I'm not surprised that most people don't agree with "making" your child do something, but that's how DH and I were raised and we're not scarred. Music is a big part of my family and everyone plays an instrument and some play multiple instruments.
When I was younger, I wanted to quit and my mother didn't let me and made me pratice and I'm so glad she did. I could go on and on about the advantages my musical abilities have given my brothers and I.
I guess I just don't think kids should be making decisions on how their lives are shaped. I'm the parent and I will guide you and when the child is 18 or out of the house, then they can make their own decisions. I had a happy childhood, but my parents, especially my mother was the ruler.
Your kids will hate you. Especially if they happen to be tone deaf or can't read sheet music to save their ass.
There's making them stick with what they asked to do and then there's being a and forcing them to do something they have no interest in and never wanted to do. Sounds like you will be in the latter category.
How exactly are your musical abilities helping you now? Do you work in music? Because my years of choir aren't doing shiit for me.
I would hope that my kids won't hate me because I love my parents deeply and I had a close and loving relationship with my parents growing up. I had to lol to what if my child was tone deaf. I'm sorry but if that happens then what can I do but I don't believe at all that that would happen and learning to read sheet music comes with the territory.
How do my musical abilities help now? Well, let me start with I have heard that music helps with academics and I did well. I went to college on a music scholarship. I was able to travel the world playing in different orchestras, so that was pretty cool and also I feel my child will always have a job even if their college degree isn't as lucrative as they would like.
I taught music lessons in college and after and music lessons are not cheap so I made a nice living at a young age just doing that. I now use my degree and I'm in health care. Both of my brothers have masters in non musical careers and they don't even use their degrees. The play for churches and funeral parlors. One would be surprised at what churches pay just to play once a week and choir practice once a week.
Lastly, our faith has a lot to do with it. It's traidition that the "Smith" family plays piano or organ for churches. We all have played for our church at some time in our lives.
It's one thing to encourage your kids to try music and stick with it, but I'd feel like such a failure if I didn't live up to you expectations.
I had to take piano lessons. I liked it all right but I would have liked to do horseback riding lessons instead. Is that wrong? What if your kid wants to paint instead?
I know this is for an older kid... but I won't let my son have a girl sleep over in his bed under my roof until he is married (or at least seriously committed). H's mom let him have girlfriends sleep over at like 15 and his sister had plenty of boys sleep over. I think it is appalling.
Yah, I would never allow that to happen. And I would never allow my child to sleep at a member of the opposite sex's house either. My parents never did and even when I was engaged, my husband had to sleep on the couch and I agree with that.
Yeah, we were in our mid 20's and 30's when we got married. Fuvck that rule.
At some point you do have to cut the cord. Fine when they are in high school, but you are naive if you think you have any control after that point. Or did you marry when you were 18?
I was 26 when I got married and it has nothing to do with needing to cut the cord...when my kids are in my home, they will not be screwing their significant other under my roof. It didn't bother me that my parents had this rule and they "knew" stuff was going on outside their house, but in their house, I respected the rules and didn't argue. I know many parents that feel that way and have had a few boyfriends in the past with the same rules in their parents' houses.
This is hypocritical. Premarital sex is either wrong or not. Not just under your own roof.
I disagree...my parents had no control over what I did with my life outside of their house once I was 18 and not living at home full time, but they cannbsp;decide what they think is appropriate inside their house and I feel the same way. So basically, in my house, my kids will not be having coed sleepovers and will not be attending them either. Period. [/
So you won't let a fianc sleep over? Are you not against premarital sex? If you are not against it out of your house, what is different in your house.
I took ballet classes and wanted to take tap also and my mom said no. I survived. I don't come from a household that the child tells the parent what to do and I was fine with that. My mom choose my HS and even choose my college and I didn't care. I'm married now and I make my own decisions now and I'm very grateful for my parent's guidance. I probaly will be a little looser with my kids and listen to how they feel but not how I see a lot parents letting the kid run the show.
I'm sure most here don't agree, but hey, I have no kids yet, so who knows?
Did she choose your major and your spouse too? Nothing like making all the decisions for your child and not allowing them to learn to make their own decisions at all. Allowing your child to learn to fend for themselves prior to age 25 is ok, and encouraged. It's the sign of a good parent. I never thought of telling my parents what to do, but I was sure as hell capable of choosing my own college. WTF. Seriously.
