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Attachment Parenting
twoitalians
member
pediatricians and AP
twoitalians
member
Hi all. I haven't posted much here except here and there about cosleeping and baby carriers, but I have a quick question about pediatricians.
Without saying that there is a right or wrong way to go about this, how much do your pediatricians go with your AP style?
I love our current pedi for her medical knowledge and she is very nice to us. I am a science-geek so having the education to know whether my baby is healthy or not is important to me. DS is 6 months and for most of his young life, DH and I have been going with what his needs are and just recently we started bedsharing and I have begun babywearing more often, so I am more inclined to say that we are leaning towards those AP ideologies. Our last dr. appointment, the pedi said that we need to start weaning DS from eating at night. I figured I'd give it a try and see if we could drop one of the feedings, but after a week and a half it's not happening so I'm going to stop trying. I love our pedi, but I don't think it is necessary to wean DS from the night feedings. He just likes to eat. I am ok with going to this pedi, and listening to her parenting advice but not necessarily following it because of her medical knowledge. She may also not know our parenting style because we haven't really voiced it to her and I hadn't really realized our "style" until just recently.
Is it common to just go with a pediatrician for the sake of medical advice and then go with your own instincts and advice from fellow parents for parenting styles? I feel this may be a stupid question and that all parenting is go-with-your-gut but I'm really curious what this AP board has to say.
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Re: pediatricians and AP
Yes.
I see DS's doctor for his medical needs. He gets his vaccines. I want to know how he's growing. When he's got an ear or eye infection, we go get that treated.
As far as feeding, she thought we were a bit nuts to do baby-led weaning. I was confident in my decision, and like most things, it's only an issue to talk about once. By the next appointment in that instance, all kids should be eating table food.
If you like the doctor's approach to medical issues, it's fine to nod and smile through some food and sleep conversations.
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In my opinion, a pediatrician should make sure your baby child is healthy and developing as he/she should and should address any illnesses/medical issues your child has. They do not meant to give parenting advice.
I love my pediatrician because he generally isn't concerned if I'm still swaddling at 5 months or that we are going to try BLW.
My pedi and I don't see eye to eye on parenting styles. When I told her at my 6 week checkup my DS didnt like to sleep alone she suggested CIO. On top of that she has pretty bad social skills and a horrible bedside manner. I strongly considered switching. However, I didn't. Her medical advice has been spot on, she's constantly going to conferences and informing me of the latest research and she's really advocated for my child now that there's something wrong. I am so glad we didn't switch.
I would stick with someone whose medical expertise you trust and don't worry what they think of your parenting choices.
I think you have to carefully think about yourself and what you're looking for in your child's doctor and also carefully evaluate the pros and cons of your particular doctor or practice.
Also, although your child will see the doctor for about as many well-child appointments between birth and age 2 years as he or she will between the age of 2 and 12, there comes a time (at around age 3) when the pediatrician should begin increasingly interacting with the child at checkups. So the doctor's ability to relate to your child will become a huge factor in the near future.
At this point in my kids' lives, I bring them to their checkups, but I'm primarily sitting there holding their shoes and nodding in agreement while they chat with the doctor. We mostly see the nurse practitioner in my pediatric practice because my kids adore her and she "gets" my kids. She's helped my daughter cope with anxiety-related nausea, reassured my son that there will come a time when he won't ever wet the bed again, and chided my daughter into drinking water more effectively than I could. It helps that I also really like and trust her.
The point is, that a doctor who is sort of fusty and traditional when it comes to AP issues that primarily come up in the first 2 years of a child's life could wind up having an AMAZING bedside manner with your actual child, which is something else to consider.
Attachment Parenting is just that - a parenting style. Pediatricians are not experts in parenting, so I don't ask them parenting advice. How we choose to parent our kids is between me and my husband. I take them for their vaccines, well and sick visits, but that's where it ends. I feel confident in our research and decisions as parents. I don't tell our pedi that we co-sleep, cloth diaper, baby wear, or anything else because, quite frankly, it's none of his business. I don't know how he feels about it because I've never asked nor do I care. That sounds a lot harsher than I mean it, but hopefully you get what I mean.
DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
Thank you. I hadn't thought about this.
Thanks, also, to everyone else who has given me their thoughts. It has helped a lot, as I tend to over analyze things. I appreciate knowing that I'm not going to be the first (or even the last) mom who doesn't follow every single suggestion from their child's doctor.
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I may be in the minority, but I look to my pedi for more than just medical information. I am a first time mom, and my pedi is the head of pediatrics at a large children's hospital. He has 35 years of experience. Yes, I know my son better than he does, but he knows milestones, child safety, child feeding, etc. better than I do by far.
I don't discount my mother's intuition but I am paying this man (who has a ton of experience and training) to do more than give shots and treat an occasional ear infection. I'm paying him for his experience, expertise, and advice. It's a big plus that he has a great personality and shows a great deal of compassion and patience when he sees my son.
Just curious, why do you see a pedi you don't mesh with? I wouldn't have chosen a pedi that didn't have a good personality, bedside manner, etc. Were you stuck with them or did you choose them? We met with ours before our son was born, and had planned to meet with 1 or 2 more. We loved our pedi from that first visit and didn't meet with any others.
Well first off, here, you don't see a pedi at all unless your child is chronically or seriously ill. They're specialists. Normal, healthy children see a family doctor.
My doctor has a good bedside manner and personality. She just has no interest in telling me how to parent, and I don't want or need parenting advice from her. I have enough confidence to make non-medical decisions myself. I consider her an expert on things she has actual training and experience in, but I don't really care how she would get my baby to STTN.
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DD 12/20/99, DS 12/14/12, M/C 9/2014, M/C 1/2015
I agree with this completely. My pedi has 2 young kids of her own, and she's pretty laid back when it comes to parenting decisions. I think if I expressed that something was a problem, she would offer a variety of solutions. As long as I'm confident in what we're doing, and it's not obviously dangerous, she doesn't give advice.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
It's good to take their advice on milestones and carseat safety, but actual parenting decisions (like sleep/food choices, etc) is better left to parents who actually know the child--you can't get to personally know a child and what is best for their needs in a 20 minute visit every few months. While they can make their recommendations, it doesn't always translate what is best for your child. Every child has their own temperament/personality so what is good advice for one could be poor advice for another.
I chose my pedi since she was board certified, worked PT in pediatrics at a great hospital, and is incredibly knowledge/proactive when it comes to medical advice. I couldn't care less about personality. My friend had a great, fun pediatrician...who missed her child's epilepsy for three years. He kept telling her the fact her child walked/talked late was fine and he was just a late bloomer. Trusting someone's medical advice far trumps bedside manner IMO.