July 2013 Moms
dreadiemama
member
Not BFing question
dreadiemama
member
I don't mean to sound like a douche, or judgey or whatever.... I'm just generally curious. Why would you choose not to BF? I don't mean having a medical condition but saying "Nope just not for me." ----- That sounds harsh but I couldn't figure out how to word it.
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Re: Not BFing question
A friend of mine has a history of sexual trauma and doesn't think she'll be able to handle BFing. She is in therapy and working through it, but if the time comes and she's not there yet, she won't do it.
I know that's one reason. I don't know about others.
Lol you aren't a douche! I wanted to BF more than anything but couldn't produce. My sister on the other hand had enough supply for 5 babies but it just wasn't for her she just didn't like the whole idea and didn't do it. She even told me that it's weird lol. I said ok thanks. I totally would have if I could've. Every pregnancy is different and maybe this time I will be able to.
I'm a first time expectant Mom, but I assume there are many reasons a woman might not choose to breastfeed. For example, if she has to go back to work quickly after the birth of the child. I know there are ways to make it work with pumping, but I would expect that is a major reason for some women. Also, I imagine if you have multiple other children at home, it could be hard to keep up with breastfeeding every two hours (especially if your baby takes a decent amount of time to feed,) looking after your other children, especially if your SO returns to work quickly after birth.
I personally try not to judge because every one has different circumstances and I do not know what their struggles are. How to feed your child is a very personal decision. I don't think it makes someone a bad mother to provide their child with formula. That said, at this point in time, I think the majority of women try to initiate breastfeeding save those for whom it is medically impossible.
I'm pretty sure I'm not going to breast feed. I just don't want to. I want my body back. I already love this baby more than anything, but once he is born my body needs to be mine again. I was a formula baby (My mom was very sick after I was born so it was a necessity) But I don't feel that I was shorted anything. I was and am a very healthy person.
Its something I've thought about long before I was even pregnant and for my husband and I it will be the best choice. I'm of course leaving the option open because maybe once he's born I'll feel differently but I just don't see that happening.
I could be wrong, but I don't think her stance was about losing weight. Women who are breastfeeding have to deal with hormones similarly to pregnant women. They also have to be very careful about what/how much they eat/drink in order to produce enough milk for the baby. I respect her choice as it's her body and her baby.
I'm not referring to losing weight. I just mean that pregnancy is a full body take over by this little baby and I'm ready to have my body be MINE again.
Um...no you don't. And I am not knocking anyone's choice, but diet in most cases is definitely not something that needs to be restricted. I know this because I have been nursing for 2.25 years.
So, let's at least give out accurate information.
Anyway, I can think of other reasons. It hurts. My sister tried with her first and simply hated it. She didn't want to deal with the bleeding nipples. You do feel tied to your baby 24/7 for the first several months. Cluster feeding is friggin' hard!! Mastitis and thrush are miserable things. Some people are uncomfortable NIP, so then they feel isolated having to stay home to nurse a baby all the time, or leave the room to nurse. Another reason...any time something is wrong doctors blame your milk and suggest formula. It's hard to not use formula when the doctor says to do so.
God forbid someone just not want to...because...I don't know...they don't want to. LOL!
I will say that I dealt with sore nipples, cluster feeding, 5-6 night wakings, thrush and two bouts of mastitis. And it IS worth it to me. I am pretty sure DD is done or very close to it. She didn't ask once today. After the first 6 months it became really enjoyable, an easy way to settle her down, an easy way to just take a break when I didn't want to read that story one more time...and I am sad today a little bit. Just a little sad I'm losing that very useful tool, that bonding time when she'd play with my hair and snuggle.
So, if you are on the fence, don't just consider those hard first few weeks/months. Sorry that turned into a novel.
I'll probably get flamed for saying this but I don't really understand when people don't even try. There's so much information on the benefits of breastfeeding, even if it's just for a little while. I would need a good reason not to try my hardest. There are of course good reasons, to start off with formula, such as needing to go back on certain medications.
I try not to judge but I admit I side eye people who say that breastfeeding seemed weird to them or they didn't want their boobs to sag, it just seems selfish to me.
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I didn't mean that she needed to watch what she eats as in diet, I meant she needs to be sure to consume enough calories because of the extra calories that nursing burns.