Your mom has some control issues. How pathetic that she wouldn't let you take a class you wanted. Was it a money or schedule issue? I could see that. Given everything else you have said, sounds like mommy was trying to live through you and that wasn't her vision.
Don't do that to your kids.
Ha! She didn't choose my major or my spouse and it wasn't that I couldn't choose my college, it's that she "suggested" and I was like whatever because I didn't care. Maybe when I think back on it, I knew I was going to a Christian college and didn't really know of any that I had a preference over so I went with it.
As far as not being able to take tap, at the time I didn't know why and money wasn't the problem. Don't anyone pass out now but tap to her was a form of dance that she didn't feel christian girls should be doing. I didn't stick with ballet so it didn't bother me.
I didn't feel like I couldn't make decisions for myself or I missed out on stuff. My parents where nervous but I went away to college and I made decisions for myself from then on. If my parents didn't guide me like they did from birth to about 16-18, I wouldn't be who I am today or have things that I have.
This one will probably get flamed ..... but my daughter has no choice but to go to college. She can choose the college, the major, etc., but she has to go. I think she will appreciate the education and the college experience. I know I did (I wasn't given the choice either). I will do what my parents did for me .... I'll pay for her BA, but subsequent degrees are on her.
My husband and I agree with this one...I guess I was kind of "made" to go to college in that my parents instilled this in me from when I was young and basically I went to college and they supported me or I got a job and supported myself.
That is a terrible stance and part of the reason why college degrees don't mean anything these days.
Haha! Do you and Nicole Mac have anything to say in response to the actual question of the original post about your OWN future parenting? As much as you may disagree with what I have said and what the other women have said about their future "no no's", your judgment is not going to change how I feel and I doubt it will change anyone else's thoughts either. So again...you raise your kids how you want to, and the rest of us will raise ours as we see fit as well.
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I took ballet classes and wanted to take tap also and my mom said no. I survived. I don't come from a household that the child tells the parent what to do and I was fine with that. My mom choose my HS and even choose my college and I didn't care. I'm married now and I make my own decisions now and I'm very grateful for my parent's guidance. I probaly will be a little looser with my kids and listen to how they feel but not how I see a lot parents letting the kid run the show.
I'm sure most here don't agree, but hey, I have no kids yet, so who knows?
Did she choose your major and your spouse too? Nothing like making all the decisions for your child and not allowing them to learn to make their own decisions at all. Allowing your child to learn to fend for themselves prior to age 25 is ok, and encouraged. It's the sign of a good parent. I never thought of telling my parents what to do, but I was sure as hell capable of choosing my own college. WTF. Seriously.
Your mom has some control issues. How pathetic that she wouldn't let you take a class you wanted. Was it a money or schedule issue? I could see that. Given everything else you have said, sounds like mommy was trying to live through you and that wasn't her vision.
Don't do that to your kids.
Ha! She didn't choose my major or my spouse and it wasn't that I couldn't choose my college, it's that she "suggested" and I was like whatever because I didn't care. Maybe when I think back on it, I knew I was going to a Christian college and didn't really know of any that I had a preference over so I went with it.
As far as not being able to take tap, at the time I didn't know why and money wasn't the problem. Don't anyone pass out now but tap to her was a form of dance that she didn't feel christian girls should be doing. I didn't stick with ballet so it didn't bother me.
I didn't feel like I couldn't make decisions for myself or I missed out on stuff. My parents where nervous but I went away to college and I made decisions for myself from then on. If my parents didn't guide me like they did from birth to about 16-18, I wouldn't be who I am today or have things that I have.
Perhaps you didn't care that she chose you college because you were so used to being told what to do?
I wish you luck, and I hope your kids don't have issues I really do.
You have the right to do whatever you want, and one day your kids might if they can learn to make decisions on their own and not just follow the script they were given.
I hope you can find some middle ground though. Listening to your kids feelings doesn't make you a a bad parent.
I'm not surprised that most people don't agree with "making" your child do something, but that's how DH and I were raised and we're not scarred. Music is a big part of my family and everyone plays an instrument and some play multiple instruments.nbsp;When I was younger, I wanted to quit and my mother didn't let me and made me pratice and I'm so glad she did. I could go on and on about the advantages my musical abilities have given my brothers and I.nbsp;I guess I just don't think kids should be making decisions on how their lives are shaped. I'm the parent and I will guide you and when the child is 18 or out of the house, then they can make their own decisions. I had a happy childhood, but my parents, especially my mother was the ruler.
