- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Working Moms
PhillyGal34
member
D/C moms come in please...
PhillyGal34
member
in Working Moms
DS is almost 9 months old but hasn't been in daycare yet. I went back to work after 12 weeks and then we had someone come watch him and dh is currently on fmla and a sahd. He goes back to work in 6 weeks.
We may be able to cut it if he stayed home but it would be tight and I don't think it would be good for dh's career if he took years off. So yeah. DS is going to daycare eventually.
I need you to remind me why I'm not a horrible mom for putting him in d/c. Bonus points for why it's a good thing. I know millions of people do it and its good for socializing but I cannot stop crying and feeling like I'm abandoning him.
Thanks
Eta he's been home bc he was over 2 months premature and the cold/flu/rsv season was dangerous for him. He would've gone into d/c at 12 weeks otherwise.
And I'm not judging anyone else who is in d/c. I just can't wrap my head around it and am asking for help.
Thanks.
We may be able to cut it if he stayed home but it would be tight and I don't think it would be good for dh's career if he took years off. So yeah. DS is going to daycare eventually.
I need you to remind me why I'm not a horrible mom for putting him in d/c. Bonus points for why it's a good thing. I know millions of people do it and its good for socializing but I cannot stop crying and feeling like I'm abandoning him.
Thanks
Eta he's been home bc he was over 2 months premature and the cold/flu/rsv season was dangerous for him. He would've gone into d/c at 12 weeks otherwise.
And I'm not judging anyone else who is in d/c. I just can't wrap my head around it and am asking for help.
Thanks.
Our little hippo was as impatient as mom!
Hoping for a full 40 weeks!!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: D/C moms come in please...
1. We had a lot of stress caused by me working while DH stayed home. It wasn't our choice since DH was laid off, but definitely not something I would choose.
2. At 18 months DS was behind in speech and I think it had a lot to do with him not being in an actual learning environment, since DH I are not teachers at all.
3. After just a few months at his new daycare we saw great advances in DS in speech, socializing, motor skills, you name it.
4. You are not a terrible mother and you are not abandoning your child. For me when I'm home I'm trying to always multitask. I figure when DS is at dc, he and his classmates gets all of the teachers attention. They are trained educators and their attention is not spread all over the place.
Just do the best you can. If it doesn't work, you'll reevaluate try something else.
Good luck!
What part can't you wrap your head around? Maybe we can address your specific concerns. You had someone come in and watch him ... how is that different? Are you afraid he's going to lose that one-on-one interaction or of something else?
I personally think that daycares can be superior to nannies as kids get older. Most moms of toddlers end up sending their kids to preschool anyway because of the socialization and group learning that takes place.
Daycare has been wonderful for my DD. Everyday she comes home with new words, a new song, a new art project. They have aerobics classes and Spanish classes and the older kids also learn computer skills. They have a fantastic jungle gym and a gross motor room. I can't replicate that at home.
I don't feel like I'm "abandoning" her anymore than I would if I were sending her to kindergarten. Call it "school" if it makes you feel better ... in about three months, when he graduates to the toddler room, that's exactly how you'll begin to think about it.
LO has been in a daycare center since he was 11 weeks old and I wouldn't have it any other way.
He has friends, is comfortable around adults, is comfortable trying new things, gets music and art classes, will do soccer this spring, and will even go on field trips soon
Not only that but he has learned a ton. He goes in to the preschool room on Monday and is super excited for all the things he gets to discover and do.
Finally, daycare is awesome because on the days I am sick or have appointments to go to- I can take him there instead trying to keep him occupied.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
This. I am home with LO over the summer and I am , find open gyms, etc - Its kind of a PITA. Not that I don't love being home with LO in the summer, but I am so greatful for daycare and all that they do because it is very hard to replicate it at home.
A kiss he will never forget- Disney World 2014
And again I'm sorry if the abandoning thing came across wrong. I have issues with it since I had to leave him in the nicu for a month. Every day that I left the hospital without him I felt like I was abandoning him. I knew he was safe and it was where he needed to be but I still felt horrible. So I think that's a lot of it.
I'm scared he will look for me and I won't be there and that he will be behind the other kids or small and picked on and no one will protect him. I know it's dumb but I can't help it.
