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Totally inappropriate?

crpatecrpate member
in Adoption

Ok. So this is my first look and post here.

 We have struggled with infertility for 2 years, have had failed IVF and are starting to look into adoption.

I feel like we're at such a disadvantage to adopt too :( My husband is 61 and i'm 29. His age disqualifies us from adopting from many foreign countries and i feel will make it hard for us in the US as well. We have talked to several agencies but have yet to officially begin the process.

We have thought our best bet at adoption will be a private adoption. I see there are some people on this board who mention not wanting to parent a baby. Are they fishing for someone to say,  "oh i'll take your baby", are they looking for possible private adoptions?

Is it inappropriate to private message them and ask if they are interested in a private adoption?

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Re: Totally inappropriate?

  • greenteabeegreenteabee member

    It is inappropriate.

    If they are fishing for somebody to ask, they're most likely scammers.  IMO I felt totally creeped out when people messaged me about adopting my kids when I was considering placement.

    Also, I think it's truly rare for a mother to not WANT to parent their baby. Some mothers just feel like they aren't enough and want better for their babies. Some feel that while they want to, they shouldn't.

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  • kaitylinkaitylin member
    Is foster adopt something you'd be open too? I don't think your ages would be an issue someone correct me if I'm wrong... We hope to foster down the line so I'm still in the early stages of researching it. I need to wait until DD is a little older.

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  • Dr.LorettaDr.Loretta member

    Highly inappropriate. They are usually posting because they're exploring their options and want those with adoption experience to point them in the right direction.

    And it's not that they don't WANT to parent. It's that they may find it difficult/impossible to parent at this time

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  • crpatecrpate member
    Thanks guys. I thought so but honestly just wanted to ask. It seems like its just darn impossible for good people to become parents sometimes. :(
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  • GulfCoasterGulfCoaster

    imagefredalina:
    imagekaitylin:
    Is foster adopt something you'd be open too? I don't think your ages would be an issue someone correct me if I'm wrong... We hope to foster down the line so I'm still in the early stages of researching it. I need to wait until DD is a little older.
    IIRC the older parent's age can't be more than 50 years older than the child being fostered, so at 61 they could adopt an 11 year old. Our local Catholic Charities says the age when you average the parents' ages can't be more than 46, so they would qualify, but I can't remember if there's a straight up max. But again if OP pursues private adoption, it shouldn't be an issue.

    This must vary by state.  Here, there is a maximum age restriction for foster parents -- I think it's 65 at initial licensure -- but it is not linked to the age of the foster child placed in the home.  It might be worth looking into foster/adoption as another potential option, depending on the state.

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