I mean this respectfully but being raised like that seriously messed me up. Not being allowed to make decisions and not having my point of views validated makes it hard for me to make decisions as an adult. I don't trust myself and need reassurance constantly. I also rebelled when I got to college and a bunch of stupid things because I hadn't been taught to respect myself.
I don't think the kid should be running the house. But kids are capable of making choices way before 18. I wish my parents had taught me HOW to make good desisions and respect myself Instead of dictated my every move.
I'm sorry you had a bad association with how you were raised.
I have a friend that was not raised how I was and she's 27 years old and says that she can't make decisions by herself and I have another friend that was raised like me and we both have a clear mindset and no problem making decisions. I really think it's a fine line. Did I rebel? Yes, but my rebellion was doing things at 21 that lots of kids where doing at 16 so, I don't know.
I just think kids in this day and age call to many shots and have a sense of entitlement. It's irritating. I will be somewhat looser than my parents but I don't see where they went so wrong. I never felt like I was missing something.
Example: Child wants to go to a HS that the parent knows isn't a good HS. Do you say ok or do you tell your child that they won't be going to that HS. I'm telling my child their not going to that HS. This the type of thing of thing I'm talking about. I didn't live in boot camp.
I'm not surprised that most people don't agree with "making" your child do something, but that's how DH and I were raised and we're not scarred. Music is a big part of my family and everyone plays an instrument and some play multiple instruments.nbsp;When I was younger, I wanted to quit and my mother didn't let me and made me pratice and I'm so glad she did. I could go on and on about the advantages my musical abilities have given my brothers and I.nbsp;I guess I just don't think kids should be making decisions on how their lives are shaped. I'm the parent and I will guide you and when the child is 18 or out of the house, then they can make their own decisions. I had a happy childhood, but my parents, especially my mother was the ruler.
I mean this respectfully but being raised like that seriously messed me up. Not being allowed to make decisions and not having my point of views validated makes it hard for me to make decisions as an adult. I don't trust myself and need reassurance constantly. I also rebelled when I got to college and a bunch of stupid things because I hadn't been taught to respect myself.
I don't think the kid should be running the house. But kids are capable of making choices way before 18. I wish my parents had taught me HOW to make good desisions and respect myself Instead of dictated my every move.
I'm sorry you had a bad association with how you were raised.
I have a friend that was not raised how I was and she's 27 years old and says that she can't make decisions by herself and I have another friend that was raised like me and we both have a clear mindset and no problem making decisions. I really think it's a fine line. Did I rebel? Yes, but my rebellion was doing things at 21 that lots of kids where doing at 16 so, I don't know.
I just think kids in this day and age call to many shots and have a sense of entitlement. It's irritating. I will be somewhat looser than my parents but I don't see where they went so wrong. I never felt like I was missing something.
Example: Child wants to go to a HS that the parent knows isn't a good HS. Do you say ok or do you tell your child that they won't be going to that HS. I'm telling my child their not going to that HS. This the type of thing of thing I'm talking about. I didn't live in boot camp.
If its a bad HS id tell them so and pick a better one for them. But if they wanted to paint instead of play the piano, or sing, or ride I'd let them follow their own dreams, not mine. Now if they pick something I would make them see it through and not quit after a bad day.
My rebellion was also in my 20's. There is a fine line between giving guidance and forcing a lifestyle. I think you are crossed into forcing a lifestyle. That is just my opinion.
Not giving any rules can be just as detrimental. Parents are parents not friends. No kids don't make the rules. But the rules should be reasonable and explained when possible.
I would hope that my kids won't hate me because I love my parents deeply and I had a close and loving relationship with my parents growing up. I had to lol to what if my child was tone deaf. I'm sorry but if that happens then what can I do but I don't believe at all that that would happen and learning to read sheet music comes with the territory.
How do my musical abilities help now? Well, let me start with I have heard that music helps with academics and I did well. I went to college on a music scholarship. I was able to travel the world playing in different orchestras, so that was pretty cool and also I feel my child will always have a job even if their college degree isn't as lucrative as they would like.
