Vent. Kind of Long.

frankka01 · March 2013

So I have this aunt who is only a few years older than me. When I was growing up, we were always pretty close because she didn't really have many close friends and I she was always someone that I could go to about anything. Well, over the last few years she's become kind of a scum. She has three kids with three baby fathers, and she is now engaged to someone with six other kids of his own. Seven of their kids live in thier little apartment. And she's SOOOO dirty. I can't even stand to be there. I still go over there from time to time when she asks me to, but I never go inside- we always sit on the balcony. Well ever since I told her I was pregnant, she's been saying she has a bunch of stuff to give me. I've been trying to hint that I won't need or want them but she kept pushing the issue. Well I just recently found out that their house is about to be condemned for roaches AND that their kids got sent home iwth scabies and today she has the nerve to text me and say she had all the stuff aside for me and I lost it.

I flat out said no, I don't want it and when she asked why I flipped and really told her about herself. (there's a lot of other issues that I don't agree with) But she got all pissy because I was "mean". But it just makes me mad. What was I supposed to do? She knows how she lives, and knowing that she shouldnt want to put me in a situation where I would have to say no. Like its just inconsiderate of her. And now my grandparents are making a hugeee deal out of it. And I'm just so irritated.

princessvespa1 · March 2013

While that situation sucks for everyone, I probably would have taken what she offered and just threw it out without telling her. But, now it is what it is and I think you need to decide if you want to fix the relationship or not. Goodluck with whatever you decide.

VitaLuna · March 2013

Well, this isn't what you want to hear, but I agree with your aunt that it was a little mean what you said to her. People choose to live how they want and deal with their own consequences. If it doesn't affect your life, then it's not really your business to call her out. I have an aunt that I severely disagree with her cleanliness, finances, etc.. and yes, it's hard not to say something sometimes. But it's her life, her business, not mine. When she asked why, you could've said you wanted to buy new things instead, you had received too many offers from people, you just plain weren't interested, etc.

Like PP said, it's up to you if you want to fix things with her. If you don't, that's ok, you can choose your lifestyle just like she chooses hers. But if you do want to fix things, I think an apology is probably in order.

Babybabybabyohhhhhhh · March 2013

I would feel the same way. She is the one who put you in an awkward spot. You could have taken the stuff and thrown it out but then she would probably wonder what happened to it all eventually. It's probably better that you were honest. She needs to take a look at her life and change how she is living and if no one will be straight up with her then she will continue to raise her kids in a unhealthy home.
Who would want a bag if stuff that is dirty and possibly going to just give your house roaches? Ick

kat81again2 · March 2013

princessvespa1:
While that situation sucks for everyone, I probably would have taken what she offered and just threw it out without telling her. But, now it is what it is and I think you need to decide if you want to fix the relationship or not. Goodluck with whatever you decide.

This. She was offering, afterall, in spite of obviously not having much means herself. I completely understand not wanting the stuff but I think I would have tried to be nicer about it.

I'm so sorry about this situation. It must be horrible to have had such a close family member take a turn for the worst.

jeapplegate · March 2013

I don't think that you should have felt obligated to take the stuff. It was probably contaminated with roach yuck which probably wouldn't hurt you - but gross and possibly scabies. If she is as dirty as you say, then who is to say that it was all cleaned properly and if it is in the house and it is that crowded you could end up bringing scabies into your house. I would not put that stuff in my car. No way.

I wasn't there so I don't know how the conversation went. Maybe you could have said it differently but I don't know if there is a nice way to say it. It sounds like you had already tried to politely dodge the "gifting" and she was still pushing. It was just a crappy position for you to be in. I would challenge any family member who has a problem with you not taking the stuff to go over to her house and take a nap on her couch and put on some of her clothes. That is what they are expecting you to have your baby do.

sarack · March 2013

what a hard situation. my dad has recently become hoarder like and made a comment about he'll start picking stuff up for me.. which means dumpster diving stuff.. and i told him i'm not interested because our apartment will be full enough with just 4 people in it, let alone abunch of extra stuff.

honestly, i think you did the right thing. and i think that she probably needed to hear it from some one who is close. it sounds like a horrible situation that she's in and i wouldn't want the stuff she was offering either.

i hope things start looking up soon.

Ktremblett535 · March 2013

I think it's a little rude that you would judge someone who is supposed to be your family. People have a right to live whatever way they want to live. If you disagree with her conditions you should cut your ties and not be in contact with her. You should have accepted the stuff and just gave it to goodwill or a thrift store as their are people in this world struggling and would appreciate any help. thats what a washing machine is for.She was trying to help you and is excited for you and that's how you treat her. And to air her dirty laundry on a public forum to ask the advice of other women is down right mean. You should be ashamed of yourself.

kdv77 · March 2013

I think it would be hard to accept and it then donate it. She would visit and see her stuffs not there, which in my opinion is worse than being honest. I would not have accepted her things. Perhaps an apology for going off on her living situation and just telling her that you really want to start fresh with your own things that you pick out, but you appreciate her wanting to help.

JLMcWeeney · March 2013

I wouldn't have taken it either. Roaches are incredibly hard to get rid of. I wouldn't take anything from a home that had that serious of a roach problem no matter whose feelings I hurt. I think you made the right choice beibg honest rather than throwing the stuff away once you got it. She would only find out later and be more mad because she thinks that stuff has value.

leece21 · March 2013

I think I would have done pretty much exactly what you did. First say "No thank you" and then when SHE pushed the issue told her why. Just because you are family doesn't mean you have to sugar coat everything.

momee2oreo · March 2013

hoarding is a psychological disorder. you dont have to be that rude to her telling how she should live her life. she has problems with dealing with her relationships and now she is into another commitment which i dont think is helping her live her normal life. maybe you could have helped her cope up with dealing with her 7 children and helping her maintain her household. then you could have the chance to choose for what she thinks you need and recieve it because maybe you would really need it in the future. she will appreciate it more and will cherish your closeness again and bring back the lost times... you mentioned that she doesnt have many friends and you were close before so why not be a friend to her again now..maybe that is what she really needs?....

MJHershey · March 2013

Well if there was scabies, I would have said that I would prefer not to risk them getting into my house so you are going to pass on the stuff but thank you.

If there was not that issue I would have taken them and thrown them out.

Really no need to use this as a "dump on her moment" though. You can decline with class.

diablesse · March 2013

You were absolutely right to not want her potentially dangerous hand me downs, but it sounds like you lost your temper with her over a text where she was trying to be magnanimous. That's a pretty big slap in the face.

I think you probably could have handled it better, but what's done is done.

You should probably apologize, blame it on hormones and wanting to be EXTRA careful, thank her anyway (be firm about not accepting anything) and move on. At the end of the day, remember she was only trying to help you.

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