Red Flag?

hatroopes · February 2013

So we were calling potential Daycare centers yesterday to try and set up appointments for when we could come see the place. The ladies at one of the places we called mentioned how we should try not to hold the baby "too much" because then they get used to you and those babies are usually very fussy at the daycare and don't want anyone else holding them. Not sure what her definition of "too much" is, but this really pissed me off and I kinda want to cancel the appointment. DH thinks I'm overreacting. What do you ladies think?

cheesecakerunner · February 2013

I'd bail on that one. If that's her attitude about you spending time with YOUR kid, what other boundaries might she cross.

JSS1002 · February 2013

I'm kinda of the belief that if a daycare provider sets you off in any way, before you've even met them, don't bother. It might be just me, but I would have a hard time "recovering" from a comment like that and giving them a fair shake.

when I was interviewing daycares, one of the centers we had an appt with canceled on us at the last minute. I was super frustrated and posted about it here, and everybody gave me kind of a hard time about it, saying that I should be glad that they were staying mindful of their childcare needs and not able to take a person away to give me a tour, etc . And that is really good advice, but for ME, the flip way she canceled and how last minute it was set me off and I knew that I wouldn't feel the same way about them.

Sure enough, when I went to finally meet with them, it took about 10 minuets for me to know that it wasn't the place for us.

So bottom line - trust your gut.

EIsieMae · February 2013

I'd pass on them also. Even if you go to the appointment and the place seems great, you'll still always wonder if they are just leaving your baby crying in a crib. At least that is the way my mind works.

jrs0906 · February 2013

Run. Fast.

What a strange thing for someone to tell you- and I would definitely worry about the quality (and quantity, apparently) of care they'd provide.

BrittBrittM · February 2013

oh hell no... i'd pass too...

nessahm · February 2013

Yup, that's a red flag.

rencontrezmoi · February 2013

You're not overreacting. And huge red flag.

MsAmeera25 · February 2013

One of the centers told me the same thing. This was also the same center that told me they pnly believe in tummytime no swings or holding them....ummm no thanks I passed.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

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ShellBear+ · February 2013

Um yeah huge red flag. Cancel that one.

Its amazing what some of these places say to parents. I went to one place and the lady was complaining to me about another parent that had given them such a hard time about everything. Totally turned me off.

hatroopes · February 2013

Thanks ladies. I'm bummed since this one came highly recommended, but her comment has been bothering me since yesterday. Definitely think we will pass on this one.

SparkleButtsMama · February 2013

Yep, definitely a red flag. I'd pass on this place.

principessa81 · February 2013

BIG red flag. IMHO, you can't spoil a newborn. Tony wanted to be held all.the.time, and it would break my heart if I thought that his needs weren't being met because a DC provider didn't want him to get "used to it." For the record, even though Tony wanted to be held all the time, it's not like he wouldn't let anyone besides Mama hold him. My H would take over as soon as he got home from work, my parents held him when they came to visit, our friends wanted to hold him when they would stop by, and Tony was fine as long as he was held by someone.

pinkiemo · February 2013

Yeah, run and don't look back. I can just imagine you putting your newborn down because, god forbid, he might get "used" to his MOTHER and therefore the daycare was worried he'd be more difficult FOR THEM.

So many things wrong with this I felt obligated to used both quotation marks and capitols.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · February 2013

Yeahhhhhh no.

Don't even bother.

ckhelsea · February 2013

hatroopes:
So we were calling potential Daycare centers yesterday to try and set up appointments for when we could come see the place. The ladies at one of the places we called mentioned how we should try not to hold the baby "too much" because then they get used to you and those babies are usually very fussy at the daycare and don't want anyone else holding them. Not sure what her definition of "too much" is, but this really pissed me off and I kinda want to cancel the appointment. DH thinks I'm overreacting. What do you ladies think?

Having worked in daycares and at a church nursery, the main issue with this mentality is that we cannot give one-on-one care to each child at each moment throughout the day. If they do not know how to self-soothe, they will be fussier and/or cry quite often. My personal idea for our baby (FTM here) is that we will not be holding her ALL the time, but will also assist her in learning how to self-soothe. I don't work well with children that can't, anyway..I always blame the parents and get fustrated and upset with the child (RIDICULOUS I know). Enabling the child to learn how to self-soothe helps them in an environment in which they can't get personalized attention all the time. I understand not wanting others to push in on your ideas about how you'll raise your kid -- I am the same way! I just want to make sure that in the even that my child will attend a daycare, that she is ready for all that it entails for a smoother transition from SAH to daycare.

rbmkrb · February 2013

Cancel for sure!