I taught music lessons in college and after and music lessons are not cheap so I made a nice living at a young age just doing that. I now use my degree and I'm in health care. Both of my brothers have masters in non musical careers and they don't even use their degrees. The play for churches and funeral parlors. One would be surprised at what churches pay just to play once a week and choir practice once a week.
Lastly, our faith has a lot to do with it. It's traidition that the "Smith" family plays piano or organ for churches. We all have played for our church at some time in our lives.
Around here it would be nothing. It is a voluntary thing.
And I'm LOL'ing at reading sheet music comes with the territory. Ok. Tell yourself that. All the courses, training, and performances I have had I should be awesome at it. Nope. Monkey looking at a math problem. I know what everything on it means, I just can't turn it into a tone.
I'm laughing even harder at knowing how to play an instrument means they will be able to find a job to get by. I know a number of music majors. Jobs are extremely difficult to come by and can't be found on a whim.
Oh no. I don't doubt that some churches may have volunteers that play, but it is not the case everywhere.
We are classically trained musicains that play gospel music also. Does that make sense? My brothers make a good living doing this. It's a real job with benefits. These churches pay close to $1,000 a week. Is it all churches no and probaly not most. Most I know pay around $500-$700 a week and while you're still young you have the chance to play for more than one church. Maybe I should add that one of the churches my brother plays for is on TV, so it's a rather large church and popular.
Don't get me wrong, playing a musical instrument doesn't mean you will always have a job, but it could be something to fall back on.
And I'm so sad that you can't read sheet music. Lol. Really, I love music and I would be sad if I wasn't good at it, but really, if my child just couldn't do it then I would have to live with that. I would just MAKE them be a doctor or something. JK
I would hope that my kids won't hate me because I love my parents deeply and I had a close and loving relationship with my parents growing up. I had to lol to what if my child was tone deaf. I'm sorry but if that happens then what can I do but I don't believe at all that that would happen and learning to read sheet music comes with the territory.
How do my musical abilities help now? Well, let me start with I have heard that music helps with academics and I did well. I went to college on a music scholarship. I was able to travel the world playing in different orchestras, so that was pretty cool and also I feel my child will always have a job even if their college degree isn't as lucrative as they would like.
I taught music lessons in college and after and music lessons are not cheap so I made a nice living at a young age just doing that. I now use my degree and I'm in health care. Both of my brothers have masters in non musical careers and they don't even use their degrees. The play for churches and funeral parlors. One would be surprised at what churches pay just to play once a week and choir practice once a week.
Lastly, our faith has a lot to do with it. It's traidition that the "Smith" family plays piano or organ for churches. We all have played for our church at some time in our lives.
Around here it would be nothing. It is a voluntary thing.
And I'm LOL'ing at reading sheet music comes with the territory. Ok. Tell yourself that. All the courses, training, and performances I have had I should be awesome at it. Nope. Monkey looking at a math problem. I know what everything on it means, I just can't turn it into a tone.
I'm laughing even harder at knowing how to play an instrument means they will be able to find a job to get by. I know a number of music majors. Jobs are extremely difficult to come by and can't be found on a whim.
Oh no. I don't doubt that some churches may have volunteers that play, but it is not the case everywhere.
We are classically trained musicains that play gospel music also. Does that make sense? My brothers make a good living doing this. It's a real job with benefits. These churches pay close to $1,000 a week. Is it all churches no and probaly not most. Most I know pay around $500-$700 a week and while you're still young you have the chance to play for more than one church. Maybe I should add that one of the churches my brother plays for is on TV, so it's a rather large church and popular.
Don't get me wrong, playing a musical instrument doesn't mean you will always have a job, but it could be something to fall back on.
And I'm so sad that you can't read sheet music. Lol. Really, I love music and I would be sad if I wasn't good at it, but really, if my child just couldn't do it then I would have to live with that. I would just MAKE them be a doctor or something. JK
I do agree with you. Their is a fine line between giving guidance and forcing a lifestyle. My brothers and I choose what we wanted to do with our lives and music was forced on us, but I was the only one that challenged it when I hit puberty, but grew to love it.My brothers and mostly all my cousins around my age play music in our churches and it just seems natural to me to have my child do it also.
Any other decisions, I feel I was able to make if I wanted to. I choose my own clothes and I picked out my first car just like my brothers did at 16, just life decisioins like school was chosen for us. Education was a big deal to my parents and they choose it and we never cared.
