example of why "just a party to celebrate the baby" is confusing

cinderin · March 2013

My BFF is having her second kid. She said to me (a couple months ago) that she didn't want another shower (she had one with her first), but that her sister was insistent about having something, so she said she was just going to "have a party to celebrate the baby".

I received an e-vite from BFF's sister that said "we are having a party to celebrate the new baby" (BFF is due in a couple weeks) from BFF's sister.

Well, DH and I are both friends with BFF and her DH and I read the e-vite as a "party" so I put it on our calendar and told DH we had been invited to a party.

Side note - both him and I went to BFF's first child's second birthday a few weeks ago and were invited by one e-vite to my email.

So I am talking to BFF last weekend and I asked if her parents are going to be coming for the party, she says "well, my mom is". Turns out, only women are invited. I am thinking basically it is a shower. I am lucky I said something to BFF about it or DH and I would have driven an hour to find out it's only chicks at the party.

She is my BFF, so I had already bought her a gift and was going to bring it to the "party" anyway, but I had to un-invite DH. DH is not upset about it, but I feel a little upset that I thought it was one thing and now it is another.

Anyway - to all the women who post on here that they "just want a party to celebrate the baby" please understand how confusing this can be to your guests. If you are going to have a shower, call it a shower. If you care going to have a party - have a co-ed meet the baby party. Don't have a shower and call it a party.

cinderin · March 2013

chattychiqa:
I see the room for interpretation and not to be snarky, but was the guest list visible? Seeing only women on the evite would be a clue.

I didn't view the guest list. I dont know if it was visible or not. We did attend the birthday party (dh and I) based one one evite to my email.

Liz4444 · March 2013

chattychiqa:
I see the room for interpretation and not to be snarky, but was the guest list visible? Seeing only women on the evite would be a clue.

Most people I know, when sending e-vites to a couple, will only send it to one spouse, and when it's the woman sending it, it's usually to the wives, so I can totally see where she is confused. We were invited to a super bowl party and looking at the e-vite list, it was only sent to the women, but it was meant for the couple.

tilsonc · March 2013

Did the evite say "no gifts?" I would side eye a shower for a second child. I agree it should be more of an open house/meet the baby for couples, but that's just me.

cinderin · March 2013

Liz4444:
chattychiqa:
I see the room for interpretation and not to be snarky, but was the guest list visible? Seeing only women on the evite would be a clue.

Most people I know, when sending e-vites to a couple, will only send it to one spouse, and when it's the woman sending it, it's usually to the wives, so I can totally see where she is confused. We were invited to a super bowl party and looking at the e-vite list, it was only sent to the women, but it was meant for the couple.

not to beat a dead horse, but we just got invited to a first birthday. This time by one of DH's good friends. I am friends with him also and have met his wife a couple times. The e-vite was sent to only me and came from the wife. Clearly this is meant for DH and me.

cinderin · March 2013

tilsonc:
Did the evite say "no gifts?" I would side eye a shower for a second child. I agree it should be more of an open house/meet the baby for couples, but that's just me.

No it did not. But you see, I thought is was a "party" which is different than a shower. She is my BFF so I had already bought her a present, so I am just bringing it.

I agree that second showers are not appropriate.

Happy2BPregnant · March 2013

It's a baby shower but they don't want to call it that in fear of being judged. People are probably judging even more now!

rhubarb123 · March 2013

You said she is due in a couple of weeks. So is this shower before her baby is born or after? Since it is "celebrating the baby" I'm thinking it is after...can't celebrate something that isn't there...right? If they are celebrating the pregnancy then it is a shower. I agree that if it is ONLY women it is also a shower *unless everyone was getting together to have manis or pedis, or even a luncheon at a restaurant.

I can see where an e-vite could be confusing if it didn't say who the e-vite was actually for. If you and DH share an email acct then I would assume it was for both. I know a lot of people that share. Probably would have been a good idea to send paper invites for this. The e-vite could have said..."Ladies" on it somewhere and then you would have known.

cinderin · March 2013

discobelle:
It sounds to me like they just want to have a get together with the girls without the expectation of gifts? If it were a "shower", they'd probably call it a shower and give out registry info.

I am still confused as to what exactly it is supposed to be. Yes, she is still PG (the baby is not here yet).

To me a "PARTY" is a co-ed function. Birthday Party, Halloween Party, Anniversary Party, Superbowl Party, Holiday Party, etc.

Can you have a strictly female party? Sure, but I think if you do, you should really spell it out to people. Send an invite with only my name on it. Address it as a "ladies party" or something! If the activity were geared only toward women (mani/pedi as stated above) then I would get it.

blush64 · March 2013

I think this is a better example of why not stating who is invited is confusing. I have been invited to parties that were all women that were not showers. (not usually through an e-vite)