Terminology Question

sonshine0609 · February 2013

Ok so since we have a LOT of very etiquette aware individuals on here I have a hypothetical question.

Background: Where I'm from (we'll just leave it as a small rural town) most baby showers are informal & usually given for every baby. Less about welcoming motherhood, more about celebrating life. Few if any games, both genders may or may not be present, gifts not required (but generally given). I've never heard of a Sip-n-see until coming here & Meet the Baby parties are usually something that's done on the Indian reservations. My personal perspective is I'd never do one. In my family people MTB is done one on one & as a c/s mom I would think it would be very overwhelming to have this sort of party while recovering. It never occurred to me that shower was meant as in shower-with gifts. It has always been my understanding that it is shower-with support.

Given that is my understanding of a shower what would you call a shower-with support party if a shower is considered a GIFT centered event?

I'm just wondering what other people's perspectives are since there seems to be such a difference from place to place & person to person as to what a Shower means.

duffmaker · February 2013

Is this shower for a second baby then? It would be a sprinkle... I saw a cute invite that said:

"Bibs, diapers & bottle galore

_____ & _____ are having one more

Big sister/brother _____ has plenty to share

It's only a "sprinkle" to show that we care!"

And goes on to say "join us as we sprinkle __________ _________"

with all the other when/where/who info (no registry info though).

The "show that we care" part kind of hits home with your "shower-with-support" but not gifts outlook.

Helenahhandbasket · February 2013

I think you should just continue to refer to your party as you usually do. If the term "shower" means what you described above, by all means call it that.

While there is such thing as formal etiquette (and I don't mean that using formal etiquette always means you are having a "formal'' event), traditions, common practice and the general way people do things varies wildly from region to region.

According to formal etiquette, a shower is strictly a gift- giving event, but if that is not what it means to you and to your circle, that is fine.

Edit- to fix wording

sonshine0609 · February 2013

It depends. Like I said even the first one is pretty informal. I've seen 1st ones with 3 guests & I've seen 2nds with 50+.that are more like a barbecue. Some where it was 1st time baby with lots of gifts others where its the 2nd or 3rd with few gifts or none at all. Most people in our circle haven't kept baby stuff because it's just not practical space wise, financially ect. The only ones I've even seen with invites have been mine. (we're transplants to the area, lol) They have all been called showers no matter the situation and no one has really thought anything of it. This is what I've been surrounded with as normal so when I see people getting particular on etiquette or I have to explain to my grandmother I just wonder at the gap. I'm not really wondering at this point about a particular shower just the difference in perspective.

For example this would be my 3rd "shower" in the event I have one. I would not be interested in a MTB or SipnSee for previous mentioned reasons. It would be common place in my circle to have a "shower" to celebrate the baby, but since for the purposes of this board "shower" means "shower with gifts" it would seem inappropriate.

I just want to understand the other view point before it ever gets as far as offending anyone.

Helenahhandbasket · February 2013

sonshine0609:
It depends. Like I said even the first one is pretty informal. I've seen 1st ones with 3 guests & I've seen 2nds with 50+.that are more like a barbecue. Some where it was 1st time baby with lots of gifts others where its the 2nd or 3rd with few gifts or none at all. Most people in our circle haven't kept baby stuff because it's just not practical space wise, financially ect. The only ones I've even seen with invites have been mine. (we're transplants to the area, lol) They have all been called showers no matter the situation and no one has really thought anything of it. This is what I've been surrounded with as normal so when I see people getting particular on etiquette or I have to explain to my grandmother I just wonder at the gap. I'm not really wondering at this point about a particular shower just the difference in perspective.
For example this would be my 3rd "shower" in the event I have one. I would not be interested in a MTB or SipnSee for previous mentioned reasons. It would be common place in my circle to have a "shower" to celebrate the baby, but since for the purposes of this board "shower" means "shower with gifts" it would seem inappropriate.
I just want to understand the other view point before it ever gets as far as offending anyone.

Right, but this doesn't matter unless you are inviting us to your baby shower. Smile

sonshine0609 · February 2013

True, and I'm not one to really care what people think in my personal life. Don't get me started on the offbeat wedding we're currently planning.

Still there's the matter of grandma & sticking my foot in my mouth online & creating a message board dogpile because of one of the few areas I disagree with formal etiquette. Thanks for the support by the way.