I don't know, I will not lie and say I'm not going to put my kids in music before they even reach K5, but I will just hope that I do a good job with my kids. I'm not perfect but I think my parents did a good job with all of us and I hope I can do that and even more.
I'm not surprised that most people don't agree with "making" your child do something, but that's how DH and I were raised and we're not scarred. Music is a big part of my family and everyone plays an instrument and some play multiple instruments.nbsp;When I was younger, I wanted to quit and my mother didn't let me and made me pratice and I'm so glad she did. I could go on and on about the advantages my musical abilities have given my brothers and I.nbsp;I guess I just don't think kids should be making decisions on how their lives are shaped. I'm the parent and I will guide you and when the child is 18 or out of the house, then they can make their own decisions. I had a happy childhood, but my parents, especially my mother was the ruler.
So you're saying that as a 16 year old, if your child wants to play sports instead of music or band then you wouldn't allow it? You think a 16 yo isn't old enough to make a decision about what he is interested in?
What will happen when you're 18 yo suddenly stops playing the violin and does something to make himself happy and not you?
Music was a big part of my life but not the only thing. I played volley ball in HS. I would not be against my child doing something else along with music.
I started violin at 2 and a half, so it was all I knew growing up and it wasn't until I hit puberty that I didn't want to play because I was more into boys. I'm just saying that I believe that my parents knew best and pushed me to continue and didn't let me stop just because I got to that age of rebellion.
I took ballet classes and wanted to take tap also and my mom said no. I survived. I don't come from a household that the child tells the parent what to do and I was fine with that. My mom choose my HS and even choose my college and I didn't care. I'm married now and I make my own decisions now and I'm very grateful for my parent's guidance. I probaly will be a little looser with my kids and listen to how they feel but not how I see a lot parents letting the kid run the show.
I'm sure most here don't agree, but hey, I have no kids yet, so who knows?
I'm sorry you had a bad association with how you were raised.
I have a friend that was not raised how I was and she's 27 years old and says that she can't make decisions by herself and I have another friend that was raised like me and we both have a clear mindset and no problem making decisions. I really think it's a fine line. Did I rebel? Yes, but my rebellion was doing things at 21 that lots of kids where doing at 16 so, I don't know.
I just think kids in this day and age call to many shots and have a sense of entitlement. It's irritating. I will be somewhat looser than my parents but I don't see where they went so wrong. I never felt like I was missing something.
Example: Child wants to go to a HS that the parent knows isn't a good HS. Do you say ok or do you tell your child that they won't be going to that HS. I'm telling my child their not going to that HS. This the type of thing of thing I'm talking about. I didn't live in boot camp.
Maybe you should have paid as much attention in English class as you did in music.
FYI, there, they're and their are not interchangeable.
You're backtracking. First you say your child will play an instrument and can only make his own decisions after 18. Then you change it to 16. Your mom chose your college. Then you said she didn't.
I have to ask. You said you didn't care where you went to college, right? What if you were given the choice to decide which school you wanted to go to? Do you think you would have cared more since you had a personal investment in it? Would you have been more willing to take college more seriously if you picked the one with the better opportunities for the career that YOU chose instead of just because it was a Christian college?
Life isn't as black and white as you're making it. Just because you know one person who is messed up because they weren't raised like you, it doesn't mean that all are. Guess what, I know a girl who was raised by a tiger mom. She forced her to go to her college, chose her major and chose her friends for her. That girl can't make a decision without consulting her mom. And her mom thrives off of that still. What her mother doesn't know is that her daughter takes anxiety and depression meds because she's so scared of pissing her mom off.
Me: 32 DH: 31. B/W: good. SA: good. November 2012: Paratubal cyst found during U/S. January 10, 2013: Lap removed paratubal cyst and Stage 2 Endometriosis. 3 cycles of Femara + TI = BFNs
June 2013: Femara 2.5 mg, Gonal F Injects 37.5 IU, Menopur, trigger + IUI = BFN
July 2013: Femara 2.5 mg, Gonal F Injects 75 IU, Menopur, trigger + IUI = BFP!!!!
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BFP 8/16/2013 // EDD 4/28/2014
Jordan Samuel born April 19, 2014. 6 lb, 12 oz and 18 inches long.
