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karatechrissy
member
"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
BM had the baby. Just thinking out loud
karatechrissy
member
She had her baby early. She wasn't due for a couple more weeks. Better than a premie again though. She had her when SS was w us. She called to tell him she came while he was asleep, and that was it. Didn't request for us to bring him to the hosp to meet the baby. I don't think she had the balls to ask after the bullsht she pulled when I had DS not sure if you remember. She lived a block away from hosp and H asked if she could drop by for 5 min so as could meet his brother. She told Fb she didn't give a damn about our fan and it was my fault for having the baby when as wasn't w us. Met DS when he was 3 days old. It was also my bday and we had a full day planned.
I guess the baby daddy said he wanted to be involved the past few weeks, then never called her back or came to the hosp. He isn't on the birth cert... Not sure how that all legally works or anything. I know bm is on unemployment and govt assistance. So, a new chapter. The baby is beautiful. I know it is selfish, but I sort of worry how this will change our family dynamic, or how SS will treat DD now. Maybe it won't have any impact at all and I'm just stressing over nothing. I do hope maybe THIS baby will help mellow BM out a bit... Time will tell. We have a joint b day party planned for this Sat. I have removed myself from engaging or taking over like my OCD self usually does. I like meticulous planning. I'm letting BM and DH take care of it. Partly killing me and partly freeing. Lol.
I guess the baby daddy said he wanted to be involved the past few weeks, then never called her back or came to the hosp. He isn't on the birth cert... Not sure how that all legally works or anything. I know bm is on unemployment and govt assistance. So, a new chapter. The baby is beautiful. I know it is selfish, but I sort of worry how this will change our family dynamic, or how SS will treat DD now. Maybe it won't have any impact at all and I'm just stressing over nothing. I do hope maybe THIS baby will help mellow BM out a bit... Time will tell. We have a joint b day party planned for this Sat. I have removed myself from engaging or taking over like my OCD self usually does. I like meticulous planning. I'm letting BM and DH take care of it. Partly killing me and partly freeing. Lol.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
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Re: BM had the baby. Just thinking out loud
Sounds like your BM might have a tough road ahead of her being a single mom to two kids. I hope for your sake she does mellow out. I know for me, this is my first pregnancy in 10 years and with my son's father I worry about him starting drama once our baby is born. He acts like his CS (when he pays it) improves my lifestyle even though me and SO have better jobs and provide all insurance and healthcare benefits for my son. It is going to really make me mad if he says anything about his money going to my daughter, when in fact it cost way more to support our son than his CS. I also don't want anyone saying anything about my kids only being half-siblings. But, I guess I am just going to have to choose which battles to fight and with a newborn it probably won't be any of them. Good luck to you and your family on new adventure with BM.
Someone said this to her on FB. She said she will tell the govt she doesn't know who or where the father is. She doesn't want anything to do with him... but it does kind of chap me that we pay CS (and have 50/50 custody) and that DB gets to get off with nothing.
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
Then her hospital bills will be denied. I have a client who legitimately did not know the last name or where her ex was and she was booted off medicaid and made responsible for her medical bills and prenatal care.
I live in an extremely fiscally conservative state but this has been my experience
I think this is a total normal and legitimate worry on both sides of the equation. BM in my situation isn't in a solid relationship and at times I wonder if K would stop enjoying her time with us if BM were to give her a sibling. Just like I'm sure BM worried when she found out we were having a baby.
I believe (at least I like to tell myself lol) that kids are amazing little people with gigantic hearts and have the ability to love so many different people, sblings included. Sure, SS will probably want to be around his new sister all the time because she's new and it's exciting. But then the novelty wears off. Or, SS might have enjoyed being the only child when he's with BM so having a baby sister over there might frustrate him. Either way, it's going to be a transition that he'll make and it may take some time.
Just to touch on what PP said about the gov't assistance: here in CA I knew someone who tried to get cash-aid/food stamps/Medi-Cal and wouldn't say who the child's father was and they flat out denied her for any sort of assistance for the child. I'm pretty sure your State will do the same thing. BM will still get what she qualifies for with SS, but she probably not be able to receive any sort of assistance towards the new baby.
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I was on Mainecare and foodstamps/TANF for three months after I had DS in 2007. XH and I were broken up, and not married yet. Long story. Anyway, he wasn't at the hospital to sign the birth cert, but we went to city hall a few weeks later and filled out the paperwork to have him put on the birth cert.
When DS was 6 months old, after I had already stopped receiving assistance, an angry woman from the state called me saying the state would bring me to court unless I told them who the father of my son was. I said I already put him on the birth cert. she said he was not on the birth cert, I was lying, and she would be starting the process to take me to court. I had to call a higher up at her office and prove to them that XH was on the birth cert.
Years later, when DS was 2 and XH and I were married, they started garnishing XHs pay. Half of the amount they sent to me, as back child support even though we were married at the time and I never pursued child support. Half of the money went to pay back half of the assistance I got in that three months for DS.
Jo- I know you hit the nail on the head. I KNOW that what I'm feeling is irrational and stupid, and basically what you said is the case. I know SS loves BOTH of his sisters and that he won't love DD any less now that a baby sister is here... I just needed someone to say it so I could stop with the crazy my brain goes to sometimes ;-)
The assistance thing that all of you have said makes me feel a bit better. I really hope they go after him for something. He is a disgusting deadbeat of a man. I feel bad for BM that she pro-created with him. Thanks guys for your input. I just need to think (type) out loud sometimes to figure things out. :-)
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"Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."