PunkyBooster · February 2013

clizh:
Is this shower for a second baby then? It would be a sprinkle... I saw a cute invite that said:"Bibs, diapers amp; bottle galore_____ amp; _____ are having one moreBig sister/brother _____ has plenty to share It's only a "sprinkle" to show that we care!"And
goes on to say "join us as we sprinkle __________ _________" with all
the other when/where/who info no registry info though. The "show that we care" part kind of hits home with your "showerwithsupport" but not gifts outlook.

I just got an invite with this poem and was all wtf at the stupidity of it.
Because a sprinkle is still a gift giving event.

ETA. Also when I RSVP'ed the hostess said "great! Big brother will be opening the baby gifts"

Pretty sure "showing you care" means by bringing a gift. Cute wording doesn't make that any different.

Helenahhandbasket · February 2013

sonshine0609:
True, and I'm not one to really care what people think in my personal life. Don't get me started on the offbeat wedding we're currently planning. Still there's the matter of grandma & sticking my foot in my mouth online & creating a message board dogpile because of one of the few areas I disagree with formal etiquette. Thanks for the support by the way.

NP...Enjoy your party!

BrianaSimons · February 2013

From where Im from a shower was always a shower of support not for welcoming a new mother to motherhood. I didn't learn until I came on here that wanting to be help with your own baby shower is considered 'rude'. Everybody is different, Everyone grows up with different ways of doing things, I for one will not bash how someone wants to throw a shower.

BrianaSimons · February 2013

MelRC117:
PunkyBooster:
clizh:
Is this shower for a second baby then? It would be a sprinkle... I saw a cute invite that said:"Bibs, diapers amp; bottle galore_____ amp; _____ are having one moreBig sister/brother _____ has plenty to share It's only a "sprinkle" to show that we care!"And goes on to say "join us as we sprinkle __________ _________" with all the other when/where/who info no registry info though. The "show that we care" part kind of hits home with your "showerwithsupport" but not gifts outlook.
I just got an invite with this poem and was all wtf at the stupidity of it. Because a sprinkle is still a gift giving event.
Punky, caring = forking over money and giving them a gift

So just to clarify, when you are invited to a sprinkle (which I never heard of before bump) you dont bring gifts?

PunkyBooster · February 2013

BrianaSimons:
MelRC117:
PunkyBooster:
clizh:
Is this shower for a second baby then? It would be a sprinkle... I saw a cute invite that said:"Bibs, diapers amp; bottle galore_____ amp; _____ are having one moreBig sister/brother _____ has plenty to share It's only a "sprinkle" to show that we care!"And
goes on to say "join us as we sprinkle __________ _________" with all
the other when/where/who info no registry info though. The "show that we care" part kind of hits home with your "showerwithsupport" but not gifts outlook.

I just got an invite with this poem and was all wtf at the stupidity of it.
Because a sprinkle is still a gift giving event.
Punky, caring = forking over money and giving them a gift
So just to clarify, when you are invited to a sprinkle (which I never heard of before bump) you dont bring gifts?

I take a gift. I don't spend what I do on first babies and don't shop off registries for 2nd babies. But I would get your baby a gift anyway. I don't need a sprinkle invitation to do so.

BrianaSimons · February 2013

MelRC117:
BrianaSimons:
From where Im from a shower was always a shower of support not for welcoming a new mother to motherhood. I didn't learn until I came on here that wanting to be help with your own baby shower is considered 'rude'. Everybody is different, Everyone grows up with different ways of doing things, I for one will not bash how someone wants to throw a shower.
So at this shower of support, did you bring gifts?
You wouldn't bash anyone because you think its okay for you to dictate how your own shower is. You'd be a hypocrite then.

I did not want to dictate my shower I just wanted to make flippin cupcakes!!!!! If she said no FINE, I would go with it, I just asked her a question. And yes people brought gifts because you are celebrating a life, and this new life doesn't have anything so we buy gifts. I don't know maybe I'm not understanding the whole sprinkle, it's not a shower but it's a get together with the option to bring a gift.......

BrianaSimons · February 2013

PunkyBooster:
BrianaSimons:
MelRC117:
PunkyBooster:
clizh:
Is this shower for a second baby then? It would be a sprinkle... I saw a cute invite that said:"Bibs, diapers amp; bottle galore_____ amp; _____ are having one moreBig sister/brother _____ has plenty to share It's only a "sprinkle" to show that we care!"And goes on to say "join us as we sprinkle __________ _________" with all the other when/where/who info no registry info though. The "show that we care" part kind of hits home with your "showerwithsupport" but not gifts outlook.
I just got an invite with this poem and was all wtf at the stupidity of it. Because a sprinkle is still a gift giving event.
Punky, caring = forking over money and giving them a gift
So just to clarify, when you are invited to a sprinkle (which I never heard of before bump) you dont bring gifts?
I take a gift. I don't spend what I do on first babies and don't shop off registries for 2nd babies. But I would get your baby a gift anyway. I don't need a sprinkle invitation to do so.

ok got it, no invitation.......