Before DD was born, I was very firm that she would not sleep in our bed with us. Surprisingly, we have been able to stick to that very well, and she now sleeps very well at night in her own bed. When she was sick last weekend, that was the first time I slept in bed with her. I don't count those times, but on an average night it's just best for all if everyone is in their own bed.
I also said I wouldn't let her watch much TV, but that's gone out the window especially now in the winter months. Sadly, the rotation includes Barney, whom I hate with a passion and also claimed I would never allow in my house! Now that spring is officially on the way, I plan to get back on track and away from the TV!
In the future, she will not be having a cell phone before she can pay the bill herself...I dont think it's healthy for a young child's brain to be exposed to the radiation anyway, nor does it give her a sense of responsibility.
My child hopefully soon to be children will NEVER be subjected to the humiliation of a leash. She is a person NOT a dog. My 2 year old was taught to stay by us and hold our hand.
I will not give into her fit or bribe her to stop. I do not want to encourage bad behavior.
I have been working on manners since she started talking but of course she is 2 so it isn't at 100 yet but she does better than some adults I know.
I won't let my children sleep in bed with me. I am terrified I will roll over on them since I move a lot when I'm asleep. Now occasionally when my DD is sick I do let her sleep in my bed but I can't sleep when she does so I am awake all night or until I can lay her in her own bed.
I always said I wouldn't let her watch tv but that changed. We do limit her tv time though. If I need to cook I let her help me mix thing up and when it's time for the actual cooking I let her watch Dora.
Whaaaaaat?!?!?! That is cray; I would NEVER let my kid get away with that! So yeah, I guess there's my first one. Another is that I will never let my kid be disrespectful without repercussions. My nephew told my BIL to shut up at a recent family gathering and somehow I was the only one whose head snapped up as I blurted "WHAT?!" Oh heeeeell no!!! But no one did anything at all. Also I feel strongly about not letting my kids become tv and/or computer addicts.
This just made me laugh. What some might consider an 'addiction' is actually the trend of the future in terms of a booming, highly skilled and exciting job area. My daughter is what you would probably label a 'computer addict', but I'm ok with that. In April she's starting a prestigious post-secondary school with a large scholarship in the Graphic Design and Web Publishing program, and when done her 18 month intensive program will be highly sought after for jobs that will pay upwards of 2-3 times or more than what I make now with my 5-year university degree for teaching. I'm already in awe of what this 'computer addict' has accomplished just in high school, and look forward to seeing what she does down the road!
I guess that's not really what I meant by that--it sounds like what your daughter is doing is productive. I meant more like gaming and chat rooms and that kind of thing.
But that's the thing, my daughter is into all of that. She's playing online games with people in the US, chatting with friends in England and sharing artwork with people in Hong Kong at almost any hour of the day. Simultaneously. All the time. The internet is her world. It's not mine, I'm on it a lot for work and for play but not like she is. And don't forget, gaming, art, computer expertise, graphic design, animation, etc. are all in HUGE demand right now. My daughter happens to be going into more of the graphic design end of things, whereas a friend of hers who lives for gaming is barely half a year into his program and has already had very lucrative job offers from EA and Konami. They don't even care if he finishes school, he's built up such a skill set through his 'addiction' that he's exactly what they're looking for. Gamers and computer experts (addicts) are a hot commodity! lol
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See I feel the opposite on this, I will have a leash for my kid when they are in that running everywhere toddler stage. Have you ever tried to catch a running 2 year old while trying to push a stroller with an infant? Kids are super fast! and sometimes they refuse to stay in a stroller and want to walk on their own. I think having a leash so they can explore but not get too far away from their parents is good thing.
Re: NTTGP: GTKU. "My kid will never do...."
It's one thing to encourage your kids to try music and stick with it, but I'd feel like such a failure if I didn't live up to you expectations.
I had to take piano lessons. I liked it all right but I would have liked to do horseback riding lessons instead. Is that wrong? What if your kid wants to paint instead?
Ha! She didn't choose my major or my spouse and it wasn't that I couldn't choose my college, it's that she "suggested" and I was like whatever because I didn't care. Maybe when I think back on it, I knew I was going to a Christian college and didn't really know of any that I had a preference over so I went with it.
As far as not being able to take tap, at the time I didn't know why and money wasn't the problem. Don't anyone pass out now but tap to her was a form of dance that she didn't feel christian girls should be doing. I didn't stick with ballet so it didn't bother me.
