Vent: Anyone else?

orangegoggles · February 2013

I feel like I am the only one capable of taking care of DS. My H is helpless and I want to scream how the heck do u not know xyz by now? He asks me all the time where we keep things for LO, can never get him to sleep or soothed, etc.

I am normally a calm person but it's really getting under my skin at this point. I knew this would be the case somewhat as he works lots of hours but I can't believe he doesn't have any basic skills at this point. Even with playing with him he's done in 5 minutes and not sure what to do next. Any advice or any other vents u want to get out there?

Sonadora · February 2013

Pump some milk if you are nursing (otherwise, no worries, he can read formula directions) and go out for a couple of hours. Leave H with the baby. He has to figure it out himself.

I needed new undies that didn't cut into my tear about two weeks after being home from the hospital. I was going to be gone 30 minutes, max as I was running to the TJ Maxx that is literally 1.5 miles from my house. I nursed B before I left. I was not even in the parking lot of the store before he was calling me, B was screaming, he was telling me she needed to eat, it was AWFUL. I came home, calmed her down (she clearly was not hungry less than 5 minutes after I had just fed her and even at 2 weeks old they aren't eating every 10 minutes...) and then I read him the riot act. He had no idea how to soothe her, etc. I told him that I didn't sign up to do this myself, I was not going to be housebound and tied to her for the duration of her infancy, and asking for 30 minutes to myself was not asking too much.

So after that, I made a point to hand her over on the weekends (H is out of the house 7-7:30 on weekdays) as often as I could and I would even go just take a 40 minute nap. He learned fast what worked for him to soothe her, that bundling her up and taking her outside was a surefire way to get her to calm down, that she likes to be in the sling, and actually, she started to prefer to be soothed by him.

I definitely feel you on the H who works a lot. It definitely contributed to him not feeling so comfortable with her or knowing what to do, but to me, it was like, well at this point I'm home with her all day all week long alone and I am the only one up all night sicne I'm nursing, so you need to figure it out so I can keep my sanity by having you actually help when you are available.

Sonadora · February 2013

Also, I wanted to add that it got infinitely better once she was more interactive. I think the pet rock stage is a little hard for some people (me included!) because you put in so much effort and you get a blank stare in return. Or you get screamed at. Or pooped on.

orangegoggles · February 2013

Sonadora:
Pump some milk if you are nursing (otherwise, no worries, he can read formula directions) and go out for a couple of hours. Leave H with the baby. He has to figure it out himself.

I needed new undies that didn't cut into my tear about two weeks after being home from the hospital. I was going to be gone 30 minutes, max as I was running to the TJ Maxx that is literally 1.5 miles from my house. I nursed B before I left. I was not even in the parking lot of the store before he was calling me, B was screaming, he was telling me she needed to eat, it was AWFUL. I came home, calmed her down (she clearly was not hungry less than 5 minutes after I had just fed her and even at 2 weeks old they aren't eating every 10 minutes...) and then I read him the riot act. He had no idea how to soothe her, etc. I told him that I didn't sign up to do this myself, I was not going to be housebound and tied to her for the duration of her infancy, and asking for 30 minutes to myself was not asking too much.

So after that, I made a point to hand her over on the weekends (H is out of the house 7-7:30 on weekdays) as often as I could and I would even go just take a 40 minute nap. He learned fast what worked for him to soothe her, that bundling her up and taking her outside was a surefire way to get her to calm down, that she likes to be in the sling, and actually, she started to prefer to be soothed by him.

I definitely feel you on the H who works a lot. It definitely contributed to him not feeling so comfortable with her or knowing what to do, but to me, it was like, well at this point I'm home with her all day all week long alone and I am the only one up all night sicne I'm nursing, so you need to figure it out so I can keep my sanity by having you actually help when you are available.

Thanks for the advice. I do try to leave DS with him but I guess I just thought it would have gotten better by now? I'll give it some more time and hope as he gets older it will become easier.

martinimomma · February 2013

Sonadora:
Also, I wanted to add that it got infinitely better once she was more interactive. I think the pet rock stage is a little hard for some people me included! because you put in so much effort and you get a blank stare in return. Or you get screamed at. Or pooped on.

All of this and the prior post too. [[hugs]] it will get better with practice!

carrotsoup70 · February 2013

When my DH asks me where things are I respond with 'I don't know'. He can open a drawer or a door and try to find it himself. I started doing this when he would ask me the same questions over and over and over again. He doesn't do that anymore.

DH just started to figure out how to play with LO...and he turned 5 months old yesterday. There is a learning curve there but the more interactive baby gets, the easier it is to entertain them for more than 5 minutes.

charmedgrl517 · March 2013

DH has a hard time with putting her to bed without me. He expects it to go perfect all the time and when it doesn't he panics and has an anxiety attack! I feel bad but then it also frustrates me cause I can't be the only one putting her to bed all the time!!!!! HUGS I hope things get easier as your DS gets older.

orangegoggles · March 2013

Thanks everyone for the advice. I have been sick for a few days (found out today it was mastitis) but it was really obvious how much he doesn't know because he's had to take over more. I'll keep working with him and giving him opportunities alone with DS.

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