Rude Registry?

ELauren88 · March 2013

I was going to post this on my BMB, but thought you shower ladies might have some deeper insight.

So, (not so) long story short, I'm a FTM and am in my second trimester. My mom and dad found us a sweet deal on a crib and new mattress (plus new, never-been-opened crib sheets), and bought it for us. DH and I went "browsing" one day and ended up purchasing a travel system we loved. These are the ONLY things that have been purchased!! (For the "large" things, that is)

Now, my mom found out that we went a head and bought our travel system, and had a mini-freak out/gave me a lecture about how "rude" I was/am being to my potential baby shower guests. She's claiming that I'm buying everything before giving anyone else a chance, and that it'll be disappointing to "everyone" when they see my registry.

Uhh...ok? I'm pretty sure she is talking crazy, and I personally don't see any problem with buying myself some of the bigger items we will NEED. (Car seat, crib, etc) I don't want to assume someone is going to be that generous and buy us big items! I know my mom will, but she's acting like we already have everything! We don't even have an extra dresser to use! I told her we still need/want plenty of things, and to trust me, we will not be buying everything on that list. (a swing AND a bouncer?? Not necessarily, would be nice though)

So please, tell me, is it "rude" of me to assume nothing from my potential guests? I'm really just trying to make my and my friend's wallets lives easier.

shakes · March 2013

I'm going to say no. You're free to buy whatever you can off your own registry, just make sure you take it off the registry. I am going to assume she or someone else had their heart set on buying the travel system. Maybe just ask her why she's flipping out. They will find something else. You did nothing wrong.

afrochick09 · March 2013

If you're rude, then I am too. DH and I have a found a lot of the larger ticket items at a second hand store, that only take barely used items, for half the cost. Would I rather pay half when we can or force our guest to pay what I wouldn't? I like the latter. I think it's hard when it comes to registries. I'd rather know that i'm getting what is needed rather then hope they choose the things we need.

ELauren88 · March 2013

breezalina82:
I'd rather know that i'm getting what is needed rather then hope they choose the things we need.

This was along my line of thought as well. I know my friends and family very well (I should hope), and I know they're most excited to buy books, and clothes, and other "cute" things. I don't expect them to take care of the needs of my baby. I expect DH and I to cover the necessities. If someone buys us something "big", great! Thank you so much! But deep down, I'd feel so guilty they spent so much money on me.

ELauren88 · March 2013

shakes:
I'm going to say no. You're free to buy whatever you can off your own registry, just make sure you take it off the registry. I am going to assume she or someone else had their heart set on buying the travel system. Maybe just ask her why she's flipping out. They will find something else. You did nothing wrong.

You are probably right, DH said the same thing later on. Mainly because a travel system is what she bought for SIL's shower. /sigh I guess I just was trying to stay in the mentality of "my baby, my responsibility".

rhubarb123 · March 2013

shakes:
I'm going to say no. You're free to buy whatever you can off your own registry, just make sure you take it off the registry. I am going to assume she or someone else had their heart set on buying the travel system. Maybe just ask her why she's flipping out. They will find something else. You did nothing wrong.

I agree with this. Have the invites gone out with registry info? If not - don't worry about it. You are not "rude". We only got a few of the larger items but nothing like a crib or travel system. There are still large things needed...PNP, highchair, breast pump, etc. I would ignore her and buy what you want if you find a good deal. Make sure to remove the item from your registry.

ELauren88 · March 2013

rhubarb123:
shakes:
I'm going to say no. You're free to buy whatever you can off your own registry, just make sure you take it off the registry. I am going to assume she or someone else had their heart set on buying the travel system. Maybe just ask her why she's flipping out. They will find something else. You did nothing wrong.

I agree with this. Have the invites gone out with registry info? If not - don't worry about it. You are not "rude". We only got a few of the larger items but nothing like a crib or travel system. There are still large things needed...PNP, highchair, breast pump, etc. I would ignore her and buy what you want if you find a good deal. Make sure to remove the item from your registry.

Thanks for the support! To add, no the invites have not gone out. My BFF not even close to that point, which is why my mother's reaction had me so taken back.

shakes · March 2013

ELauren88:
rhubarb123:
shakes:
I'm going to say no. You're free to buy whatever you can off your own registry, just make sure you take it off the registry. I am going to assume she or someone else had their heart set on buying the travel system. Maybe just ask her why she's flipping out. They will find something else. You did nothing wrong.

I agree with this. Have the invites gone out with registry info? If not - don't worry about it. You are not "rude". We only got a few of the larger items but nothing like a crib or travel system. There are still large things needed...PNP, highchair, breast pump, etc. I would ignore her and buy what you want if you find a good deal. Make sure to remove the item from your registry.
Thanks for the support! To add, no the invites have not gone out. My BFF not even close to that point, which is why my mother's reaction had me so taken back.

