Staying at home — The Bump
Baltimore Babies

Staying at home

Ladies who went from being a working mom to a SAHM...how did you make the transition/decision to do so or not to do so? I keep thinking of the benefits of both and I am so torn.  With my salary now I pretty much will only have 100 dollars of take home pay with two kids in daycare...while I have great benefits I am not sure it's worth it.  Either way the financial thing worries me...i keep saying I will be spending less money by NOT working but is this reality... I go back and forth on this on a daily basis....I just want to make the right decision-how did you all make the decision if you had to?  A friend of mine who was in a similar situation told me the decision was easy because they really didn't need her money anyway-I kind of wanted to slap her since it's not really the case with us.  This is gong to be a challange either way! 
image DD#1-Lillian (Lilly) Grace BabyFruit Ticker BLOG:http://lifeasweknowitkelly.blogspot.com/

Re: Staying at home

  • I'm kind of in the same boat as you where as I'm basically working to pay for daycare once we start paying for two.

    I am choosing to go back to work for a few reasons:

    1. I love working and I love the adult interactions I get in a work environment. 

    2. Kieran loves school, his friends and the routine.  I wouldn't want to take him out.

    3. It's only temporary.  It'll be a tough few years financially but eventually they go to school and the daycare bills stop.

    4. I carry the family insurance have amazing benefits and have the flexibility of taking time off without question, permission, and I only work 5 miles from home.

    image
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • It was easier for me as my pay would have barely paid for one kid in daycare. I became a SAHM before having B. I do work part time now but that's for basically extra money and paying to send B to part-time preschool in the morning.

    I thought I would spend less as well but when the kids gets older, we go out and do things. I do belong to a mom's group where people have playdates at their house so we save money that way.  With kids young like Lilly, you can probably get away with it with a newborn.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
  • Loading the player...
  • Staying home isn't really an option for me overall but if I had astronomical daycare bills and had the option, I'd still likely go back to work anyway. I don't believe it's realistic to think you won't spend money. Chances are you will get stir crazy and tend to run errands, go places...even if free it's gas which isn't cheap. IMO you have to seriously consider your entire employer package not just the paycheck. Daycare is temporary and if you are still at the same job think of the benefits as your children get older. 

    Good luck deciding.

  • After having a successful career I didn't know if being a SAHM would be my thing. However, after moving to Baltimore, a few life changes, and the cost we decided me being home would be better for us. I have a 3 month old. The hardest part for me is the lack of interaction. I am just starting to look for a "mommy" group to help with that part. I do take my son to daycare 1 x week for 4 hours because I am finishing grad school.  I also go to Lynn Bricks where they have reasonable child care w/ a really good staff while I work out.  I look forward to that time. I wouldn't choose differently. I actually do save money. But I could see that as my LO gets older there may be a cost associated with activities. Good luck with your decision. Just pursue your truth and it will work out!

  • I had to become a SAHM unless I wanted to change careers - there was no way I could afford or find a daycare that would provide for my hours (I was a restaurant manager - 12 hour days - nights, weekends, holidays) and we don't have family here that would have helped.

    It was an adjustment - especially financially.  I have just recently started working from home - doing something completely different just to get a little extra cash in the budget.  I work when DS is napping/sleeping.

    Also - since H is a chef - it was really important to us that one of us is with DS most of the time rather than him not seeing either of his parents much, ever.  We wanted to be the ones who raise him - not caregivers.

    I used to mourn the "loss" of my career and I still occasionally missed the rush that I would get from a busy Saturday night service, the conversations with adults and being able to really solve problems for my employees or guests.  But since it's been more than a year now - I don't think about it much.

    This time (though the days and weeks can be really long) is going fast, and my kids aren't going to little forever - I feel very lucky to be able to share this time with them and to really be there as their mom 100% of the time.

  • That's a tough decision and definitely both sides have their pros and cons. For me, I know I need to work because I carry our health insurance and after paying for 2 in daycare, we still make a profit every month. Like PP said, daycare is temporary. We don't make much of a profit and have very, very little extra spending money, but working is good for me and I enjoy my job and the adult interaction that comes with it.

    I know we'll only be "daycare broke" for a few years and DH and I have had many, many discussions about it and how we are happy knowing that our kids are getting great care as well as an education in daycare, and we're willing to put those factors ahead of our own wants for a few years.

    When I was on maternity leave with Violet, I kept Sydney home 2 days a week with us and sent her to daycare the other 3. It was fabulous to have that extra time with her, but it confirmed that I am not the type who could stay at home every day. I was ready to pull my hair out after days with the two of them.

