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Blended Families
Littlejen22
member
I really hoped we would all be in better places
Littlejen22
member
There are a few of us that have been here for an embarrassingly long time and I feel like in so many ways our BF stories have not improved. Of course a ton has improved and we have all grown and have great things that have happened in our lives but I really hoped all of our SKs would mature when they grew up.
DH just texted me, without all the details I feel like I am back to where we were four years ago.
DH just texted me, without all the details I feel like I am back to where we were four years ago.
Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies
Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I really hoped we would all be in better places
Sorry to hear that. It does seem to go in phases, at least what I've experienced so far. You have a quiet lull period, then all hell breaks loose. I don't think it is ever going to end and my SKs are young. I think the battles just change. I'll be here for a long, long time to come. Even during lull periods I lurk because I know the teenage years are going to be the hardest. Fighting BM and possibly the kids themselves (they are perfect little ones right now- loving and sweet. I dread the teen changes).
I need all the help I can get, and this resource is the most true to life than any book I've read.
I think it's the nature of the beast...there's a parenting relationship that step-parents are secondary to, no matter how involved you are as a step parent, if both bio parents are in the picture at some point the step parent gets information second-hand, is not involved in the primary conversations, etc.
SO much of step-parenting is REALLY marriage counseling.....handling things as a team, being very careful to understand the needs of your partner AND the children. Throw actual children into the mix aaaand....chaos.
I think as a result, there are so many times, too many times, where step parents are the odd man out - or at least FEEL that way, which if that is how you feel, IMO that is what IS.
I hear ya!
We've been at this too long. Heck I remember when your SD lived with you and you were trying to catch her smoking. On the Family Matters board on the Nest before we became StepParenting on the nest then the Bump was created, and THEN we became blended families.
I remember before your Babies were born.
I say this all in the least creepy stalkerish way.
You, Me, J&A, +just J+, Hindsight (when she graces us w/ her presence), Wendi...and all the other old heads.
I actually miss when the TIP ladies would storm our board b/c we were being a little to gentle w/ a newbie's internet feelings.
And it's also been a 2 steps foward, lulled into a serene calm, and then the rug gets pulled out again for me too.
I gave up hoping SD would mature and grow up. Maybe it's easier now because I don't have to really deal with her now and maybe not ever again, but I have to just accept her for who she is and deal accordingly. She is who she is.
I personally think I've come a long way myself. Maybe that's not what everyone else believes, but I know I still have lots to learn, but I'm very different from who I was 5-6 years ago.
If it weren't for this board, I don't know if I would have changed as much as I have.
And maybe it's not about change, but about the support to get thru the crazy-ass part of our lives in Blended Families.
And J, I am free you have come a long way, I honestly think we all have. And I see SD about four or five times a year mostly between November and December and maybe one other time a year and except for the annoying smoke smell lol for Sweetie it really is totally normal when we see her and no drama. She brings do drama at all to our lives. I just find it sad that things seemed to be looking up for her and it is all fake. And DH was upset today because he heard a bunch of things from her landlord's realtor. We were not at all involved in her getting the apartment but SD insists on putting DH as either a reference or next of kin! I am supposed to have breakfast with her this weekend but I am sure she will cancel. And honestly if I see her it will be superficial talk and everything will be perfect haha.
Wendi's post just made me almost sad that these kids have no changed after all our hard effort and all these years.
But honestly, though, I would imagine that a lot of parents, step or not, say or feel this about their children.
I think the new of us with the older SKs had very different situations because you and DH are doing do much for SD at a young age. My SD was 21 when I met her and 12 1/2 when she came to live with us. Looking back there where signs of trouble from the beginning that I ignored and stuff we could have done different but she was a compulsive liar from when I met her. I was not involved in the beginning and I hope for you that is the big difference.
Unfortunately there's a third party in all of our lives that we have no control over. We can't change them, we can't control them. All we can do is change how we react to them. We're only responsible for our own actions.
But yea, it blows.
This is what I am thinking also. We pour our heart and souls into parenting, but we cannot control the other parents in the situation.