I'd be a sahm in a second if I could but I'm the breadwinner. if anyone would stay home it would be dh. He says he would but like pp said I also want to provide for him without worrying about money constantly or him not being able to play baseball because we can't afford it.
He just looked up at me crying like I'm nuts. I am.
Fwiw dh thinks daycare will be a good thing. It's just me that's crazy.
I'm probably reiterating what others said already but was wondering about your concern about a 9 month old being behind and 'getting picked on'? Getting picked on by whom? Honestly none of the getting picked on (intentionally) starts until at least 3 yrs old and I would argue likely not until 4 do kids really have those behaviors too intentionally with some rare exceptions. If you're concerned about your child being behind in some way then I would say DC is a great place to be (though at 9 months there is not much to be behind on that is not just a simple developmental milestone).
So, as for the pros of DC:
1. Accountability & oversight. there are always multiple ppl involved with your LO every day, they have to adhere to a large number of rules & policies and there are directors/administrators to go to also. Though a nanny might provide 1-1 care, you only ever have her word/story to go by and she can do essentially whatever she wants during the day...
2. Socialization & development- this is a huge plus for me! Not so much at 9 months, though I also believe getting used to other adults is helpful & just being around other kids, seeing differnet things, trying new foods, doing things a little differently than they're done at home are all good things.
3. Learning- after the 1 yr old room when there is more of a formal curriculum in place, they can learn so much that many of us do not have the ability/interest/creativity/whatever to teach them and do with them. This goes for things like speech also--- when my kids moved to the 2 yr old room w/ kids who were 6 months older, it was amazing how quickly their speech moved along! They pick up words & expressions you'd rather not hear also
but it's all part of growing up, it would happen eventually somewhere!
4. Sickness- yes yes it is a problem but try to see it as a pro- the first year will be rough from a sickness standpoint for most, but unless your LO has an immune disorder or some sort of other condition where getting viruses & whatnot will be a serious risk, you're building up immunity so that hopefully when it is more important (school age), LO won't be missing as much school or whatnot.
5. Don't let the older generation or other ppl get to you--- my mom was quite horrified we were sending our twins to DC at 5 months. She realllllllllllly thought we should get a nanny. I was personally not comfortable w/ someone I didn't know well having 2 babies in my house all day and me not really knowing what was going on. I also was personally not that comfortable w/ having someone else in our house all the time and also was not comfortable w/ them driving 2 babies around but that is just me. When my mother came to visit & I took her to the DC to pick up the kids with me, she was very impressed that it looked & felt much different than she expected (some sterile environment with babies laying all over I guess). The 2nd time we picked them up together DS puked all over himself in the carseat as we were leaving. His teachers were so great, pulled him out, helping us clean him & clean the carseat, etc. Her whole attitude changed that day and she realized why we made the decision we did...she now tells everyone she knows how graet she thinks a good DC is and that it is not at all what many ppl (her age- 66) think of when they hear 'daycare'.
6. Not really what you're looking for but I think DC offers some flexibility for parents- if you're sick, have something to do that day, want to be at home for whatever reason, you have somewhere to take LO so you can get a day of rest, household chores, work from home, even come home a little early & start dinner uninterrupted, done.
GL! The transition might be hard for you in the beginning but if you find a place you like & you like the caregivers hopefully you can focus on the good stuff
My DD has been in daycare for three months now. We love it. She loves her teachers and interacting with other babies, and I love that she's with experienced people whose one job is to take care of babies. I don't know if you're better about this than I am, but I don't give her very much undivided attention when we're home together. Some, sure, but I also need to move the laundry, clean up lunch, call the grandparents, make a grocery list, etc. none of that is going on at DC.
One pro to DC for me that I haven't seen mentioned yet: we chose a center in part because the teachers have coworkers. If they're having a bad day, feeling overwhelmed, there are other teachers to lean on. That's not the case when she's home with me or DH.
Lastly, our infant room has babies 3mos to 12mos old in it. From what i've seen Socialization is limited to looking at each other and maybe making faces if they're on the older side. They don't have the concept of picking on other kids yet. My DD's relationships are with her teachers and the other babies are kind of incidental entertainment.