    Working makes me a better mom and I treasure the time I have with my kids more, but that's me. This is a tough decision - let us know what you decide

    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image TriciaandSean:

    I'm kind of in the same boat as you where as I'm basically working to pay for daycare once we start paying for two.

    I am choosing to go back to work for a few reasons:

    1. I love working and I love the adult interactions I get in a work environment. 

    2. Kieran loves school, his friends and the routine.  I wouldn't want to take him out.

    3. It's only temporary.  It'll be a tough few years financially but eventually they go to school and the daycare bills stop.

    4. I carry the family insurance have amazing benefits and have the flexibility of taking time off without question, permission, and I only work 5 miles from home.

    For these reasons I also continue to work.  About a year ago DH was offered to be part of a corporate manager program that would have required me to quit (we would have had to move every 6 months for 2 years and then had no say where we ended up), and ultimately we decided he would turn it down.  To add, even if you quit while your kids are little and return to work, you loose all that earning potential/raises while you were out.  I've read a few articles about it, and many mom's that take a few years off also have to go back into their industry at a salary lower than what they were making when the left because their skills are rusty or they aren't up to date on the technological advances, etc. So while we maybe paying 25K in day care for the next 2 years, that comes no where near my salary (or DH's), and both of us will continue to get raises and bonuses during that 2 years.  So while we are also "daycare poor" once DD moves up, DS will be going to kindergarten so we will have a huge decrease in care costs and it just does't make sense for one of us to stop working when we can just really cut back on our spending until then.  And personally for me, being the child of a single parent who never got child support, the thought of being dependent on one income for our living expenses, retirement savings, college savings, etc made me way to nervous to make the decision for one of us to quit.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image Megcheer2:

    That's a tough decision and definitely both sides have their pros and cons. For me, I know I need to work because I carry our health insurance and after paying for 2 in daycare, we still make a profit every month. Like PP said, daycare is temporary. We don't make much of a profit and have very, very little extra spending money, but working is good for me and I enjoy my job and the adult interaction that comes with it.

    I know we'll only be "daycare broke" for a few years and DH and I have had many, many discussions about it and how we are happy knowing that our kids are getting great care as well as an education in daycare, and we're willing to put those factors ahead of our own wants for a few years.

    When I was on maternity leave with Violet, I kept Sydney home 2 days a week with us and sent her to daycare the other 3. It was fabulous to have that extra time with her, but it confirmed that I am not the type who could stay at home every day. I was ready to pull my hair out after days with the two of them.

    Working makes me a better mom and I treasure the time I have with my kids more, but that's me. This is a tough decision - let us know what you decide

    This is pretty much how I feel, almost exactly. I personally don't LOVE my job-its a job-but my employers are nice and flexible, I get free healthcare coverage for my entire family, and I do like the fact that my paycheck contributes to us being able to do fun things like vacations and day trips.  Also, part of my decision is due to the fact that we are committed to getting out of our townhouse and into a forever home.....we need my paycheck for that to happen.

    I am just not cut out to be a SAHM; I could maybe do a few days a week but that isn't feasible in my career right now. This varies so much from person to person though, so you need to ask yourself what your main goals are and how important your career is to you. Good luck, it is not easy.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image cookinitup:

    Also - since H is a chef - it was really important to us that one of us is with DS most of the time rather than him not seeing either of his parents much, ever.  We wanted to be the ones who raise him - not caregivers.

    My kids both go to daycare every day but DH and I are still the ones that raise them. Hopefully you just worded that wrong but that is a huge Mommy War talking point that gets people really upset.


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I agree a lot with MegCheer and MrsRemy. DS loves going to daycare and I would hate to take him out of there. I think it's so good for him. Also...I am not cut out to be a SAHM. And honestly, I am so glad that DS will be continuing to go to daycare when I am on maternity leave with LO#2. I think it's just the best situation for our family. And that's all without even considering the financial side of things. It's as much of a personal decision as it is a financial one (unless finances are forcing you one way or the other, which it doesn't sound like that's the case here).
    image

    BFP#1: 01/10, M/C 6w
    BFP#2: 06/10, M/C 5w
    BFP#3: 09/10, DS born June 1, 2011
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BFP#4: 07/12, M/C 5w3d
    BFP#5: 12/12, EDD 08/18/13
    Pregnancy Ticker

    My Blog: Decorate This
  • image mrs. remy:

    image cookinitup:

    Also - since H is a chef - it was really important to us that one of us is with DS most of the time rather than him not seeing either of his parents much, ever.  We wanted to be the ones who raise him - not caregivers.

    My kids both go to daycare every day but DH and I are still the ones that raise them. Hopefully you just worded that wrong but that is a huge Mommy War talking point that gets people really upset.


