Do your friends ask this too??

boodapug77 · March 2013

So I am 25 weeks along with my first child. I am planning on being a stay at home mom until she starts school. So I quit my job recently. I told my friends this who work. One friend of mine wants to know if I would be interested in watching her 4 year 3 days a week for some extra cash. I was kind of surprised she asked me this and find that working moms just assume because I am going to be a stay at home mom that I will watch their kids. I don't want to do that at all. I watched my nephew for a year(with pay 5 days a week) when he was young. Things got weird and awkward when you do business with family. I told myself I never would do that again. Do you stay at home moms have similar experiences and what do you say when friends ask this of you and you don't want to????

I probably should of told my friend up front no and why but I was in shock and she had one of her daughters with her so I just said I would think about it and tried to change the subject. Then I had to hear how she is not happy with her daycare...guilt trip.. kind of how i felt. I just need to make it clear to everyone that I am not a daycare center...I am a stay at home mom and I just want to stay home with my child. I have a hard time saying no and I really need to stop being a people pleaser all the time because I feel taken advantage of sometimes. Should I email my friend and tell her how I feel or wait to see if she ever brings this up again and then discuss it with her? Any advice or thoughts would be great-Thanks!

Lulobug22 · March 2013

I would just tell your friend that you are flattered that she would trust you with her child but that since you will be a first time mom learning how to parent and not knowing what to expect that you think it would be too much to handle.

Honestly I wouldn't get offended if someone asked me to keep their child. I have been asked a few times but I just turned them down politely. A lot of stay at home moms do keep other kids part time to make extra cash so she probably just wanted to throw that out there in case you might be interested. She won't be angry being told no.

joyfullyfound · March 2013

It seems like it's pretty common for SAHMs to be asked to watch other children... It's never happened to me, personally, but I've seen other posts like yours before.

I wouldn't want to watch someone else's kiddo either. If I was running a daycare out of my house and prepared to make sacrifices, that would be different, but just caring for one kid would be really challenging. I'm assuming you'll want to do mommy and me classes, get involved in a mommy group, etc, etc, all of which would be tough with a 4 year old. Not impossible, certainly, and it does work out well for some, but it also has the potential to turn out really badly. I wouldn't risk it except for some specific, close friends.

I'd just email and say at this point you have to say no. Explain that you aren't sure what it will be like with a newborn, and what other commitments you'll have when you're staying home.

notkateanymore · March 2013

I would be shocked if a friend asked me to babysit their child. That's not to say I wouldn't do it, but I would fit it odd.

bumpuser8448316 · March 2013

I have a friend who mentioned me watching her kids and I totally thought she was joking but it turned out she was serious. I had to kindly tell her that I couldn't do it.

I love being home with my kiddo but I have zero desire to spend all day with someone else's kids.

sbevmc09 · March 2013

JellyBellyStar:
Maybe she just thought it would be a win-win for you both. However, it isn't anything to be "shocked" by. I'd simply explain to her at this point you will be adjusting to becoming a new mom and cannot imagine in the foreseeable future watching anymore children than your own.

I agree with this completely.

I haven't actually been asked this, but I wouldn't really find it odd. She was probably just putting a feeler out to see if you were interested in. Some SAHMs I know like to take on watching a kid, especially of someone they know. It's a win-win for the people involved, but it's not for everyone. I'm not interested in watching an extra kid. I have my hands full enough But I wouldn't be offended if someone asked. I would just tell them I had my hands full enough!

boodapug77 · March 2013

I am flattered that she trusts me with her child. I don't think I could ever ask my friends to do this for me...I understand once in a while if it is an emergency. I think she wanted me to watch her child BEFORE I have my baby. But I am almost in my last trimester and just want to relax and prepare myself for motherhood. I had a rough bout of morning sickness so now that I am feeling somewhat normal I just want enjoy the rest of my pregnancy. She lives 45 minutes away but her husband works in my city...But she is thinking about moving down here soon and I just don't want her to have the impression that I will watch her children.

LoriLee14 · March 2013

i would not be shocked but i was a nanny for a long time before becoming a mom. I would not want to watch someone's else's child until closer to 9 months. At that point, little man was sleeping through the night, i knew his cues better, he was on a schedule, and just easier to deal with. A close friend of mine was thinking about getting back into working and asked if i would watch her daughter part time. She ended up not getting the job. I wouldn't just open my house to anyone but again, not shocked that someone would ask nor would i feel bad for saying no to them

Dochas · March 2013

One friend has asked me. I don't think they just assume that you're not doing anything else - I think it's hard to find good childcare. If I was going to leave my son somewhere I imagine it would be great if another SAHM wanted to watch him so he could still be having days similar to what we have now. I turned her down nicely because I am just not cut out for it. I would rather go back to work than babysit. She was not at all upset and understood why I didn't want to.

I was really afraid that I would be taken advantage of too. I am a pushover and a people pleaser. I really imagined having children "dumped" on me all the time. LOL. But it hasn't happened at all. knock on wood!

boodapug77 · March 2013

I quit my job because my job was very physical and I am on my feet all day and up and down on a ladder in a warehouse environment. I also have to be there at 5 am. and drive 30 minutes there and they are not flexible with hours there. I tried to reduce my hours but they said no. If I had a "normal" office type job I could of handled it.

gracefulruby33 · March 2013

Just tell her you want to concentrate on being a mom first before trying to care for anyone else's child. I would fib and say that you might think about it in a year or so (and maybe you'll even change your mind then...) but just say that you want to stay at home to be just with your child. I'm sure she'll understand. Don't put her problems on your back and don't feel pressured.

sbevmc09 · March 2013

MrsMuq:
I wouldn't be shocked and I don't find it odd. I would have just have politely declined.
What I do find odd id your decision to quit your job, regardless of choosing to SAHM, when you're only 25 weeks along. Unless you are high-risk or have a high-risk job, you should be able to physically work for another 12-15 weeks. I don't get why you wouldn't keep working so you can at least bank that salary.

Confused

Really? How can you find the situation odd when you don't even know the circumstances? Not to mention, pretty sure this is a private decision that shouldn't be judged because different things are important to different people.

mrsrobinsontobe · March 2013

I wouldn't be shocked...maybe she thinks you need the money? Lots of moms who can't work a regular job because of their husband's crazy hours watch another child to recoup some of the loss of income. If you're not interested, tell her asap! I would never want someone watching my baby who wasn't interested in doing it...you'd hate for her to pass up something good that may come along...

boodapug77 · March 2013

Thanks! I hate being judged for my decision to stay home early.

notkateanymore · March 2013

MrsMuq:
What I do find odd id your decision to quit your job, regardless of choosing to SAHM, when you're only 25 weeks along. Unless you are high-risk or have a high-risk job, you should be able to physically work for another 12-15 weeks. I don't get why you wouldn't keep working so you can at least bank that salary.

Why does it matter to you? I quit my job about 2 months after I got pregnant. I knew I wouldn't be coming back to work, it was a good transition time for everybody involved and it gave DH and I extra time to be together leading up to the birth of DD. Not to mention I was exhausted to the point of barely being able to function for much of my pregnancy due to not gaining any weight. Had I still been working, I would have been miserable.

Rink08 · March 2013

Mine do but I assume that it is because I was a nanny and not because I SAH. I'd never think to ask someone just because they are a SAHP.

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