D 2.20.2011 & Z 7.16.2013
You said a woman has to be careful what she eats and drinks. That simply is not true. You eat when you are hungry, and drink when you are thirsty. Simple. Naturally you eat more when you follow your body's signals. It is frustrating when someone makes something seem more difficult than it is. There are so many real obstacles to BFing we don't need to manufacture them by saying someone has to be careful of what they eat-whether it be more or fewer calories. So, let's just stick to facts.
No need to jump down anyone's throat here. She was just trying to clarify what I meant by wanting my body back... and she was right.
And I do think that if you choose to breast feed you have to be more aware of what you put into your body than someone who is formula feeding, being that it will affect breast milk in some cases.
I never understand why people on either side get so defensive. Your body, your baby, your choice. My body, my baby, my choice.
I did and will FF for multiple reasons. I have tiny nipples and I would need to do a lot of work to them to help the baby latch and I don't have the desire to do that. I am on Wellbutrin and now my OB says that I can't be on that while breastfeeding (this has changed since I had DS), and I'm not willing to go off of it when I've been on it almost 10 years and know how well it works for my mental well-being. Finally, when I tried breastfeeding DS, I would get really weird feelings, like pangs of homesickness, and it really freaked me out and made me not like DS very well. I've since seen information about those feelings being called D-MER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex) which I think could be a reason why some women choose not to BF.
I did intend to BF DS, but for the above reasons, it didn't work well. I felt such guilt, but now that I've seen how none of the "side effects" of FF affected him, I don't feel the mommy guilt and I actually feel good about making the decision to FF this LO. I just wish it weren't so expensive!
I suppose I worded it wrong and perhaps what I've heard isn't correct. I'm not trying to argue with you.
By "watching" I meant consuming enough calories and drinking enough water. I very much know restricting your food/water is not good during pregnancy or nursing. I've heard an extra 500 calories per day for breast feeding, but I suppose that might not be correct. You probably have more knowledge on this than I do, but I've heard that if you don't keep your calorie intake up it might compromise how much milk you produce. Also, I was told by my doctor that I need to be drinking enough water right now to be using the bathroom at least once per hour. In my opinion, depending on your job, continuing this after giving birth could be an obstacle. I will not be working once baby comes, but I base this opinion on my previous job as a preschool teacher and knowing how difficult it would be to slip away that frequently.
I'm not trying to give the previous poster any misinformation or reasons not to breastfeed. It seemed to me that her decision has already been made. I was just trying to explain that while her decision might not be my own, I can respect it and see where she is coming from.
With DS-1 I tried to BF for a couple of weeks and it just didn't work out. I took all the help I was given, a lactation nurse and a good friend that BFing was second nature. I didn't seem to be producing too much milk and I couldn't get my DS to latch on. I also didn't have the support from my then H, so deciding to stop was a very tough decision that didn't come lightly.
With DS-2, I didn't try. My breasts were extremely sore throughout the pregnancy and it made me cringe with pain to think of my son latched on to my nipple. 2 weeks after DS was born he had a rare condition that may have made it impossible for me to have BF anyway. But my decision was made before this condition came about.
This time around I am going to try to BF. I don't know if it will workout, but I am going to try. This time around I have a wonderful husband that supports me and is willing to help out in any way he can to help make this time around a success.
Thank you so much for all the responses! I guess I'm odd that I think that FF seems like more work but after hearing responses I can see how it might not be for some people.
That's odd that doctors immediately go to that the issue is in BFing and suggest FFing. I didn't know that at all, even though I do have a friend that couldn't BF because her son had allergies and she didn't want to alter her diet to accommodate. She was the only person that I knew sans my aunt who FF her kids, but that might just because I live in a rural area. Not sure if that makes a difference but when my doctor found out I got pregnant he told me I should nurse till my kid is 2 or 3 O.o
I can definitely see it as a social thing. I remember my mom being really offended when my aunt FF her kids and would say that she "wasn't poor so she didn't need to subject herself to that."
Urgh @ the bleeding nipples comment. I feel like I am getting so much different information regarding that. My WIC person said that if it hurts then you have a latch problem, my sister said that nursing is a breeze after your uterus shrinks up but before that it completely sucks, but it sucks after you have a baby in general. My mom and my SIL said that nursing is super painful and worse than labor.