I didn't feel like I couldn't make decisions for myself or I missed out on stuff. My parents where nervous but I went away to college and I made decisions for myself from then on. If my parents didn't guide me like they did from birth to about 16-18, I wouldn't be who I am today or have things that I have.
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
Haha! Do you and Nicole Mac have anything to say in response to the actual question of the original post about your OWN future parenting? As much as you may disagree with what I have said and what the other women have said about their future "no no's", your judgment is not going to change how I feel and I doubt it will change anyone else's thoughts either. So again...you raise your kids how you want to, and the rest of us will raise ours as we see fit as well.
**Siggy/Ticker Warning**
TTC #1 since May 2012
May 2013: First R.E. appointment
DH: SA is good
May 2013: CD3 Blood work-normal
June 2013: Hsg-Right tube blocked
July 26, 2013: Starting Follistim for IVF #1
August 2013: IVF #1 Cancelled- Abnormal embryos
October/November 2013: IVF #2 w/ICSI
November 8, 2013: Transferred two early blasts (no frosties)
November 18, 2013: First EVER BFP!
Beta#1: 91 Beta#2: 288
1st U/S- 5w2d Saw yolk sac!
3rd U/S- 7w4d HB of 157bpm!
TEAM BLUE!
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Perhaps you didn't care that she chose you college because you were so used to being told what to do?
I wish you luck, and I hope your kids don't have issues I really do.
You have the right to do whatever you want, and one day your kids might if they can learn to make decisions on their own and not just follow the script they were given.
I hope you can find some middle ground though. Listening to your kids feelings doesn't make you a a bad parent.
Edited miss read pp
I'm sorry you had a bad association with how you were raised.
I have a friend that was not raised how I was and she's 27 years old and says that she can't make decisions by herself and I have another friend that was raised like me and we both have a clear mindset and no problem making decisions. I really think it's a fine line. Did I rebel? Yes, but my rebellion was doing things at 21 that lots of kids where doing at 16 so, I don't know.
I just think kids in this day and age call to many shots and have a sense of entitlement. It's irritating. I will be somewhat looser than my parents but I don't see where they went so wrong. I never felt like I was missing something.
Example: Child wants to go to a HS that the parent knows isn't a good HS. Do you say ok or do you tell your child that they won't be going to that HS. I'm telling my child their not going to that HS. This the type of thing of thing I'm talking about. I didn't live in boot camp.
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
If its a bad HS id tell them so and pick a better one for them. But if they wanted to paint instead of play the piano, or sing, or ride I'd let them follow their own dreams, not mine. Now if they pick something I would make them see it through and not quit after a bad day.
My rebellion was also in my 20's. There is a fine line between giving guidance and forcing a lifestyle. I think you are crossed into forcing a lifestyle. That is just my opinion.
Not giving any rules can be just as detrimental. Parents are parents not friends. No kids don't make the rules. But the rules should be reasonable and explained when possible.
Oh no. I don't doubt that some churches may have volunteers that play, but it is not the case everywhere.
We are classically trained musicains that play gospel music also. Does that make sense? My brothers make a good living doing this. It's a real job with benefits. These churches pay close to $1,000 a week. Is it all churches no and probaly not most. Most I know pay around $500-$700 a week and while you're still young you have the chance to play for more than one church. Maybe I should add that one of the churches my brother plays for is on TV, so it's a rather large church and popular.
Don't get me wrong, playing a musical instrument doesn't mean you will always have a job, but it could be something to fall back on.
And I'm so sad that you can't read sheet music. Lol. Really, I love music and I would be sad if I wasn't good at it, but really, if my child just couldn't do it then I would have to live with that. I would just MAKE them be a doctor or something. JK
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
Oh no. I don't doubt that some churches may have volunteers that play, but it is not the case everywhere.
We are classically trained musicains that play gospel music also. Does that make sense? My brothers make a good living doing this. It's a real job with benefits. These churches pay close to $1,000 a week. Is it all churches no and probaly not most. Most I know pay around $500-$700 a week and while you're still young you have the chance to play for more than one church. Maybe I should add that one of the churches my brother plays for is on TV, so it's a rather large church and popular.
Don't get me wrong, playing a musical instrument doesn't mean you will always have a job, but it could be something to fall back on.
