toys in just a few minutes. The only thing that he'll do for a prolonged period of time is his saucer. One or the other of us has to CONSTANTLY be entertaining him, and even still he will start crying, yelling, etc after just a few minutes. I'm SO TIRED of the whining crying fussiness.

He does have good days and in case you can't tell from the overall tone of my post, today isn't one of them. We would just like to know though that these are all normal baby things and DS just drew the short straw and got hit with every single one of them. Between having to deal with all of this with DS the fact that DH thinks there has to be something deeper wrong with him makes me feel like I'm going to lose it. So if I could read some of your high maintenance baby stories I'd really appreciate it. We of course bring up our concerns with the pedi but in the office DS sits there like an angelno banging, moaning, crying, writhing, etc. I just want to know if these things truly are normal or not.

ETA: He also is not a cuddly baby at all. I know some babies just aren't cuddlers, but that combined with the hand banging and everything else make us wonder if there really is something else going on.

acbfreire · March 2013

I am not sure if high maintenance defines DD. She doesn't cry much, but I cannot make her nap anywhere else but on me and since the 4 month wakeful I rarely wake up less than 4x/ night.

She is content, but I think she needs the extra cuddles. She is very tactile, like your LO sounds like. I think it is pretty normal. She is always moving her legs and feet. She does play by herself, but will cry for me after a bit. Again, normal baby stuff.

Regarding your concerns, what has your pedi said so far in appointments? Have you shared your concerns? Is your LO experiencing separation anxiety?

How is your LO developing in terms of communication. gross and fine motor skills, etc?

I really admire how you have overcome so many hardships. You are a great mom!

sasa625 · March 2013

My 1st DD was a difficult baby in terms of eating and sleeping. She screamed for the first 4 months, dealt with reflux until she was 2.5, and didn't STTN until she was over 3. She took awhile to become interested in toys too. I work in special Ed, so I was worried too. She's a perfectly normal 3 year old, although she does have some minor sensory issues (that I've diagnosed myself No therapy needed or anything).

I think that if you're worried, you can always seek help just to reassure yourself. But as long as he's hitting milestones, I would just give him some time. It's a little early to diagnose anything. Babies really do develop at their own rates and they are all different.

unaveragejane · March 2013

DS can still crank up the cranky some days and has a squeal that just drives me batty. Thankfully, he's easier to entertain now that he was a few months ago. I can usually keep him moving enough to stay content until about 4:00. DH comes home about 4:30, and by then it is definitely time for Mama to have a break!

With the sensory concerns, you might want to look into occupational therapy. It may be that he is a little bit hypersensitive to touch (especially on the backs of his hands) for whatever reason, and there are some activities that an OT could teach you that might help.

UMichGirl · March 2013

acbfreire:
I am not sure if high maintenance defines DD. She doesn't cry much, but I cannot make her nap anywhere else but on me and since the 4 month wakeful I rarely wake up less than 4x/ night.
She is content, but I think she needs the extra cuddles. She is very tactile, like your LO sounds like. I think it is pretty normal. She is always moving her legs and feet. She does play by herself, but will cry for me after a bit. Again, normal baby stuff.
Regarding your concerns, what has your pedi said so far in appointments? Have you shared your concerns? Is your LO experiencing separation anxiety?
How is your LO developing in terms of communication. gross and fine motor skills, etc?
I really admire how you have overcome so many hardships. You are a great mom!

Thank you everyone.

To the quoted poster...Basically we've been told that we'll just keep an eye on things as he gets older. We have definitely shared our concerns. And yes, DS is definitely experiencing separation anxiety. We HAVE to be within sight of him otherwise the wails begin.

In terms of milestones, he seems to be hitting them except that he isn't really imitating us yet. He was a bit late to babble too. But I mean he can pick stuff up, he plays and uses both hands, transfers items from one hand to the other. He pushes up onto his hands and knees but can't crawl yet (although he can push himself backwards--the opposite direction he wants to go). As for communicating...he never stops making sounds. If he's awake, you know it lol. He's absolutely exhausting, haha.

I know it sounds like I'm just complaining...this post just comes out of frustration, worry, and FTM anxiety I'm sure. I love my little guy so much and it took us so long to get to this point (see siggy for more detail) that I can't help but worry about everything. And when DH worries too, I feel like that justifies my worry and that makes me worry even more. (If that makes sense.)

Thanks again!

ktnicole · March 2013

I call DD "spirited". She is very particular about what she wants, when she wants it. She is only 6 months but here are some of my complaints::

She rarely plays by herself, she didn't care for the swing but does enjoy the jumper and walker for small amounts of time.

She has always been a horrible sleeper, but fx that we are getting that figured out with putting her down every 1.5-2 hours.