I agree that I don't think anyone has a right to judge since (hopefully!) every mom is doing what she thinks is best for her and her family. I know for myself FF hasn't even crossed my mind but that's mostly because I'm dirt poor, don't have a dishwasher, and have a horrible memory/am bipolar so I KNOW i would forget to buy formula or pack it in the diaper bag. At least with BF I wouldn't have to worry about that :-P
Urgh. That reminds me I wanted to post about what my sister calls "mommy wars." I don't know if thats a real term or if she made that up but its exactly what you just mentioned. That everything you do is being judged, that if you do xyz you are going to eff up your kids for life, but if you don't do xyz you are going to eff up your kids for life..... that everything is YOUR fault.
I find it interesting because I am nature over nurture type of person. Yes, I feel that my actions affect my child but I also feel like so much is predetermined and has nothing to do with me personally.
I had zero intent of BFing DS. For personal reasons the thought of BFing made me very uncomfortable but I found when my son was born my instincts took over and it was natural and something as a mother I enjoyed to help bond. I only could go 2 months though due to medical reasons.
I don't judge anyone who does or doesn't BF. I just envy all those mothers who can BF long term for financial reasons
. I hated having to buy formula (and DS has to have a special kind which sucked)
Yes to the latter. I side eye people who think its weird, or the thought makes them uncomfortable.
Another plus for me for BF was that my period didn't return till a year after DS was born. Awesome not to have to deal with that for a full year.
I don't. Ok, I side-eye the saggy boobs girls (and they're wrong! pregnancy does that to you if you're prone, anyway). But not those who feel uncomfortable.
My MIL is a midwife, and she says that once in a while someone comes in who feels really uncomfortable (not just a bit, but really) with the idea. Usually, they try anyway, but often, it makes them really depressed and they are very, very unhappy during feeding.
I think the baby would pick up on that. I think babies need milk, and they need it from a happy mother. If that's breast milk, all the better. But formula from a happy mom trumps breast from an unhappy mom.
(FTR, I'm not one of those moms and I'll go for it. But if it won't work, I'm out of here. Although those bottles seem like an awful lot of work.)
No one in my family BF. At the time they weren't touting the benefits. So, when my mom didn't produce milk with me, she didn't even try with the other two.
I tried with DD. It was very painful as DD didn't latch properly and my lactation consultant (small midwest town) was about as worthless as tits on a male dog. She didn't help me not one lick. I had no family support as no one did it. I gave up after 2 weeks and slipped into PPD due to feeling like I was slighting my daughter. PPD turned PPA and I was on meds for a long time (like 6 months). I wasn't the best mommy I could be. So, this time, I'll try, but I'm not going to beat myself up.
DD has no alergies, rarely gets sick, never had an ear infection, healthy weight healthy hight, happy, and full of energy. I'm also a healthy adult, so are my siblings. -- So maybe I won't put the stress on myself at all this time.
I don't judge those who do or don't and anyone who judges me for not doing it, yet doesn't want to be judged for doing it, lets say in public, is a hypocrite. To each their own I don't care how, when, where someone feeds their baby as long as their baby is fed.
Yes, okay...we all have different experiences. I am simply saying that to start out the BFing relationship putting lots of rules in place is just adding another barrier. That is all. Of course if you find your LO has issues with something you eat you'd make changes, but you don't immediately make changes just because you are BFing...do you see the difference?
I know a lot of women who BF and the majority have issues with sore nipples, latching, knowing how often to feed, etc. The majority do not have trouble producing milk because of what they eat. The human body unless severely undernourished or with some other medical issue tends to work pretty well at that.
That's all.
I'm pretty sure that 30/40 years ago, FF is what most people did and bf was what the poor people did. At least, that was the societal perception (not mine).
There's girl on my homeboard who is a police officer. She decided to FF, because she didn't feel like she would be able to get her body back to where it needed to be while BF. Another girl just never had any intention of doing it. Im not entirely sure why - she just didn't. Some other girls have had issues with production/latching/etc. One girl had breast cancer and can't breast feed. There are so many different reasons.
I am going to attempt to BF, but if my baby has allergies or trouble latching, I'm not going to get too worried. Plus, I plan on working, and I don't work in an environment that is very conducive to pumping. Because there are fewer than 50 employees, they don't have to legally provide things that other companies (over 50 employees) have to. If pumping is too hard, FF it is.
