ugh! mil rant

Re: ugh! mil rant

• mben1119 member

  February 2013

  Your husband needs to be the one to have this conversation with his mother. But, and this is going to sound harsh, some people just don't like babies. Some people don't get into kids until they're a little older. She isn't obligated to show interest, stop by, or anything like that. Would it be nice?  Sure. But ultimately you and your husband need to come to a consensus, then he needs to talk with her. And you don't know if she's had something rough going on in her life lately.

  

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• DiveFrog member

  February 2013

  That's tough. I hate to say it but some people just don't connect that well with very young babies. Let's be honest, until they around 6 months you can't do much with them but hold them and talk to them.

  DH's Dad is an awesome grandpa. He loves our niece and nephew and does lots of stuff with them. We know he adores our DD as well, but he has only held her a handful of times in 9 months and he and MIL only live 4 miles away. He doesn't "do" baby care. Basically, he just doesn't kick into grandpa mode until the kids are around 2-3, potty trained and can communicate with him.

  On the impromptu visit...eh I guess that is up to you. I don't generally have a problem with very close family and friends just showing up on my doorstep. And if you truly want your child to have a realtionship with his Grandmother than you probably should have recognized that she just made an effort and then you shut her down. If you do that one too many times she will not initiate contact going forward. I would think you should reward and foster her initiating a visit.

  My answer might be a little different if your child was say 2-3 and she never sees him and calls out of the blue, but babyhood is not for everyone, and I am not sure if your MIL has other grandchildren or not, but if not remember it can take people time to grow into the role of grandparents just as it takes new parents time to grow into their role as parent.  

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• buzzbee24 member

  February 2013

  I do think it's a conversation my husband needs to have with her and I've told him, but he avoids it at all costs. She is a grandmother seven times over and actively involved with all the other grand kids. One even a month younger than my son. I think the difference is that mil have openly let it be known she takes issues with jewish people and black people....and I am a combo of both so....I can't be sure that's why she's shown ds less interest than the other grand kids, but I can't help but to feel that way. She also makes comments all the time how I stole her only son, her baby away. I really don't know what to think. It makes me so sad.

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• DiveFrog member

  February 2013

  buzzbee24:

  I do think it's a conversation my husband needs to have with her and I've told him, but he avoids it at all costs. She is a grandmother seven times over and actively involved with all the other grand kids. One even a month younger than my son. I think the difference is that mil have openly let it be known she takes issues with jewish people and black people....and I am a combo of both so....I can't be sure that's why she's shown ds less interest than the other grand kids, but I can't help but to feel that way. She also makes comments all the time how I stole her only son, her baby away. I really don't know what to think. It makes me so sad.

  All this defnitely means other things are most likely going on...still if you want her to have a relationship with your son, then I wouldn't shut her down when she does make an effort to see him and be involved.

  If you take issue with her being involved in your son's life because she is a bigot (that's what it sounds like from this follow up) and you don't want your son exposed to that, or because she treats him as "less" than her other grandchildren then that is something that you and DH need to discuss and come to an agreement on, and how you are both going to breach the subject with his mother.

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• meglette417 member

  February 2013

  I can't blame you for being annoyed, if she is favoring the other grandchildren I just don't think that is right.  Truthfully if you do want her having a relationship then you may need to compromise in dealing with her stop ins but I am a grudge holder (not good I know) and I probably would have said no as well just because she has been non existent.  But I agree your husband needs to have the talk and I can understand your frustration b/c my DH does the same with his parents, never wants to have a convo in regards to his disappointment with them.

  

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• cbmp06 member

  February 2013

  Yeah I am not a fan of the random drop in either, and probably would have said no myself!

  

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• jemgirl202 member

  March 2013

  My mil favors her other grandchildren too. And they live in a whole other state. She spends more time visiting and skyping with them than she has with us and we only live 45 minutes away and I hear from her maybe once a month and thats when I call her. So I think its a MIL thing. All my friends have MIL issues too. I know its frustrating. Im sorry she is acting like that.

  

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