AshleyR2452 · February 2013

While the attitude is not quite right there (or how she phrased it), she does have a bit of a point. There are a surprising number of FTM's around here (that we go to the same daycare as), that do indeed hold their babies TOO much. One mom did not let her son sleep in a bassinet, crib, co-sleeper, anything until he was 6 months old, at which point, he of course didn't want to. She literally held him non-stop while on maternity leave, and he slept on her chest constantly. Not because he was super fussy, just because she was afraid there would come a time that he wouldn't need her. So, when it came time for her DS to go to daycare, he had an extremely hard time adjusting, and was extremely fussy. He was used to being held 24/7, and at daycare, no matter how much attention they give, that extent just isn't going to happen. He didn't nap, he had a rough time eating, and overall, it was tough on everyone. The mom finally realized how bad it was a month or so in to daycare and it was a very tough transition at home and daycare to help everyone get evened out and finally get some sleep.

pinkiemo · February 2013

Babies can't self soothe until at least 4 months. So up until then you really can't hold a baby TOO much. After that it's really each mom's prerogative as to how she wants to handle it. But no matter how old my kid is I still wouldn't appreciate a daycare I'm just visiting telling me how to raise, discipline or otherwise take care of my child.

bumpuser5078523 · February 2013

ckhelsea:
hatroopes:
So we were calling potential Daycare centers yesterday to try and set up appointments for when we could come see the place. The ladies at one of the places we called mentioned how we should try not to hold the baby "too much" because then they get used to you and those babies are usually very fussy at the daycare and don't want anyone else holding them. Not sure what her definition of "too much" is, but this really pissed me off and I kinda want to cancel the appointment. DH thinks I'm overreacting. What do you ladies think? 
Having worked in daycares and at a church nursery, the main issue with this mentality is that we cannot give one-on-one care to each child at each moment throughout the day. If they do not know how to self-soothe, they will be fussier and/or cry quite often. My personal idea for our baby (FTM here) is that we will not be holding her ALL the time, but will also assist her in learning how to self-soothe. I don't work well with children that can't, anyway..I always blame the parents and get fustrated and upset with the child (RIDICULOUS I know). Enabling the child to learn how to self-soothe helps them in an environment in which they can't get personalized attention all the time. I understand not wanting others to push in on your ideas about how you'll raise your kid -- I am the same way! I just want to make sure that in the even that my child will attend a daycare, that she is ready for all that it entails for a smoother transition from SAH to daycare.

This. I think her comment wasnt appropriate, but it is unrealistic for your baby to be packed all day when there are other kids that want attention and snuggling too.

ckhelsea · March 2013

AshleyR2452:
While the attitude is not quite right there (or how she phrased it), she does have a bit of a point. There are a surprising number of FTM's around here (that we go to the same daycare as), that do indeed hold their babies TOO much. One mom did not let her son sleep in a bassinet, crib, co-sleeper, anything until he was 6 months old, at which point, he of course didn't want to. She literally held him non-stop while on maternity leave, and he slept on her chest constantly. Not because he was super fussy, just because she was afraid there would come a time that he wouldn't need her. So, when it came time for her DS to go to daycare, he had an extremely hard time adjusting, and was extremely fussy. He was used to being held 24/7, and at daycare, no matter how much attention they give, that extent just isn't going to happen. He didn't nap, he had a rough time eating, and overall, it was tough on everyone. The mom finally realized how bad it was a month or so in to daycare and it was a very tough transition at home and daycare to help everyone get evened out and finally get some sleep.

A child I used to nanny for was like this.. I hate to use this term, but I broke her of that habit as fast as I could. She entered daycare at the same time I began to nany for her twice a week, and had problems transitioning, especially because mom was too afraid to try having her sleep on her own at naptime on the weekends. I think by month two she was good to go! Her father started putting her down for naps like I did, and a little bit later mom participates as well, and as far as I've heard things are good

ckhelsea · March 2013

pinkiemo:
Babies can't self soothe until at least 4 months. So up until then you really can't hold a baby TOO much. After that it's really each mom's prerogative as to how she wants to handle it. But no matter how old my kid is I still wouldn't appreciate a daycare I'm just visiting telling me how to raise, discipline or otherwise take care of my child.

Completely understandable and agreed. That's why I'm flumoxed as to why the provider mentioned that at all.

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