Anyone know??

jennipalmer · February 2013

I have joint custody and I follow all the rules inform my ex when I take kids to the doc even sending a text when I took DD to ER. I ask them about doing certain things together etc. Well ex had repeatedly broken court order taking kids to doctor without informing. Lying about me to the doctor. Having my daughter lie to my why she was late to school on his day and taking kids out of school for these appointments. Just to name a few of the things he has done many more. I contacted my lawyer and many others and they told me I should write a letter. I am currently a SAHM but previously worked in medical. What I know about law is just what I have absorbed over the last few years and I just feel so lost and helpless. My ex's wife is paralegal and I am afraid if I write something incorrectly I will make things worse. I have hired a paralegal to write letter for me. But my question is how many times can my ex just do whatever he want before I can take in front of judge and ask for primary instead of joint.

SimpleJane · February 2013

Write a letter to whom? Why is your lawyer not writing this letter? Or filing contempt? You need to file contempt.

jennipalmer · February 2013

He wants me to write letter to ex to tell him he is breaking court order. I asked why we cant file contempt he said judge doesn't like parents to just keep coming in front of them

DaringMiss · February 2013

What does the CO say about sharing medical information?

What doctor is he taking the child to? Can you get information directly from that doctor? If you meet resistance, try bringing the child's birth certificate and your CO with you. You are the child's parent, they cannot refuse you the information you are legally entitled to.

bratty44 · February 2013

If he is breaking the CO, you can go and file contempt charges now. No need to notify your ex that he's breaking the court order, he most likely knows and doesn't care. People file contempt charges all the time. I wish you luck but not likely judge will take away joint custody for that.

SimpleJane · February 2013

jennipalmer:
He wants me to write letter to ex to tell him he is breaking court order. I asked why we cant file contempt he said judge doesn't like parents to just keep coming in front of them

Most likely because that proves you have tried to work with him, and have notified him of the issue. If he breaks the CO after that it further proves your case and would look better to a judge since you tried to work with him before bringing him to court.

lb1212 · February 2013

I would definitely find out why he's taking the kids to the doctor and hiding it from you. Is he just being a jacka$$ or is he trying to prove he's a better parent?

Unless he's paying 100% out of pocket, there'll be a charge to the insurance. Find out the doctor's name and, like PP suggested, bring a copy of birth certificate and CO and demand to see the records.

Also, if you can afford the paralegal to write the letter, then definitely do that. Better safe than sorry. If not, you could always copy the CO and highlight the part on medical care and simply write, "Per CO, please inform me of all medical care."

IfMamaAintHappy · February 2013

Don't worry about the fact that your ex's wife is a paralegal. Write a letter to document what he is doing, what you have first hand knowledge of, and how that breaks the CO. Get copies of the medical records. Most doctor's will note in the chart who accompanied the child on the visit. Clearly state in the letter it is your desire to follow the CO and do what is in the best interest of your child and that you ask him to please respect and follow the CO as you do for him. When he continues to do what he's doing, call your lawyer back and tell him you want to take action. Writing a letter is a good interim step, but it's not going to solve the problem.

jennipalmer · February 2013

Yes he is trying to prove he is better parent or something like that. My DD has had major skin issues since Christmas we know it is because while sleding she was scraped by a bush of some sort. She must have been very allergic to it because the reaction was very bad. Per doctors report he told doctor she get rash at my house and I have 20 animals. He had blood test to see if she is allergic to my ONE bird and then later told me she is allergic to birds and can not clean cage.

Of course if my DD was I would get rid of bird however, according to blood test she is allergic to a parakeet I have a parrot which blood test says negative. So yes I am having the paralegal write note and keeping tabs. My insurance is secondary but I get the EOB's

Hudson_Hawk · March 2013

Haven't you posted about this here or on Starting Over before? Why haven't you followed the very sound advice you've recieved in the past? You're running around in circles on the web asking for guidance when you could be doing something to fix the problem. Read your custody order, make a copy, highlight the pertinent areas and send it to your ex (registered mail) with a letter stating that he must include you in medical discussions, etc. You don't need a paralegal to do this for you. Send a copy of the letter to your attorney as well to keep on file. YOU need to do the legwork here. You can also let the doctor's office know that you want to be notified anytime he brings your kids to the doctor. If you have joint legal custody then you have a right to be involved. If you don't have legal custody then you need to accept that this is information that he legally doesn't have to give you.

FutureMrsWittig · March 2013

SimpleJane:
jennipalmer:
He wants me to write letter to ex to tell him he is breaking court order. I asked why we cant file contempt he said judge doesn't like parents to just keep coming in front of them
Most likely because that proves you have tried to work with him, and have notified him of the issue. If he breaks the CO after that it further proves your case and would look better to a judge since you tried to work with him before bringing him to court.

Agreed. Show that you tried to give it a chance. A simple "Our CO states that we must notify each other in the event of any doctor's visit, and that we agree not to alienate one another to our child. Please notify me before every appointment and within 12 hours of any emergency visit. If (s)he continues to be seen without my knowledge I will file contempt charges for violation of our court order." It doesn't need to be in legalese. Straightforward, polite, but firm. Send it certified and keep the receipt showing he got it.

If your ex is anything like I expect, he'll drag your child off the doctor without notifying you ASAP, just to prove he can. When he does, file contempt immdiately. If your lawyer STILL won't do it, he's not a good lawyer. Find someone else.

jennipalmer · March 2013

Letter has been sent off already but just very frustrating because it seems like nothing can ever be done. It seems like either party can do things against court orders and then the get letter to stop. Even if they go in front of the judge he just tells the person to stop and it cost another $2500 with lawyer. I was wondering if going in front of the judge will every make a difference but just seems like it doesn't. I think now I am writing the letter just as a way to protect myself and I feel defeated.

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