She was a month early, has had constant runny noses, congestion, and tummy issues. She screamed every 3-5th day until she would finally poop. No constipation, just trouble pushing it down.

She has been hard core teething which has created a diarrhea issue, but keeps us from having tummy issues.

I think every baby is different, and our spirited little ones know how to work us (somewhat) to get what they want. And YES that includes being ANGELS @ the pedis.

JulieMarie21 · March 2013

ooh ooh, I can make you feel better! DD is crazy, CRA-ZY!

I kid you not, I wrote this same post last weekend on the August board, but I think I referred to DD as "intense". I definitely was having one of those days that you are having today.

I feel like I always read posts about people taking their LO to lunch, a friend's, a baby shower, on errands, on car rides, on a freaking airplane for goodness sake. I felt so awful, because I have a high maintenance baby, and it's hard, my life has stopped to completely revolve around her nap times and keeping her entertained. And you know what (I hope) this is temporary, so I'm for the most part okay with things, until others and those other posts make me feel like "what is wrong with my baby?!"

Things are getting better, they are. H and I have to remind ourselves how things used to be so that we can be thankful for the changes and improvements in DD. She had colic. It was 9 weeks before I could sit (just for a moment) while she was awake. I spent all of her waking moments bouncing, doing squats, walking my stairs, swaying, etc for months. It has gradually become less and less holding and bouncing, but still a lot.

Sleep has improved since we sleep trained at 4 months, and nap trained at 6 months. Our nanny (who has years of experience) says she's never seen a baby fight sleep like DD (yay stamina!). For 2 months straight she woke from every nap at 30 min. on the dot, and totally unrested and cranky when she awoke. She is only recently lengthening at least 1 nap a day to 50-60 minutes.

Oh did I mention that she screams bloody murder in the car, making me a shut in? Also, until recently she screamed bloody murder in the stroller too! I thought they were supposed to sleep in those things?! Now she hates being horizontal, so every diaper change I get anxiety over the inevitable screaming fit. For this reason, she mainly stays in her pajamas all day, it just doesn't seem worth the tears to put her in an adorable outfit. And she hates all but 4 people: H, my mom, our nanny, and me. I guess I'm lucky to be one of the 4. Everyone else makes her cry. Our saving grace is she likes going on walks strapped to H or me and she is easily entertained by our dogs.

But like I said, it used to be worse, much worse! Good thing this baby is stinkin' cute!

Raserei · March 2013

One thing you talked about was the hitting. Just last night I was shaking my head as I was breastfeeding DD and the whole time she is hitting me with a straight-arm. Usually she is just grabbing her foot with the exposed arm. My pediatrician said "Isn't it nice to cuddle during BF?" hahaha... She doesn't stop for a minute.

DD doesn't like to cuddle. I just want to hug her so bad sometimes I just squeeze her into a hug and know that she'll protest anyway. I just started sleep training at 6 months. She has been every 2 hours for the last 6 weeks. We're up to 3 now.

She's a mover and a groover. Wants what she wants, when she wants it, right now. When I picked her up from chuch nursery (first time I wasn't called down for a screaming baby, though I heard her a bit through the floor) it was exclaimed "She's LOUD!" lol yep... she already has an opinion.

These are just a couple things. I just keep hoping that this all points to a personality that, when older and molded/guided a bit, will lead to a young lady who is firm in her beliefs and won't bow to peer pressure. She'll be a leader or will know a good one to follow when she see's it, not willing to be a quiet bystander

Those thoughts are what gets me through some tough times. Like PP said, good thing she's cute! My husband noted that even on a rough day, when she finally does smile or laugh, it just washes away some of that previous anxiety.

DiveFrog · March 2013

DD is what we often refer to as intense, spirited, high maintenance....at almost 10months it is finally getting a little bit better, but OMG the first 8 months she was basically a soul sucker.

She was a good sleeper if you could manage to get her asleep. This took a tight swaddle, constant motion, bouncing/swaying, white noise, a pacifer or preferably my breast. It needs to be dark and cool and then you need a huge dose of patience and time to get her asleep. When we managed to do so for a nap or at night the whole house came to a stand still because you didn't dare do anything that would wake her up.

DD just is not at all laid back. She knows what she wants and when she wants it (now!!) She absolutely hated the carseat and car until about 8 months old, she still hates the stroller. She accepts being carried while out but has a micro attention span so we can absically manage to get through 1 store in an outing. Restaurants were a huge no from the start. Slightly better now that she can sit in a highchair and feed herself a bit. And all of this is kind of moot because it is best to not deviate from the nap schedule at all, even with as hard as it is to get her to sleep....so until about 8 months we had maybe 2, 2hr windows a day to get out of the house with the least amount of screaming. It didn't happen often.....it is happening a bit more now since she is a little more flexible about her afternoon nap and is finally starting to go to sleep on her own, and we were able to finally ditch the swaddle at around 8 months.

