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adoxyinherear · March 2013

SEX. Because seriously, the drama in this house over sexytime. So over it. I'm in the mood maybe once a week, more like every two weeks. With BFing and the mini-pill, you'd think DH would be prepared. But no. Finally I had to tell him that it seriously was not happening every day, and probably not every other day, and you'd think I left his birthday cake out in the rain. I feel like he gets PLENTY.

How do you ladies handle it? Am I the only one with a negative libido?

CdnFarmGirl08 · March 2013

You're not the only one.
DS is 5 months old and we've had sex three times. Maybe four. He's been pretty good about it. He asks a lot, but gets turned down pretty often! With DS still getting up 2x a night and up for the day at 6am, I'm pretty tired.

Plus DH really only gets home from work around 7 and only comes to bed between 11-12 and is up and out the door by 6 so the time frame is pretty small each day. I'm usually in bed by 8:30!

LoveOfMikesLife · March 2013

DS is 7 months and things are just starting to get ok. It was bad for a while. I honestly turned into the wife that pretended to be asleep.

crystalknpp · March 2013

I have to say DH has been way more understanding and patient then I thought he would be. From 22wks pregnant on having sex freaked DH out because he could feel DS moving so we DTD maybe 3 times my whole pregnancy. Then during delivery I had some very severe tearing and stitches. I spotted for 10wks pp and then AF showed up around 12wks pp. After that every time DH and I tried to have sex I would chicken out because I was so afraid it would be excruciating. Long story short the last time we DTD it was April 2012 and I was about 20ish weeks KU and we didn't have sex again until Valentines Day 2013. Once we finally did though I have to say my libido is right back to normal. I'm lucky though that DS is asleep every night at 8pm and usually sleeps until at least 6am so we have a pretty consistent window of opportunity.

MrsRiceARoni · March 2013

I haven't gotten any since early in the 3rd trimester. Not that I haven't wanted to but we've been passing a cold back and forth and the few nights we were both feeling relatively healthy and were home at a decent time lo was fussy and didn't want to sleep. Maybe we'll finally get to it when DH gets healthy again if I don't catch this cold after him again.

adoxyinherear · March 2013

LoveOfMikesLife:
DS is 7 months and things are just starting to get ok. It was bad for a while. I honestly turned into the wife that pretended to be asleep.

I wish this worked for me. He tries to put the moves on me when I'm ACTUALLY ASLEEP. If I didn't love him so much I could kill him sometimes.

crystalknpp:
I have to say DH has been way more understanding and patient then I thought he would be. From 22wks pregnant on having sex freaked DH out because he could feel DS moving so we DTD maybe 3 times my whole pregnancy. Then during delivery I had some very severe tearing and stitches. I spotted for 10wks pp and then AF showed up around 12wks pp. After that every time DH and I tried to have sex I would chicken out because I was so afraid it would be excruciating. Long story short the last time we DTD it was April 2012 and I was about 20ish weeks KU and we didn't have sex again until Valentines Day 2013. Once we finally did though I have to say my libido is right back to normal. I'm lucky though that DS is asleep every night at 8pm and usually sleeps until at least 6am so we have a pretty consistent window of opportunity.

That is nice!! DD does not STTN anymore, and I'm up on average two times a night to nurse her.

katigox · March 2013

For us, it's not a matter of not wanting to ~ as much as we are just darn tired all the time! DH works nights, and I'm up all over the place - so it's hard to get in sync. I think we've done it three times since DS was born (and before that, we hadn't done but a few times while I was pregnant due to morning sickness, and then edema, and DS moving my stomach ;P <-- never thought it would freak us out, but it totally did!).

crystalknpp · March 2013

RusalkaSings:
That is nice!! DD does not STTN anymore, and I'm up on average two times a night to nurse her.

Have you tried talking to DH and just explaining how exhausted you are? DS around growth spurts or when he's having a rough time with teething can wake up several times a night and be a real handful during the day. DH pretty much knows it's not happening during those times and if it does it takes more effort on his part, for example back rubs or taking DS when he gets home so I can take a hot bath/shower and relax a bit! I had to tell him this though because for the longest time he just wasn't getting how physically and emotionally exhausted I was.

adoxyinherear · March 2013

crystalknpp:
RusalkaSings:
That is nice!! DD does not STTN anymore, and I'm up on average two times a night to nurse her.
Have you tried talking to DH and just explaining how exhausted you are? DS around growth spurts or when he's having a rough time with teething can wake up several times a night and be a real handful during the day. DH pretty much knows it's not happening during those times and if it does it takes more effort on his part, for example back rubs or taking DS when he gets home so I can take a hot bath/shower and relax a bit! I had to tell him this though because for the longest time he just wasn't getting how physically and emotionally exhausted I was.

