AP approach to dropping LO at daycare?

KateLouise · March 2013

DD1 started daycare at 12mths. At age 2 I had DD2, and so both girls were at home with me fulltime for 12mths.

When I returned to work. DD1 was 3 and DD1 was 1yr.

I asked around on the boards about ways to help DD1 settle in, as she was older.

One piece of advice was to be very matter of fact at drop off and to keep it brief. A quick kiss goodbye and then leave. Although I completely understand the reasoning behind not drawing out the inevitable, this is a very different approach to the one I took when DD1 first went to daycare at 12mths.

My approach to daycare has always been that I want the girls to see me enjoying the space as well. That I'm interested in the different activities set up, and enjoy talking with the staff. I also am happy to spend time with them before drop off and at pick up looking at things together. Although ultimately I have to leave, I like to build time into our routine so I have time to read a book to them, look at toys, or talk to staff about the days activities etc.

With DD2 I sit on the floor and wait for her to leave my lap to look at toys or greet a staff member. Someimes she'll go back and forth between my lap and an activity a few times before settling in.

With both the girls the first 3 days or so were easy. Then they worked out I'd be gone for house when I left, so they got really upset at drop off for about 2 weeks. Now they're both very happy. Some mornings they get a bit wobbly and want to sit in my lap and have extra cuddles, which is fine as I have that time built in. But sometimes they skip off to play, and I leave them to it.

Anyway, it got me wondering if there's an AP school of thought? Not even necessarily just with daycare but when leaving your LO with a sitter or anything else?

APendola · March 2013

I am home with my LO for a year as well and she will be going to a dayhome full time starting in July. The women who runs it said I can come by in June a few times and stay with her a couple hours at the dayhome. Then I can try dropping her off for just the morning. That way she gets gradually introduced. I don't know if that is AP's recommendations - but it seems like a nice gentle approach. Especially as she'll get to experience it the first couple of times with me there letting her know that it is okay. Would your daycare allow a couple trials like that?

Also, my DH is going to drop her off at the dayhome and I will pick her up. He's used to saying goodbye to her. As I've been home with her all this time, it's going to be really hard for me at first. I think it will be harder on me then on her, haha. I think a lot of kids are upset and cry the first couple days at daycare but they learn to love it. They get lots of activities and attention and have fun.

rboisvert · March 2013

I started doing drop off with DD at 18 months like you do. She always cried when I had to leave but I hear the crying was very brief. Then one day she brought her Pooh Bear to class and the kids that were there swarmed her. I had to step out to grab her diapers and she didn't notice and was happily playing. Since then I don't go in anymore. Open the door, let friends come greet her and let her walk in. I'm also doing the same at bedtime. I think if she has time with me there she just wants me to stay but if she goes in herself she's much more at ease. Just a what's working for us. I do spend time with her at pick up (she goes to daycare where I teach so I also play dodge the baby all day in the halls, if she sees me it's all over). I would say the AP way to do drop off is the way that works best for your LO. It may take some time to figure out what that is.

erbear · March 2013

I don't know if it's AP (nor do I care) but I think the same as you. I try to have enough time to hang out, even if just for a few minutes, in the classrooms before I leave. I don't always have time to wait for my girls to make the first move, so to speak, but I've almost never had to leave them in tears and when I do, a teacher has always picked them up and engaged them - tears stopped before I even get to the door.

MmW36 · March 2013

I'm a FTM, and I don't have any experience with AP or having to drop off my child-- but I WAS a preschool teacher for a couple of years. I would recommend for all parents to set up a routine with their child. From what you've said, you have a routine that works for you and that's great.

However, I've seen a lot of parents obviously distressed to leave their children for the day-- that's what causes the most issues. I understand not wanting to leave your child crying, but if you are visibly upset, your child is going to be upset, too. (I'm not saying you do this-- it actually sounds like you have a terrific set-up with your children.) Looking at artwork, reading books or even eating breakfast (if it is still being served) with your child are all ways to help reassure the child while ALSO engaging him/her in the environment. Most people don't do this, and for those people I would recommend a quick kiss and a good-bye.

Honestly, if you have found a good preschool/daycare, if there are a few times where you have to leave your child crying it should not be an issue. A good preschool provider is going to help your child work through these feelings. I always made sure the children understood that it was okay to feel sad about mommy or daddy leaving and to give extra attention when it was needed. After a few minutes, most children are not only fine, but having a blast. I recommend, if you go with a center-based preschool, to pick a center with cameras in the classroom and an open door policy. If you are worried, you can ask to watch the camera feed and make sure that the teachers are providing the appropriate care.

But it really does sound like you have a wonderful routine already set.

blu-eyedwife · March 2013

I don't know if it's AP or not, or if it was a good idea or not, but my guy hit major separation anxiety with daycare at 12.5 months. He'd been fine the first 7 months he was there, but for whatever reason, at that time he was hysterical during drop offs. I put time in my schedule to stay with him for a bit. It actually didn't necessarily make the transition easier, he still cried at drop off, but it made me feel better. His teachers and I worked together - I could stay as long as I wanted, and they respected that, and when I had to leave they really helped with distraction - taking him to get special toys, cuddles,visits with his favorite teachers, or taking him to look at his favorite pictures.

This lasted about 2 months, and then he went back to being fine at dropoff. Now he runs to join his friends and I wave goodbye.

highlights · March 2013

We built a routine into his morning at daycare. Even though we have time to eat at home, I always take him in time for him to eat (and some days he gets two breakfasts) because I know that he needs to know what to expect as soon as he walks in the door. So we walk into the dining room, he chooses his cereal and his chair, I put his coat in his room and then on my way back out, I tell him to have a good day and that's it.

He enjoys that a lot more than the occasional day when he doesn't want breakfast, or we are doing a late drop off. Those are the days that I leave him in distress and I very much dislike those days.

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AP approach to dropping LO at daycare?

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