I would absolutely assume your mom bought or wanted to buy the travel system and may have already asked a few other people to go in on it. Tell her there's other stuff you need just as much. She'll chill out.

Unknown · March 2013

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MzCurnett8886 · March 2013

I'm weird but I am just assuming no one is buying us anything and just coming to our showers to eat the food and hang out like they did at my bridal shower. If you find it on sale or at a great price I don't think you did anything wrong in getting what you need for a child.

Most people want to buy a cute gift like you said and don't want to spend more than 50bucks. A few relatives may go in for a 'big' gift but never assume your guests are getting the larger ticket items.

PunkyBooster · March 2013

Your mom is being crazy.

1026pumpkin · March 2013

You aren't being rude at all....it would be rude to expect your guests to get you everything you need. I would purchase anything you see a great deal on, as you point out there are a lot of things you could use and should be plenty of items left on your registry. If you have 2 or 3 items under 30 bucks per shower guest plus a few bigger ticket items, people will have plenty of selection when they go shopping.

Lol, usually people get flamed on this board for being all ohh.emm.gee I need so much stuff and it's so expensive and people only bought stuff not on my registry, how am I going to take care of my babeeeeeee.

shanandlola · March 2013

No not rude at all!!! I did the very same thing and my mother said the same as yours. I simply explained im picky this is my first baby and I wanted to be hands on.

LaineyPaney · March 2013

discobelle:
It's not rude at all.It's your baby. nbsp;You can buy whatever you want. nbsp;:

Ditto

bripratt2 · March 2013

Not only is it not rude but you can't leave the hospital without a car seat. that and a crib you want to MAKE SURE you have. I wouldn't count on them for a baby shower to get those things. What if you're early?

JJ3813 · March 2013

We did the exact same thing, except we bought more than you did. We found our infant car seat on clearance so we snatched it up, same with the pack n play. We also bought a bouncer, tub, and playmat second hand, in excellent condition for $5 each. Trust me, I heard it from my MIL for weeks, but when we bought everything, no one had yet offered to throw us a shower so we were assuming we needed to pick up the necessities by ourselves. By 30 weeks, we had everything we needed besides the diapers and I found that very comforting.

We still had plenty to put on the registry for a smaller shower, lots of the little items...books, lotions, soap, bottles, boppy, sheets, changing pad, books, towels, blankets, etc.

And if people don't find smething on your registry that they want to buy for you, they'll just buy something not on there. It's not at all like a wedding where people typically only buy off the registry or give money/gift cards (at least in my experiences)

I wouldn't worry about it

tilsonc · March 2013

Your mom is crazy. The grandparents are usually the only ones that guy large gifts (unless someone goes in on a group gift). I bought almost all the big items as its the parents responsibility. It would look rude to have all of that stuff on the registry(IMO).

pinottoparenthood · March 2013

That seems silly. Believe me, as a FTM myself there are a million and one things to register... and we are getting some things used/borrowing some things from friends, but there was still plenty to put on the registry. Also, some people are going to want to buy clothes and stuff like that, which may not even be on your registry. If people want to bring gifts, they will find gifts to bring.

Having said that, I wouldn't be afraid to put big things on your registry if you still have some you want. Some groups of people might want to go in together on a big-ticket item, and you might be surprised by some people's generosity. Just make sure that you also have lots of low to mid range priced items on there, as well. People like options.

highlights · March 2013

Absolutely not. I got that lecture the first time and not only did no one buy big ticket items, they absolutely didn't buy a single thing from my registry.

laurakaz13 · March 2013

Ha ha! I can guarantee that people are dying to spend hundreds of dollars on your baby. The basic shower gift is what? $40?

Buy what you want!

JLW0504 · March 2013

It's not rude at all. As a frequent baby shower guest(and soon to be mom myself), guests really enjoy buying the smaller things, clothes, baby booties, books, blankets, hats, etc. My husband and I would never expect to get a crib/travel system, etc. from our guests or family. It would be a nice and much appreciated gesture, but I would feel horribly guilty considering the cost on those things. Big stuff comes hand in hand with parenting. Mommies and Daddies buy what the baby needs. The guest buy what the baby looks cute in:)

rubysue267 · March 2013

I don't think it's rude at all. Your mom needs to calm down.

I think it's rude when people fill their registries with high-ticket items and expect their shower guests to supply them with everything they need for the baby.

EmJ&B · March 2013

I think you're good - your mom needs to chill

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