    Yes 

    image

    BFP#1: 01/10, M/C 6w
    BFP#2: 06/10, M/C 5w
    BFP#3: 09/10, DS born June 1, 2011
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    BFP#4: 07/12, M/C 5w3d
    BFP#5: 12/12, EDD 08/18/13
    Pregnancy Ticker

    My Blog: Decorate This
  • image TriciaandSean:

    1. I love working and I love the adult interactions I get in a work environment.  YES me too

    2. Kieran loves school, his friends and the routine.  I wouldn't want to take him out. So does Lilly

    3. It's only temporary.  It'll be a tough few years financially but eventually they go to school and the daycare bills stop.  Good Point

    4. I carry the family insurance have amazing benefits and have the flexibility of taking time off without question, permission, and I only work 5 miles from home.  Me too BUT I am farther away-like 45 minutes

    image DD#1-Lillian (Lilly) Grace BabyFruit Ticker BLOG:http://lifeasweknowitkelly.blogspot.com/
  • Thanks guys! I am still torn...I think for now I will be coming back but while I am on maternity leave I am going to be looking for other jobs closer to home or with better pay...My frustration in part is that I SHOULD be making more right now and unfortuantely unless an opportunity comes up here, I need to make a move.  I didn't really think of the whole 'temoraryness' of daycare-to me it seems like forever especially when it's 500+ a week!  You guys all make very good points.  I guess too I am battling that war as well in my head..I just wish the decision was easier.  :( 
    image DD#1-Lillian (Lilly) Grace BabyFruit Ticker BLOG:http://lifeasweknowitkelly.blogspot.com/
  • People have already made a lot of the points I would make.

    to me, a big part of it is that once you step out of the labor force, its very hard to get back in - at the same level.  You'll be bypassing the raises that you would have had as well as the additional retirement contributions you would have accrued.  If I had stayed home, I would have spent a lot of money on activities for DD and me - so while I'm sure it would have been cheaper than daycare, I don't think it would have been free.

    I will say that we are on the tail end of the daycare costs and while I am super happy to be close to done, I realize that we will need to make pretty significant contributions to college fund between now and when DD starts (13 years . .. ) plus w/ summer and aftercare - we're still going to be paying a lot of money. 

    We're going to keep spending close to the same amount of money - it just won't all be going to daycare. 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • I thought about stay at home, but we decided that it was best that I keep working after having Caroline mainly for the great health benefits that my company provides. Plus I like having adult interaction throughout the day. We look at daycare as only being a temporary thing, and in a few years they both will be in school, so that expense will decrease most likely.
    image

    image

    image 





  • I went back to work for a short period of time after Lucy was born and I was MISERABLE.  I wasn't too fond of my job and frankly the only thing I miss are the amazing benefits.  I think had I been somewhat happy in my job I might have considered staying, but that wasn't the case.  If you have any questions about leaving from a benefits standpoint and that transition let me know.  It wasn't as cut and dry as I thought it would be.

    I also had severe anxiety about leaving Lucy.  While I am her mom and was most certainly raising her, I didn't want a stranger (though we did grow close to her) spending more time with her than my husband or I. 

    While not every day is easy breezy I have never once regretted my decision to stay at home.  I didn't really have a career, I had a job, so I didn't feel as though I was really giving anything up.

    Lucy gets a lot of interaction with kids, we do play dates several times a week, gymboree, and I nanny part time.  While it's not quite as much interaction as she gets, I also get a chance to hang out with friends and meet new ones as well.  Plus most of my old coworkers sucked so I don't really miss interacting with them. 


    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
  • O and in terms of spending money, I absolutely spend less being at home.  Yes, I do go out to lunch every now and then and of course there are Target trips but it's nothing compared to when I was working.

    I save money on gas and parking.  I used to eat out a LOT while I was working (a pro and a con of having so many great places to choose from).  I no longer have to chip in for so and so's baby shower or whats his face's going away party.  Also, because I'm home I have the time to spend hunting down deals on our groceries which saves us money. 

    ETA - sorry I didn't want to make a THIRD post.  But when I was considering this, I asked the ladies on my month board (mainly those who did stay home because my mind was pretty much made up) and not one single one of them said they regretted it.  While I realize that's not the case for everyone, it was really overwhelming and made me feel like I wasn't making some huge mistake.