We did have a talk the other day, and I think he gets it, it's just hard. I want him to feel cared for, just yeah, some days I'm exhausted. And I feel like we DTD a couple of times a week, so it's not like he's starved for attention.

crystalknpp · March 2013

RusalkaSings:

We did have a talk the other day, and I think he gets it, it's just hard. I want him to feel cared for, just yeah, some days I'm exhausted. And I feel like we DTD a couple of times a week, so it's not like he's starved for attention.

I think a couple times a week is very reasonable, especially with your DD getting up twice a night. Having kids definitely changes things. Tell your DH he's just lucky that DD isn't 3 or 4 and scared of monsters under her bed so she wants to sleep with mommy and daddy at night. :0)

spincat9 · March 2013

Oh boy, well I am in no position to offer any advice. It has been months...but...

Personally I don't think your DH is being realistic. BF'ing and taking care of a LO takes so much energy, I found it hard to have much drive during that time. I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard when one is in the mood and the other isn't. DH and I are rarely on the same page there these days. After taking care of DD all day, or for him working/commuting, we are usually both so tired.

I hope you and your hubby can find a happy medium!

bmv1980 · March 2013

Oh, I'm glad you started this thread! I thought it was just me with sex problems ;] Lol, we have only dtd a few times since G came. I tried to get as much as I could before because I knew it would be rough after baby.

I'm not taking the mini pill yet because I worry about my milk supply. DH is petrified that we'll get pg. I'm heavier than I've ever been in my life outside of pregnancy. I'm bitchier now than ever since dh and I have known each other. A baby changes so much for a mommy, in so many different ways. A daddy's life changes, but differently, and, dare I say...not as much as mom's? The first year of baby's life I like another yer year of pregnancy, but on the outside. Needless to say, DH and I have our work cut out for us!

drvst8 · March 2013

Your not alone. DD is 5 months now and we've only DTD once she was born. Now that i'm back to work its even worse. I'm just too tired at night and I have no interest in it right now. I'm hoping that changes. My poor DH does too.

cmumama · March 2013

My DH is starting to get pretty frustrated. I recently stopped BF'ing though and my libido has perked up a bit, but unfortunately I'm still SOOOO tired. By the time both kids are in bed and we have time to be alone, all I want to do is sleep.

Oatoa · March 2013

Our sexx life is just getting back to normal. Sex is just getting good again. I am just about finished weaning DD and my drive has gone back up. But until this point we were having sexy time once every couple of months. Your DH seems to be getting much more loving than mine has. He should be thankful!

psumel13 · March 2013

I could have written this post! My DH tries EVERY night. I feel like I am constantly turning him down. Between being exhausted from chasing my 3 love bugs around all day to the fact my libido is nada since my hystorectomy I would rather get solid sleep than do the deed! I try to give in at least once every few weeks. I hope my drive comes back otherwise his frustration will get worse.
Glad to know I'm not alone!

awesnap · March 2013

Yep. I'm convinced it is because of the hormones from BF. Once I weaned my libido returned and felt like normal. I jist had no interest before then.

ewilliams1127 · March 2013

I didn't get my libido back until I stopped bf at 6 mos, then I was too damn tired! We are lucky to get it in 2-3x's a month and DS is 16 mos old! I have made it an incentive for date night for DH just to get him to take me out more:)

adoxyinherear · March 2013

ewilliams1127:
I didn't get my libido back until I stopped bf at 6 mos, then I was too damn tired! We are lucky to get it in 2-3x's a month and DS is 16 mos old! I have made it an incentive for date night for DH just to get him to take me out more:)

Ah ha, nice!!

melly918 · March 2013

After DS, sex hurt so bad that we haven't attempted it this time around. When I got off the mini pill and stopped BFing ehen he was 18 months, my libido came back and sex improved. I never made that connection until recently. We all just have to be patient. It will come back eventually when we are ready and all the planets align!

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