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Toddlers: 24 Months+
sbevmc09
member
I've never heard of anyone having a PT'ing experience like this.
xp WWYD re: Potty Training
sbevmc09
member
I'm hoping some of you who have BTDT can help.
DS started showing signs of potty training readiness recently. He just turned 3. He's very set in his ways so we decided it was probably time to give him a little nudge to see if he was ready. So today we put him in underwear and explained to him what he should do, etc.
Anyway, he had a few accidents, NBD, we changed underwear/pants and said he'd tell us next time when he had to go. We ask him periodically if he has to pee/poo/sit on the potty. He always says no.
Then he started holding it. He pretty much sat on the couch all day and I'm sure it's because he was holding his pee. 3+ hours later we finally decided it was time for him to sit on the potty to get the pee out. We told him he needed to sit on the potty and then we'd eat dinner. He was kind of, sort of on board with it, but when he sat on the potty he just screamed and cried. Eventually he was done (no peeing) and we sat and ate dinner. I could tell he was holding it through dinner and he kept saying he didn't have to go potty (unprompted, he'd just say it).
After dinner we did the potty thing again and he just screamed and cried the whole time. No peeing.
Finally, when we ended this trip to the potty I just said okay, we'd get ready for bed and put a nighttime diaper on. That's where we're at now, but I think he may even still be holding the pee at this point.
WDYT? Is he just not ready for this? We were going to at least give it 2 days, but the way he's working so hard not to pee is really scaring me. I don't even want to think about what he could do to his system if he holds his poo for too long. Help me wise BTDT mamas. Have I totally messed things up? I feel like I have. Now I feel like he's scared to pee. I've never heard of anyone having a PT'ing experience like this. 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: xp WWYD re: Potty Training
DS started out well enough with PTing, but quickly it got to the point where when we would ask him to go or have him sit on the toilet before an outing, he'd get downright pissed. We just dropped it because it was doing nothing. For a couple weeks he wore pull ups and sometimes he'd go, sometimes he wouldn't. We did not push it because it wasn't worth the fight.
Well, within the past few weeks, he has told us every single time he needs to go, completely unprompted, and hasn't had a single accident. I would say he is officially day trained (and actually last night he woke up in the MOTN and asked to pee, and so he did and his diaper was dry all night). The biggest thing I noticed is that he just doesn't pee frequently, period. It doesn't matter if he drinks a lot of a little, he is perfectly fine going 3-4 hours between peeing. I'm starting to think one of the reasons he was getting so pissed at us repeatedly asking him is because he simply did not need to go, lol. So, maybe your DS isn't necessarily holding it? Anyway, I wouldn't push it. I would be encouraging and bring it up occasionally, but not force it. You can try doing sticker charts/rewards if you think that will help. I totally get you not wanting him to hold in his pee, but it's kind of good he's learning how to, too, because PTing is obviously a lot about being able to control yourself.
The older they get the better they are at holding it in. With that said, we followed Jensen's 3DPT method.
Prep: I went and bought several rewards ranging from small to large. A set of princess lip gloss, vtech laptop, Ariel costume. I split up the lip glosses into two sandwich bags. I also went on the internet and pulled off images of those toys we bought and printed them out. I then went on Excel and made a row of boxes.
A couple days before the PT-ing weekend I took her to the toy store and explained that this weekend we're going to PT. She's a big girl and doesn't need diapers or pull-ups. I told her to pick a toy she really wants and that will be the big prize.
Right in the morning of Day 1 we explained to DD that she's a big girl now and she no longer needs diapers or pullups. She immediately agreed with us. We told her that we needed to gather all her diapers and pullups, put them in a bag, and set them out our front door. Tinkerbell would come and take the bag to give to babies that need them. We had her set the bag outside and DH ran like a mad man through our garage to grab it. A minute later we opened the door and cue cheesy shocking face and gasp. She was so excited that Tink took the diapers to help babies.
After that we hunkered down at home and introduced the reward chart. We explained that everytime she used the potty chair she would get to put a sticker in the box and receive a chocolate chip as the immediate gratification. We then showed her an image of the lip gloss and placed it about 4 boxes away. We explained that when she reached that box she would get that prize. After that we let her watch as much TV as she wanted while giving her water, juice, milk, and a lot of watermelon and told her to tell us when she needed to go. Jensen's method says to never ask them if they need to go or force them to go every x amount of minutes. They need to learn to feel the sensation and puts all the control on her. All we could do was periodically say, "Don't forget to tell us if you need to go." Once she had a success she got to put that sticker on the box and we would count how many boxes left to the prize. Once she reached that goal we would remove that picture, introduce prize #2 and place it slightly farther than before. So, if it took 4 successes for the first one than it would take 6 successes for the next one.
By the end of Day 1 she was extremely successful. By Day 3 she earned all the prizes I bought for her. We decided for the big prize that she selected it would be for dry underwear at preschool. So I created another set of boxes for that one. It took a week but she earned the big prize.
HTH!
I imagine my way is among the unpopular ways... but we let DD take the lead. We've let DD take the lead with just about everything. I believe there's a lot that toddlers fight because they want to be in control... eating and pottying being high on that list. No matter how hard we try we can't make them go potty, so for me? I'm against turning it into a battle of wills and am going to let her decide when she's good and ready to lose the diapers.
She's definitely shown all of the PHYSICAL signs of being ready, but she's clearly not emotionally ready, yet. It sounds like Jack might be at the same place?