Baby boy 7.10.13
I think it is so interesting to read everyones responses because to be honest, before I got pregnant, I never really was around people who breastfed there children. Not until a few months ago when I was at a restaurant with a friend and she just started breastfeeding at the table (covered of course) and I felt very uncomfortable, not really understanding why she just didn't pump and bring a bottle, now of course since becoming pregnant, reading, talking to doctors, etc. I realize that there are many benefits to breast feeding and additionally that it isn't always easy to just pump and bring milk around with you because then you'd have to be pumping while out alot as well and I never knew about all of the clean up etc that is involved with pumping and FF. I also am not aware of the cost of formula because I hadn't really looked into it now that I am planning on breast feeding. The entire thing gives me anxiety because I want to be able to breast feed now that I hear all of the benefits but I'm nervous because I have a lot of friends who tried and apparently couldn't. I do know that i was a little judgy when someone told me prior to giving birth that they weren't going to try it because they felt they had done enough being pregnant and wanted their body back but certainly now after being pregnant i get it that by the end of nine months it isn't necessarily selfish to want some semblance of normalcy for your body back and want that control. So in other words, I now have learned not to be so judgy
I just hope that I can get up the courage to breast feed in public (covered of course) or to be okay with it if I am unable to breast feed because we all know that everyone is always judging and so I hope that I can just remind myself that I too once was the person not understanding and just to let it roll of my shoulders and not stress me out.
Anyway thanks everyone for sharing because I think what everyone said was helpful in me reaching this thought process
I agree with this 100%. I've heard stories from my mom about how people used to be shocked more than anything else to see her BFing in public. Rather than a "you should do that somewhere else" it was a "omg, why are you doing that? Don't you know you can give your baby formula now? You poor thing."
My MIL FF her two oldest and but for some reason decided to BF all the way through. She said that at the time "that's just what you did" and didn't really think about it. Plus up until the mid 90's I believe you were still able to be given a shot at birth that would dry up your production lickidy split.
I always find responses like this interesting. Not to shock anyone but I'm kind of a hippie.....
Maybe it's just because I've seen so many naked people just walk around at festivals without anyone batting an eye.... that the idea that the human body is inherently sexual is mind boggling to me. I know, logically, that I am in a very small miniority in this mindset. I read articles from women who are harassed for BFing in public, whether covered or not and I can't help but find it morbidly fascinating.
I'm struggling now with the idea of covering up while nursing in public. I live in a state that has so many laws protecting BFing mother, and is even liberal enough to have one stating that "anywhere that a man may be topless a women has that option also." Now whether or not this is actually practiced is a different story, lol.
My SIL offered to buy me an uddercover a few days ago because she had a coupon or something. I politely, or not politely, as polite as I get rejected the offer. It looks uncomfortable, and its another thing that I would need to lug around. Plus, IMHO then everyone is going to know that your BFing anyways so whats the point. I'm in this in between where I don't want to purposely offend anyone, like a rebellious teenager, yet I don't want feel forced to use a separate cover up (not talking about those tanktops that pull up or positioning a shirt in a certain way) because I feel that THAT is humiliating.
I find it morbidly interesting that the human body is sexualized so much in this country. Even a women breastfeeding is somehow skewed into something erotic, shameful, offensive or, if nothing else, an act that should take place behind closed doors.
I think you may need to do a little more research.
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I actually know several women who are currently on restrictive diets in order to BF their children. It may not be common in general, but it is common among those I know. Two are on the paleo diet. One cannot eat any gluten because her children are so sensitive. Another had to cut out all dairy because her baby had the worst eczema the doctor had ever seen and they did allergy testing on him and found out it was dairy and he is doing much better now. Most of them don't drink, one still does. So in my circle, it seems common to alter your diet. None of them would have it otherwise and happily make the sacrifices.
I intended to BF but even though I got engorged the milk would barely come out. I didn't get medical testing, but after quite a bit of research I believe it is because when I had surgery to remove a lot of scar tissue from my breast after my first set of implants 16 years ago, that they severed many of my milk ducts. I was making milk, but it was just getting engorged and then my milk supply went down to almost nothing. I pumped faithfully for 6 weeks and was only able to get about 2 oz a day. I started supplementing the first week because she was starving and inconsolable.
I will try again and pump as long as I can this time just to get whatever little amount I can get for my twins, but if I can't do it I will have no guilt. My daughter is extremely healthy, much moreso than my friends babies who are BF and constantly sick, ironically. My daughter has only had one minor cold in 14 months and has never had a fever.
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