On my days off I feel bad for dd1 because she gets bored easily, even after doing crafts and puzzles she gets bored with out other toddlers to hang out with. Plus her speech therapist is amazed at how far she's come and I think a lot of it has to do with daycare. My dd2 is only 7 months old and has been at daycare since she was 4 months. I originally had nannies, but now that they have been in daycare I realize the nanny situation was more for my comfort, since she obviously came to the house, but also did dishes and laundry. Overall we save money, My food bill is lower, and while gas is higher my fee for both girls per day is less than what I paid my nanny for a full day for just one.
As far as being behind/ sickness those are general preemie concerns. DS was born at 31 weeks... So before his immune system developed. He's been basically sheltered as per doctors orders all winter because of rsv season. He doesn't seem behind and the doctors aren't worried but he may not crawl/walk at the same time as the kids in his class either. So that is my concern with being picked on. I know that's not the right word but I'm afraid he will feel left out at play time. But I guess maybe it will help him learn those skills too.
Now I'm on a mission to find the best daycare that will teach him and be truly beneficial for him. And then praying they have a space for him !
Thank you all again. I appreciate your time.
I'll just ditto what everyone else has already said. I think a great daycare is far superior to one-on-one care any day. My DD is happy, has tons of friends, loves her teachers (they are NOT strangers), and is learning much more than I could ever teach her.
I can't relate to wanting to stay at home with my child, but I love my career. You'll get over your fears eventually. It just takes time. I hope you'll come back with stories about how your LO is thriving as well.
At this age, I wouldn't worry about him feeling left out. In LO's class, there are 8 kids, 1 10 month old, 3 9 month olds, 1 7 month old, 2 6 month olds, and a 3 month old. Two of the 9 month olds and the 7 month old are mobile, the rest aren't. Babies develop at all sorts of different rates. I don't think the non-mobile 10 month old and 9 month old feel left out. They sorta play with each other while the 2 mobile 9 month olds play with each other.
Of course, there are some not so good days when she wants to be clingy at drop off, but those are fairly rare and I know she gets over it quickly.
I think we're a better and happier family because of day care.
This is so true. DH and I say all the time that we don't even know what she knows. There was one time I talking to my mom on the phone, and she said, "Does LO hold up one finger yet when you ask her how old she is?" And I was like, "No, LO doesn't know she's one." And as I said, "one," DD held up one finger.
I have a 1,000 stories like that. I didn't know she could count, that she knows her ABCs, that she could sing "rain, rain, go away." That's all daycare!
They tell ME when something is age appropriate and teach it to DD, from sippy cups to introducing potty training. It's awesome.
I totally get it! I was the same way- although I did wait until our daughter was 23 months before I put her in a pre-pre school setting place.
She only goes 2 times a week- it took her a long time to adjust- and me just as much too. I had anxiety about it- not going to lie. Now she really likes it and she does so much more there than I feel an in-home sitter can do for her. Plus our in home sitter was a friend of the family so I totally trusted her and a nursing student!
Also- I am in Phila too- and one of my neighbors just the other day- who has lived in the city her whole life- shes about 60+ yrs and has 3 grandchildren- said to me- "Hey where is your better half"? and I was like she is at school but I miss her and my neighbor said, "Thats where she should be- she's bored with you all the time." I was like okay- but she is right!
AND the other day I was getting breakfast ready and I heard my daughter count to 5 in Spanish- I was like WHAT!!!??? So the next day when I took her to school I asked the teachers if they have been practicing and they said yes, and it was just a proud mommy moment!! She is really learning a lot!!
Hi Phillygirl,
My kids were home with my mom when I went back to work and eventually went to DC b/c it was getting to be too much for her. My DS was 8 months when he started. He adjusted right away and was totally fine. He loves it there and has so much fun with the other babies. I didn't really think about him learning much at this age, but honestly it is really great. They teach the babies sign language and start introducing some spanish words too. My DD is 2.5 and she loves school, talks about her friends all the time, is learning so much, does art projects everyday, plays outside everyday. I can't say enough good things about DC. I too would stay at home in a heartbeat if I could afford to, but now I second guess whether I really would b/c I'd hate to take them out of school.
I'm also in the Philly area- Bucks county, so if you have any questions, feel free to message me.
I'm coming around though. I realized that you are all right and I cannot teach him everything he needs to know. We are also going to reevaluate in 3 months just to see if we are all happy with everything.
Thank you guys !!!!