We started asking her months ago if she'd like to go pee pee on the potty, once or twice a day at the same time every day. (First thing in the morning and right before bed.) Sometimes she says yes, sometimes she says no. When she said yes and then peed we made a huge deal out of it.
I also made a huge deal taking her shopping to pick out her own big girl panties. And then they sat in her drawer for months on end.
One day last week she woke up and decided she wanted to wear panties and started peeing on the potty without a problem. Today she decided she wanted diapers on. I strongly believe she'll fully switch to the potty when she's good and ready.
Most of our friends have let their LOs take the potty learning lead and had no problems once the kiddo decided to make the switch. DH's older sister is the only RL person I know to do a more forceful (for lack of a better term) training. Her DD ended up on meds to make her go poop because she'd hold it in for weeks at a time. Though I realize that's one experience and probably not the norm.
Go with your gut and do what feels right. What's "right" is definitely different for every kiddo.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
Thanks, Belhurst.
I appreciate you weighing in because that's generally how I feel. I know that a lot of the reason why I'm feeling so conflicted over this is because we typically let him take the lead with things and in the past when I've stressed out about big transitional things I've always ended up letting him take the lead and it worked out just fine. So my gut is telling me to let things evolve on their own with this as well.
At the same time, DS tends to be pretty set in his ways (what toddler isn't to a certain extent?) and I'm starting to feel outside pressure. Not in the sense of "I have to PT my kid right now because everyone else is", but more from well meaning friends who keep reinforcing the idea that PTing will be harder the longer we wait.
I was really hoping that I would *know* when the time was right and that DS would take the lead. I knew he wasn't ready up until now, but now that he's showing signs of readiness I wondered if a nudge would help him. That's why we were taking the somewhat hands off approach of just putting him in underwear, explaining the process to him, and then letting him figure it out on his own without a lot of outside influence. I think you're right in thinking that he's physically ready, but it might be an emotional readiness issue at this time.
I'm realizing now that the problem is he's not comfortable with the idea of going on the potty at all. He very obviously has the bladder control, he intellectually understands where he should put the pee/poo, but he's choosing not to do so. He's never been interested in the potty though despite our best efforts over the last ~6 months to familiarize him with it. It's resulted in very little exposure for him.
Anyway, we're giving it another go today. We've been putting him on the potty at regular intervals mostly just to try to familiarize him with it and get him used to sitting there. He's holding his pee again because he doesn't want to go at all (either in his pants or the potty) so we haven't had any accidents. I am worried about him holding it and I'm definitely worried about him holding his poo as I know that can roll into much bigger issues.
Thankfully sitting on the potty has been a much more positive experience today. Not great, but no crying, definitely more positive and pleasant for everyone involved. He's somewhat on board with it. I feel like if he just went once in the potty it would really get the ball rolling so I'm hoping we can accomplish that today. But obviously this isn't something I can control and I'm all about not making things like this a power struggle.
At the end of today we'll definitely re-evaluate where we stand. I was ready to give up based on yesterday, but MH truly believes it will be beneficial to give it another day to see what happens. If he hasn't shown much improvement and still isn't comfortable with the potty we'll probably take a step back and wait a while in hopes of him just taking the lead and doing it when he's ready. That's my instinct on it anyway, I was just hoping that catching him when he started showing signs of readiness and giving him the opportunity to really need to use the potty might get the process rolling. He's one of those kids who will probably be content in diapers for a really long time unless something changes. That's why, even though I want him to take the lead, I question whether he'll ever be motivated to really do it on his own without ample opportunity and a nudge in the right direction.
Just wish this whole process were more clear to me! It would really help!
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One of our friends DD didn't switch out of diapers until she was 4 years old. She wasn't interested before then, mom and dad didn't see a reason to push it and let her take the lead. She literally woke up one day, said she wanted panties on and never looked back. Literally potty trained overnight, without every having an accident.
We get comments from friends and family about potty training, too. Especially now that we're expecting another one. I really just look at them and remind them that I've never once forced her to do something before she was ready, so what makes them think I'm going to do it with the potty? It's stopped the comments. For now, at least.
Even if you decide to back off remember that Jack won't be in diapers forever. No one ever is.
He may take his time, but eventually he will make the choice to go on the potty. We talk about it with DD, read books about it and use the bathroom in front of her. She knows it's what big girls do... she just doesn't care!
We're *hoping* to have her start pre school (mornings only, twice a week) this fall, but she has to be potty trained in order to do so. We talk about going to school, she's seen the school and she's excited about the idea of going to school. We've told her that it's her choice if she wants to go, but that she has to use the potty before she can go to school. She talks about it but usually tells me she's okay with waiting to go to school, she wants to wear her diaper for right now. So yea... feel ya with the stubborn kid!
We also flush her poops and she started doing the flushing awhile ago. Maybe that'll help Jack with his not wanting his excretions to go down the potty? I've read that some kiddos do have a difficult time with that idea.
DD2 8.22.13
MMC 1.4.17 at 16w
Expecting #3, EDD 1.29.18
I highly, highly recommend getting yourself a copy of Oh Crap Potty Training. I was in a very similar position as you--I just kept putting it off even though my gut was telling me that my daughter was ready. All it took me to get started was reading that book. It is very straight-forward and answers a lot of questions. I love it. My DD had great sucess by following the steps provided in the book.
Just another suggestion if you feel like you really want to give it a go. Especially if pre-school is on the horizon and you need him to be potty trained. It's possible that your stubborn kid is just going to get more stubborn the older he gets and make PTing that much more difficult. I know my DD has gotten much more "sassy" in the past few weeks...
Good luck with whatever you decide!