She used to get herself so worked up that we litterally coined the term "re-set" and when DH, or I said that it meant we needed to swaddle her up tight lay her down or hold her tight and run the white noise machine for her to calm down. We used to have to do this routine a couple of times a day...luckily the need for this tappered off about 8 months

She is still intense. She has had separation anxiety basically from 5 months and it is no better today then the day it started. She doesn't just want to be able to see me...she needs to touch me, or have me holding her. Basically if I would wear her all day she might be happy with that arrangement, but that is just not possible.

She is decidely a happy baby. If she is getting her way and fed, and dry and not tired she is smiley, and babbles non stop. Wants no business with crawling and went straight to standing and cruising. Her fussiness, demanding nature are her way of getting what she needs and she just happens to think she needs more than a good numebr of other babies I have known.

missmodeste · March 2013

I consider my 8 mo old DD high maintence. Especially because I have her older brother to compare her to.

Since the day she was born, I have to be touching her. In the beginning I did this out of necessity and now she's either grown to expect it or has always needed my close comfort.

Her separation anxiety began very early around 4 to 5 months and NO ONE except me, sometimes DH and her brother can even look at her. Grandparents are long distance so when they visit she is afraid, still, of them and won't let them near her.

She has always napped on me in a carrier because she refuses otherwise. She was actually a great sleeper in the beginning and has progressively gotten worse since 2 months. I say great because she'd give us 5 to 7 hour stretches but be a beast to get down with lots of tears even with me rocking her on the breast.I won't do CIO so after we transitioned out of the swaddle and rock n play we started bed sharing. She's up 36 sometimes more times a night wanting to just be near me. I'm often letting her sleep on my chest like newborn days just so I can get some rest.

This is so opposite of my experience with my DS. The change is that I'm a SAHM now so I thought maybe she's just a Momma's girl because she doesn't know otherwise.

I think there are just high maintence babies and we are the lucky few that have them. I was a very hard baby but a very easy adolescent and teenager. I tell myself I'd rather have the hard stuff now than later! And it does go by so very fast so I'm ok with being in the thick of her babyhood as she is.

stever · March 2013

My first son was like that - happy as could be but verrrry intense. DS2 has been much more laid back, but teething's giving him a bit of an edge

DanielleJoe09 · March 2013

My DS is definitely high maintenance. He's been an absolute pain in the butt since day 1. For one he has acid reflux, so that's been a nightmare. We've tried every formula out there. He also takes a really high dose of Prevacid for that.

He's also been a screamer since day 1, to this day you can hear him on the 2nd level of our house. His voice seems so loud for such a little body. He is always throwing "tantrums" and fits when he doesn't like something, or doesn't get what he wants. He'll scream for hours and nothing soothes him.....I just don't understand it.....

We've been having sleep issues for months now. Im lucky if I can get him to nap 1 hour a day. His sleep patterns at night are all over the place....He'll get up sometimes 6 times a night....and when I go into his room he'll be sitting up or standing and just screaming and yelling......Its an all night battle.

He does this weird thing with his hands when he gets upset.....its hard to describe....I would say he shakes them and wiggles his fingers...

He is crawling, pulling up on things and standing by himself...so I don't think that he is behind developmentally at all......I finally broke down and took him to a pediatric neurologist because I couldn't handle the crazy behaviors and moods anymore. The doctor recommended giving him Melatonin before bed time and that's definitely helped with getting him settled down, but it hasn't really helped with the waking and screaming fits. He's also suggested that we try putting him on an anti seizure medicine. He told us that it is supposed to help calm him down. There are times during the day that he seems really aggravated over nothing. Or when he is having a fit he kicks his legs violently and thrashes his arms. We are hoping this helps out....

I can tell you its so so tiring. There are some days that I wonder if I ever want to do this again. Its not been easy at all, and to me it seems like things are slowly getting worse. By the time my husband gets home and I get dinner on the table, I feel like I want to hide out.

Hope this helps, hope you ladies get some rest and a piece of mind!!

UMichGirl · March 2013

I can't thank you ladies enough for your responses. It helps to know others are in the same frustration/worried boat that I'm in!

DH did speak to DS's pediatrician today, and he suggested that if we are truly concerned that we get DS evaluated. We can do this for free through a local Head Start program. A good friend of mine's mom used to work there, and just retired in the past year or two, so I will be seeking out her advice. The doctor said some of the things DH was describing about DS could definitely be a sensory issue...but that it could also just be nothing so better to get him evaluated if we really are worried.

I just want to know that LO is ok...and if there IS an issue I want to know so we can start doing things to help him!!

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