I mean as a friend I would buy a 2nd MTB the same thing a bought for the first. If Im close family like the mom or something I would give my child the side eye if he or she expect me to pay for another crib, travel system etc.

sonshine0609 · February 2013

See this is why I asked the question in the first place. Difference of perspective. This board seems to have a lot of people that see Showers as a black and white cut & dry gift center event & I just don't. Personally I agree more with you Briana. I see showers as a celebration of life & motherhood as a whole not a welcome to motherhood. I don't see gifts as a necessary. They are nice, don't get me wrong. I don't need or want another stuffed animal or onsie. However I would like to get together with those important to my life & my child's life to celebrate them coming into this world without having to bring a new child into public or myself when I'm not ready. I don't see the necessity for the formality or why it has to be all about the gifts.

BrianaSimons · February 2013

sonshine0609:
See this is why I asked the question in the first place. Difference of perspective. This board seems to have a lot of people that see Showers as a black and white cut & dry gift center event & I just don't. Personally I agree more with you Briana. I see showers as a celebration of life & motherhood as a whole not a welcome to motherhood. I don't see gifts as a necessary. They are nice, don't get me wrong. I don't need or want another stuffed animal or onsie. However I would like to get together with those important to my life & my child's life to celebrate them coming into this world without having to bring a new child into public or myself when I'm not ready. I don't see the necessity for the formality or why it has to be all about the gifts.

Yea thats show how showers are done from where Im from or how I was brought up. I dont want people to think that were trying to be 'gift grabby' because thats not how we see it. If you dont bring a gift that is fine we wont be upset. But an event with cake is reason enough to have it.

sonshine0609 · February 2013

Totally! I was shocked when I showed up on this page & started reading about all of this etiquette. I mean I know my grandmother kind of had this perspective, but no one else I personally know does. I don't consider myself be lacking in class or tact. I'm not a newbie mom, this will be my 4th pregnancy. My teen mom days are behind me, although I was a teen mom many years ago (I have birth control issues, even Mirena has not worked for me). I have a great appreciation for tradition. I grew up in a rural area, but I'm not "redneck", though I have a few friends that are. I've just never attended a baby shower that followed these rules especially, so strictly. In truth I feel a little blindsided, but everyone comes from a different experience and I suppose that's the whole reason most of us come to boards like this. To get another view point.

Jontue · February 2013

auntie:
A shower is about welcoming a newbie to motherhood not about celebrating a new baby. That's what a dedication, christening, baby naming or bris is about.

For my family a christening or dedication is about giving the child back to Christ, not celebrating a new life...I believe differences like this is where the OP is coming from. "Showers" are considered for support also for my family, gifts have never been the initial or even secondary thought for us. We usually give gifts before the shower soon around the announcement of pregnancy or after birth. Quite a bit of showers we don't even have a slot for gift opening. My god sister is going on 16 and this was in place even back then for my mom's shower. I think the rules presented on this board make for a very nice and formal shower, but I am also not familiar with them.

Liz4444 · March 2013

sonshine0609:
Totally! I was shocked when I showed up on this page & started reading about all of this etiquette. I mean I know my grandmother kind of had this perspective, but no one else I personally know does. I don't consider myself be lacking in class or tact. I'm not a newbie mom, this will be my 4th pregnancy. My teen mom days are behind me, although I was a teen mom many years ago (I have birth control issues, even Mirena has not worked for me). I have a great appreciation for tradition. I grew up in a rural area, but I'm not "redneck", though I have a few friends that are. I've just never attended a baby shower that followed these rules especially, so strictly. In truth I feel a little blindsided, but everyone comes from a different experience and I suppose that's the whole reason most of us come to boards like this. To get another view point.

Put it this way, no matter who your audience, you should never do anything that would offend your grandmother. It is much better to err on the side of caution as always be known as the polite one.

EmJ&B · March 2013

dani_brewer:
Do whatever is considered normal for the people who are going to be invited to the shower.

This.

Liz4444:
Put it this way, no matter who your audience, you should never do anything that would offend your grandmother. It is much better to err on the side of caution as always be known as the polite one.

Also this.

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