Anyone else Jewish? Are you having a shower?

mgm84 · March 2013

Hi Everyone,

I am looking for some input. We are Jewish and I have not had too many friends have babies yet, so I am not sure what is typical. My mother and MIL said that in the Jewish tradition, people do not have baby showers and my mom said that she left everything she bought for me at her mother's until I was born. However, looking at the past posts of my Facebook friends, every Jewish friend I have has had a shower! I wouldn't care so much, but my husband just left his job a month ago and is starting a new company (with no income in sight just yet) and I am a teacher, so I am nervous (obviously a horrible reason for wanting one, but I am scared and it would help). Anyone have any experience with this? Thanks for your help!

1026pumpkin · March 2013

I am not Jewish, but have many friends who are. It's a common custom to not bring anything into the house for baby until the baby arrives, but many of my friends have had showers after the baby arrives.

You don't need too many things to bring baby home from the hospital (car seat, place to sleep, some footie sleepers, diapers/wipes/cream, and basic bath supplies). If you don't believe in the superstition, maybe just buy the basics to have on hand and register for the other things you need. If you don't end up having a shower or receiving them as gifts, you can buy them later with your completion discount.

mom2be328 · March 2013

I am Jewish and both my mom and mother in law are very traditional and we did not have much but the basics. I was lucky enough that my co workers threw me a surprise shower, but do not worry!!!! People will send gifts as soon as the heat the baby is born, or will bring them to the bris if you have a boy. It's scary and seems weird, but I promise, you don't need that much right away. We called to get the nursery furniture delivered when I was in the hospital. I would go ahead and make a registry, very random people will want to send gifts! Good luck, it will all work out.

Copperlilly818 · March 2013

Traditionally, Jews do not have showers, and purchases aren't brought into the home until after the baby is born. These days, many Jewish moms have showers (I did). It's probably more accepted in Reform circles, versus Conservative.

cinderin · March 2013

I have a friend who is Jewish (reform) who had a baby shower and kept all the gifts at her mom's house.

I think you could do that, or have one after the baby is here, if your host is willing.

PunkyBooster · March 2013

Not Jewish but my Jewish friends do different things. Some have showers before baby, some after.
I am fairly superstitious myself and have known 3 too many women this past year who lost babies at 26 plus weeks pregnant. I am a fan of waiting until closer to 33 weeks to get all of your stuff. Not that it's a guarantee but those who plan showers and register before their anatomy scan make me nervous.

RachieTK · March 2013

I did not have a shower. We borrowed a bassinet from a friend. The hospital sent us home with diapers, and my mom bought the coming home outfit I wanted ahead of time, washed it, and kept it for me. We ordered the furniture ahead but didn't have it delivered until DS was born. Gifts arrived at his bris or were delivered. We had a baby nurse, so we went to Carter's and bought a bunch of stuff on the way home from DS's check up the day after we were released fom the hospital- the nurse stayed in the car with DS, then washed everything when we got home. A neighbor had several essentials ready for me at her house and brought them over when we got home.

rhubarb123 · March 2013

I have only 2 Jewish friends. I went to a shower for one before the baby was born and the other one I hosted a shower for her after the baby was born. I can see no shower before if that is tradition but having to get everything needed for the baby after the birth seems really inconvenient (bassinet, diapers, burp cloths, etc) to me.

CRLSMC2011 · March 2013

I am Jewish and planned on not having a shower. However, my mom decided that she wanted me to have one because of "payback." Basically, all of her friends' kids (all Jewish) had showers and she got them gifts, so she wanted her friends to come and give me gifts. Of the 25 or so guests, only 1 was not Jewish. It really has become more common place now.

We originally were not going to bring things into the house, but I just thought it would be too stressful and imposing to have everything go to someone else's house. I wanted to have everything sorted and ready to go (at least right on hand), so it is in our guest room (which may be the nursery depending on when we move) stacked up and not unpacked. I just feel so much better knowing we have most of the stuff we need (although we got only a couple outfits, no blankets, no diapers, etc).

Like one of the PPs said, I don't think my grandmother was very happy about it, but she came. She gave me a check rather than a gift. And her sister and my mom both gave me clothes for me (my aunt gave me a bathrobe and Mom gave me a maternity dress).

It really is just superstition.

jo4janet · March 2013

Copperlilly818:
Traditionally, Jews do not have showers, and purchases aren't brought into the home until after the baby is born. These days, many Jewish moms have showers (I did). It's probably more accepted in Reform circles, versus Conservative.

This. DH's family is Jewish and conservative. His sisters did not have showers. I think older SIL had a baby naming after baby was born I did not know DH then and his other sister had a bris because it was a boy and everyone gave them gifts then.

AliciaS1411 · March 2013

MandJS:
The reality is, though, that there is ZERO guarantee you will get "useful" things at your shower. Even if you have a great registry, it's just a suggestion, not a requirement. You should always plan to pay for everything you need for your kid. Reality is that babies don't need much - diapers, a place to sleep (which need not be an expensive crib), and a car seat. Really, that's about it.

I second this. I'm a SAHM and my DH is a teacher in one of the lowest income districts in the nation. There is no excuse why you shouldn't be able to afford the things you need for your baby if you're properly budgeting. It is NO one else's responsibility to buy things for your baby other than YOURS. I can't speak to Jewish tradition, but even if it were ok for you to have a shower, you'd have to have someone offer to host one for you first. If you're family is against the idea, then asking this question won't help you at all unless you plan on hosting your own shower, but then you're pushing a whole new subject of inappropriateness.

Also

WHY would your DH leave a paying job while you were pregnant?

davisislands · March 2013

I am a reform Jew. My mother is throwing me a shower and my girlfriend (who is also Jewish) is throwing me another shower. My MIL will not be throwing me a shower, nor purchasing any items before the baby is born (she is conservative/borderline Orthodox). However, my DH said that his side of the family will all buy us tons of stuff after the baby is born, it's just how his family does things. I suppose they believe in the superstition.....

RissNRuss · March 2013

Jew here... yes I am having a shower, as my mother did when she had me. She said she just didn't set up the nursery until I arrived, and that's what we're doing as well. We'll have an outfit or two for the hospital cleaned and ready, and the carseat installed in the car, but other than that, everything will get set up post-arrival.

mgm84 · March 2013

Thanks everyone for the helpful replies! For those that needed clarification -

1. I do not expect anyone to pay for anything, and simply meant that it would help. I am not concerned about not being able to provide for my child, just that the stress of having a baby is enough, and it always feel better to be any less stressed by the cost (hope that makes sense)!

2. My husband had planned to leave his job prior to my becoming pregnant (it was not expected, in fact, we did not even think I could, so this was quite the blessing). His "exit date" was determined months ago, and it was also dependent on when he finished up some projects.

Hope that helps. Thanks again everyone. It definitely helped

Liz4444 · March 2013

I am Jewish. I'm not superstitious, but my husband is, so I did not have a shower. We did buy things, but we left them at my parents house until the baby was born and the nursery furniture was delivered after she was born. We received tons of gifts after the baby was born and there was nothing that couldn't wait a few days.

In reality, you need very little for a new born, diapers, food, a place to sleep, a swaddle blanket and something to wear. The one thing that I insisted we do pre-birth was have the car seat installed.

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