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1st Trimester
I need some advice.
This is my second child. My first was a c-section and this one is going to be a repeat. For my first I have my mom and the babies father in the operating room with me and my Mother was the biggest help for me and it was a huge comfort to have her in there with me. Fast forward almost 4 years and I met and married an awesome man and this is his first child. I mentioned to him how much I wanted to have my mom in the operating room with us and he said that he'd rather it be just the two of us. Now I want him to have a special experiance with this L&D and I want to give him the privacy and intimacy that he wants, but I still feel very strongly that I want my mother there for us on that day. I dont know how to tell my husbad this without him feeling like his support wont be enough. I also dont know how to make him see it my way without him ever having gone through something like this before and seeing how important it is to have the support you feel you need. Has anyone gone through this and how did you approch it?
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Re: I need some advice.
I haven't been in your situation, but is it possible that with your DH he could be all that you need?
Things are different -- your entire situation is different. You're a STM, BTDT, you know what to expect, etc.
Your mom may be just who you need to be watching LO1 and to be the first one to visit to introduce baby and LO1. KWIM?
I just wouldn't count new DH out just because the first one didn't step up to the plate like your mom did the first time around. If you're willing to be honest enough to tell him that you want your mom there, can't you be honest enough to tell him EXACTLY what you need out of him in the operating room?
You might approach it from the aspect that once the baby arrives, he'll go with the baby and you'll be "alone" in the OR. With my c/s, once my DH left with our son, my epidural wore off and I was in excruciating pain, nothing they gave me would touch it after that. Luckily, I sort of knew the aenesthetist, so she was my saving grace, it was ALMOST like having a friend in the OR.
Are you having your baby in the same hospital ? Do they have the same policy. I am asking because only one person was allowed in the operating room with me. I even asked because I too wanted my mom there and I was told no that I could have only one. I have never heard of a hospital allowing two people in the operating room, but apparently it happens.
I would give your husband the benefit of a doubt and realize that this will be a different experience for you. Maybe assign your mom to watching your first child. However, if you truly want your mom there, then discuss with him how once the baby is born, he can focus on the baby and your mom can focus on you or vice versa.
Without dismissing your husband's feelings, I'm of the opinion that whoever is in labor gets to dictate who's in and who's out.
If it makes it a better experience for you to have your mom there, she should be there.
My mom was in L&D with DH and me when my DD was born and she'll be with us again next time.
I agree with the bolded parts!
I would also just have my dh there since he is the one thast made this baby with me!
This. I will say that after DS was born, I got to hold him briefly and then they transferred him to the nursery while I was getting stitched up and DH went with, leaving me alone. It would have been really nice having someone else with me during that time. Maybe ask your doctor about the hospital's policy, and the possibility of having your mom come in if DH and LO leave the OR for the nursery....
Repeat C-sections are so much easier. I was actually by myself when I got the spinal block, a nurse held my hands. (My husband was still changing into scrubs) Then, my husband was there by me but the doctors do everything. You need to communicate with your husband and do what's best for your family, but it probably is fine without her there just the same. I don't know what there is to do beside smile and be encouraging.
It'll all work out in due time.