    Plus it really is a great sense of accomplishment to know that when Lucy sings a song or knows sign language or can point out animals that *I* taught her that.  Obviously there is nothing wrong with someone else teaching your children, but knowing that gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment. 

    bumping from my phone. please pardon any typos and missing punctuation
  • The question is really if you're happy and if it's something you guys can swing comfortably. I know where you work and raises don't always happen due to it being a state institution :) 
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickersLilypie Fifth Birthday tickers
  • image Kaybee44:
    The question is really if you're happy and if it's something you guys can swing comfortably. I know where you work and raises don't always happen due to it being a state institution :) 

     YUP-that is NOT an option unless an 'opportunity arises' and I apply for it...which could be possible...just not immediate when I will need it and it's not guarenteed. While I do love my job-there are many things about it I won't miss and honestly if we hit the lotto o my hubby came home and said he was making the amount of money we need to be comfy right now, I would quit instantly.  But there is that small part of me that does not want to become a frumpy mom-not that any of you are at all-I just feel like this job keeps me fresh and maybe does make me a better mom-I guess I just feel that I would totally suck at being a SAHM. 

    image DD#1-Lillian (Lilly) Grace BabyFruit Ticker BLOG:http://lifeasweknowitkelly.blogspot.com/
  • This has been mentioned already, but really do consider the WHOLE employer package. Will you still be able to save for retirement? How much money will you lose when you are at home and can your family afford that (or make up the difference)? Will your DH's retirement be enough for you to live on, assuming that you are still together?

    This is on my mind because we may need to move my mom to assisted living, which is 1) expensive and 2) usually not covered by medicare/insurance, unless you have LTC insurance. My parents are divorced. If my mom hadn't worked and saved for retirement, then we would be in a much more difficult spot financially.

    If you do go back and don't like it, you can always quit. Just a few thoughts, good luck deciding. Smile

    AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
  • I guess the question is just, do you want to stay home?  In some ways it is just that simple.  Right now, I don't particularly want to stay home, for a variety of reasons - I like my job overall, I have great benefits, retirement contributions, I work from home twice a week so I have a lot of flexibility, and DS absolutely loves going to daycare and he really does thrive there. 

    For us, financially it would be really tight for me to stay home bc of my student loans, but it would not be impossible.  But I don't want to do it enough to make it work.  I think if I had a huge desire to stay home I'd make it work and we have discussed re-evaluating every few years.  But that point - whether or not I want to do it enough - is what I think you need to sit down and really figure out, together with your H. 

    I don't like the whole argument of "I'm only working to pay for daycare," because you're not. There are a lot of reasons to work.  And like pp have mentioned, you need to account for your retirement contributions, your health insurance, all that kind of stuff.  My basic salary is good, but when we consider my retirement and health insurance my staying home would be a MUCH more significant hit.

    I don't think there is anything wrong with planning on going back after maternity leave with the mindset of "lets see what happens."  You  may find that you hate working with two kisd.  You may find that it keeps you sane, lol.

     

     

     

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • image mrsbecky07:

    I don't think there is anything wrong with planning on going back after maternity leave with the mindset of "lets see what happens."  You  may find that you hate working with two kisd.  You may find that it keeps you sane, lol.

     

     

    Yes 

    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I'm late to the party on this one, but with two kids, work is my SANITY.  I'm in a unique situation because I work full-time at the hospital three days a week and am home with the kids the rest of the week so it's "best of both worlds" working and being a SAHM.  But work is my quiet time... on the down-time, it's where I get my grocery lists done and everything else I need to get organized because the days I'm at home, it's complete chaos!

    I think it's one of those things where you'll just "know" and once you decide, everything else will just fall into place.  Good luck!

    P.S.  My job actually wouldn't let me go part-time (after finally working up my nerve to ask while on maternity leave) so I didn't have much of a decision to make.  It's nice to have the extra money, plus my kids enjoy their daycare three days a week and learn much more than I could ever teach them at home!

    imageimage Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image mrs. remy:

    image cookinitup:

    Also - since H is a chef - it was really important to us that one of us is with DS most of the time rather than him not seeing either of his parents much, ever.  We wanted to be the ones who raise him - not caregivers.

    My kids both go to daycare every day but DH and I are still the ones that raise them. Hopefully you just worded that wrong but that is a huge Mommy War talking point that gets people really upset.


    im not sure if she responded later but I think she said this because in her career she had to work 12+ hr days and on weekends so she really wouldn't see her child on the days she worked . 

    [CENTER][url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lb3m.lilypie.com/J0OFm5.png[/img][/url] [/CENTER]

    [CENTER][url=http://lilypie.com][img]http://lb1f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/WKInOsz.jpg[/img][img]http://lb1f.lilypie.com/WKInm4.png[/img][/url] [/CENTER]
  • I've been saying at home since after thanksgiving. I liked it at first but I'm super bored now. It wasn't by choice however, as soon as my employer found out I was pregnant there were suddenly "too many employees and not enough hours" and I was the one who was let go. Once LO gets her though I'll have to stay home at least during the day, I might get a job waitressing or something because we can not afford daycare. I hope it gets a little more exiting. Lolol
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards