Need advice

neawacker · February 2013

Me and my boyfriend have an age difference i am 19 and he is 24 we have been together for a year and a half we got pregnant early on in the relationship....our son is 6 months march 19th and all my 24 year old bf wants to do is play video games instead of helping me with our son and the fact that his mother won't tell him he needs to get off the games and spend time with us is very frustrating we live in his parents house his mom sometimes won't take my son if I leave my sons bouncer ortoys in the living room i pay rent and i am the reason they have food in the house but yet his younger brother has a two year old and when he leaves her stuff laying around and doesn't help around the house or pay rent and has even made his mother cry but she doesn't say a word and will take care of the other grandchild for days at a time even with her having a bad back I think she favors her granddaughter over my son because she had all Boys and really wanted to have a girl I get very aggravated at times I just don't know what to do anymore

CnAnA · February 2013

Punctuation is a good place to start.

neawacker · February 2013

Tanks but I didn't post this to be bashed on I already get that enough from my boyfriend

carrotsoup70 · February 2013

itsreallyhardtoreadpostswhenthereisntanypunctuationandifyouexpectpeopletobeabletohelpyouthenyouneedtoatleasthelpusoutalittleandusesomepunctuationwecantgiveadviceifwecantmakeitthroughyourpostthanks

CnAnA · February 2013

neawacker:
Tanks but I didn't post this to be bashed on I already get that enough from my boyfriend

Spelling is step two.

candaceleigh21 · March 2013

Ok, you had the child, therefore, that child is your or your boyfriends responsibility ONLY. It does not matter that his mother will not watch your child. So if I am reading this correctly, his mother has 2 sons and both of them live with her with their kids and girlfriends?? Holy wow. Ok, you seriously need to either tell him to man up or decide that you are done and move out with that baby. There is no reason to raise that child around that kind of hostility.

Maebb · March 2013

candaceleigh21:
Ok, you had the child, therefore, that child is your or your boyfriends responsibility ONLY. It does not matter that his mother will not watch your child. So if I am reading this correctly, his mother has 2 sons and both of them live with her with their kids and girlfriends?? Holy wow. Ok, you seriously need to either tell him to man up or decide that you are done and move out with that baby. There is no reason to raise that child around that kind of hostility.

I agree totally with all of this. If you really want advice, I'm going to be honest. It sounds like your boyfriend is not the best for you or your baby. Out of love and respect for you and your son, he should put down the video games and help. I know it might be hard to leave him, especially financially since you live with his mother, but I would work toward finding other options, moving out, and breaking up with him as soon as possible. If he doesn't help with LO and bashes you, he's probably not the right guy.

AJKayakMomma · March 2013

I got married at 19 and DH was 22. Your ages in this situation does not matter. You are both adults not kids. Your BF is 24, his mother shouldn't be expected to tell him what to do nor should he be living with his mother. His mom won't watch YOUR kid, get a baby sitter like adults do.

kross605 · March 2013

Like others have said, your baby is yours not your boyfriend's mother's so your expectations for her support and involvement should be ZERO. Bonus if she helps but its not her responsibility. If her behavior is making your life miserable then make it your focus to move out so you dont have to deal with it anymore. Dont be rash. Plan it out, save the money, make a solid choice on a new place so you dont have to unsettle yourself and your baby over and over again.

Id first and foremost talk to your boyfriend about his behavior. Dont yell, talk. Tell him your expectations for his level of help and involvement clearly. Most men do not pick up on subtleties. Tell him your expectations for financial contributions. Tell him that you expect him to start participating or start planning to pay child support. Then give him a chance to step up and be fully prepared to leave if he doesnt.

Being an independent single parent, in control of your child's future, upbringing and influences is far better than having a useless and inconsiderate partner who creates more work and more drama for you.

Dont be one of those wackadoos on Teen Mom who thinks that staying with a deadbeat and working yourself to death to support your family AND your deadbeat is worth it to keep the famly together. If your boyfriend doesnt show consideration and concern and interest in you and his child, he's not family, hes a sperm donor.

That being said, some men, no matter what age, are immature and shirk parental responsibilities. If hes seen his brother doing it for 2 years with his kid, he might think thats normal and acceptable behavior. But, he may not be hopeless. Lay it out clearly and give him a chance before you move on. But dont stick around and whine about your situation...do something to make it better.

hubka · March 2013

Sounds like you have your hands full! Not knowing exactly what the situation is, all I can say is that I hope things improve.

Had your boyfriend's mother offered to help out with your son? Or was this assumed because you live there? Not to be a jerk, but from her perspective, she has her two kids -- plus one of their girlfriends and also grand kids staying there. Sounds like alot going on...

The way I see it, there are two main issues: 1 - your boyfriend sitting around and 2 - the current living situation doesn't seem to be working.

I get that you're frustrated, but at the end of the day, this is between you and your boyfriend to make it work in the best way possible for your son -- this isn't his mother's responsibility. I don't know why she'd be ok taking care of one of the grand kids, but not the other -- but regardless, it's her prerogative and her house.

He's 24 years old... and now with a baby. Perhaps its time for him to get his act together and start trying to contribute. But beyond that, you need to think about what is best for your son - and for you. Does your boyfriend want to be involved? Are you planning to become committed? If not, perhaps it's time to consider alternatives.

neawacker · March 2013

Autocorrect did that and there is a reason I didn't use punctuation I have global delay a learning disabily that makes it hard for me to memorize things that I have learned know matter how much I try to relearn it i though people on this site where mature so grow up an stop being a bully

neawacker · March 2013

Just a little bit and Yes his mother said she would help me out with my son Because I have anxiety, stress and anger problems from some stuff that I went through when I was younger just his younger brother lives here as well not the gf and daughter th gf drops off his lil girl so he can spend time with her but he just hands her off to his mom

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