- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Baby Showers
Help! Mother-in-law keeps inviting people to my baby shower
Ugh. My sister in laws and my best friend are throwing me a baby shower at my mom's house, which is beyond nice, especially since it's hard for me to let people do things for me because I always worry that I'm putting people out.
Once we finalized a date I reached out to my mother-in-law, who I have never gotten the warm and fuzzies from, to let her know about it and let her know that I would love for her to come and offered for her to invite a few of her friends, if she wanted.
She came back with a list of 15 people. That's a shower within itself. My own mother is only having 6 of her closest friends and it's being held at her house. I thought she'd come back with 5 people tops.
Now the shower is two weeks away and she just sent me a note to let me know that she's invited 3 more people and they need invitations sent to them. Is it just me or is that beyond presumptuous? Some of these women I've never even met. And I should also point out that for our wedding rehearsal dinner she had no problem telling me that anyone under 21 was not invited, even though she didn't specify this on the invitation, because she didn't think it would be appropriate. I'm from a huge family and many of my cousins, nieces and nephews that were coming in from out of town for the event fall into that category. So the burden was then placed on me during the final weeks leading up to the wedding to reach out to everyone that was making the effort and taking on the added expense to travel in for our wedding to let them know who could and couldn't attend. Then at the event she turned 3 of my guests away at the door because they weren't wearing sportcoats, only dress shirts, ties and dress slacks. The invitation called for business attire and it was 100 degrees outside.Ugh...
I really don't know what to do. The shower is already up to 30+ people and I feel like I'm already asking so much from my sister in laws. At the same time my husband has been so excited because his mom actually seems excited about the baby and he's hopefull that she will be more hands on with the baby than she was during his childhood, so I don't want to point out how awkward she's making things.
What would you do????
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help! Mother-in-law keeps inviting people to my baby shower
Sounds like she needs to be told "no" occasionally.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Yep, she needs to be told "no" she seems spoiled.
It's not my SIL's mom, it's my MIL. My SIL barely even knows the woman. That's where it's hard. I already had to let my SIL know that the 5 I thought she'd invite turned into 15. Now I have to reach out again and let her know 3 more are coming. We already had to make new invitations.
Part of the owness is definitely on me. I should have given her a solid number from the beginning instead of telling her a few. I was trying to be nice. Trying to make her feel apart of everything, but every time I try to be nice and try to get on her good side I feel like it comes back to bite me.
I agree I think she does need to be told no more often, but she's also one to hold grudges and has no problem putting my husband in the middle.
I just don't want to be dealing with this
Learn from this and know what to expect of her in the future. But I don't really get why her feelings are more important than your SILs.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Very true.
She exhausts me!
I definitely think you should tell her now that she cannot add any more. You really should have given her a definite number when you told her she could invite a few. Few means a different number for different people (although I agree...few=4 or 5).
As for the rehearsal dinner...I can really see her point there. My parents paid for my brother's rehearsal dinner and although they knew the kids in the wedding were invited (4 of them plus their parents) they did not know that their would be other people attending that were not even involved with the wedding...PLUS their kids! It actually doubled the cost! She might have had to turn people away at the door if the venue required business attire...which usually means a sport jacket. If the invite listed that then they knew and were just trying to get away with not complying. Unfortunately, some venues are extremely strict in that regard. Even if it is hot outside...once they are inside they could take their jacket off.
Good luck...make sure you talk to her before she invites any more. Wonder why she just didnt host her own shower if she had soooo many that she wanted to invite.
I would have been upfront with her when she sent me the list of 15 people. My MIL tried to do this with our wedding and we had to let her know that it was too many people. Its nice of her that she wants to invite her friends, but she should have hosted another shower for you on her dime if she wanted to invite that many people.
Edit: I would have your DH tell her so you are not in the middle of it. Let him deal with his side of the family.