And I'm so sad that you can't read sheet music. Lol. Really, I love music and I would be sad if I wasn't good at it, but really, if my child just couldn't do it then I would have to live with that. I would just MAKE them be a doctor or something. JK
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
*Nicole*
I do agree with you. Their is a fine line between giving guidance and forcing a lifestyle. My brothers and I choose what we wanted to do with our lives and music was forced on us, but I was the only one that challenged it when I hit puberty, but grew to love it.My brothers and mostly all my cousins around my age play music in our churches and it just seems natural to me to have my child do it also.
Any other decisions, I feel I was able to make if I wanted to. I choose my own clothes and I picked out my first car just like my brothers did at 16, just life decisioins like school was chosen for us. Education was a big deal to my parents and they choose it and we never cared.
I don't know, I will not lie and say I'm not going to put my kids in music before they even reach K5, but I will just hope that I do a good job with my kids. I'm not perfect but I think my parents did a good job with all of us and I hope I can do that and even more.
TTGP March Siggy Challenge
Wow ... Huh? What? I'm disturbed ...
I'm sorry you had a bad association with how you were raised.
I have a friend that was not raised how I was and she's 27 years old and says that she can't make decisions by herself and I have another friend that was raised like me and we both have a clear mindset and no problem making decisions. I really think it's a fine line. Did I rebel? Yes, but my rebellion was doing things at 21 that lots of kids where doing at 16 so, I don't know.
I just think kids in this day and age call to many shots and have a sense of entitlement. It's irritating. I will be somewhat looser than my parents but I don't see where they went so wrong. I never felt like I was missing something.
Example: Child wants to go to a HS that the parent knows isn't a good HS. Do you say ok or do you tell your child that they won't be going to that HS. I'm telling my child their not going to that HS. This the type of thing of thing I'm talking about. I didn't live in boot camp.
Maybe you should have paid as much attention in English class as you did in music.
FYI, there, they're and their are not interchangeable.
You're backtracking. First you say your child will play an instrument and can only make his own decisions after 18. Then you change it to 16. Your mom chose your college. Then you said she didn't.
I have to ask. You said you didn't care where you went to college, right? What if you were given the choice to decide which school you wanted to go to? Do you think you would have cared more since you had a personal investment in it? Would you have been more willing to take college more seriously if you picked the one with the better opportunities for the career that YOU chose instead of just because it was a Christian college?
Life isn't as black and white as you're making it. Just because you know one person who is messed up because they weren't raised like you, it doesn't mean that all are. Guess what, I know a girl who was raised by a tiger mom. She forced her to go to her college, chose her major and chose her friends for her. That girl can't make a decision without consulting her mom. And her mom thrives off of that still. What her mother doesn't know is that her daughter takes anxiety and depression meds because she's so scared of pissing her mom off.
Me: 32 DH: 31.
B/W: good. SA: good.
November 2012: Paratubal cyst found during U/S.
January 10, 2013: Lap removed paratubal cyst and Stage 2 Endometriosis.
3 cycles of Femara + TI = BFNs
June 2013: Femara 2.5 mg, Gonal F Injects 37.5 IU, Menopur, trigger + IUI = BFN
July 2013: Femara 2.5 mg, Gonal F Injects 75 IU, Menopur, trigger + IUI = BFP!!!!
Beta 1 @ 11 DPIUI = 76. Progesterone = 27.3
BFP 8/16/2013 // EDD 4/28/2014
Jordan Samuel born April 19, 2014. 6 lb, 12 oz and 18 inches long.
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I also said I wouldn't let her watch much TV, but that's gone out the window especially now in the winter months. Sadly, the rotation includes Barney, whom I hate with a passion and also claimed I would never allow in my house! Now that spring is officially on the way, I plan to get back on track and away from the TV!
In the future, she will not be having a cell phone before she can pay the bill herself...I dont think it's healthy for a young child's brain to be exposed to the radiation anyway, nor does it give her a sense of responsibility.
I will not give into her fit or bribe her to stop. I do not want to encourage bad behavior.
I have been working on manners since she started talking but of course she is 2 so it isn't at 100 yet but she does better than some adults I know.
I won't let my children sleep in bed with me. I am terrified I will roll over on them since I move a lot when I'm asleep. Now occasionally when my DD is sick I do let her sleep in my bed but I can't sleep when she does so I am awake all night or until I can lay her in her own bed.
I always said I wouldn't let her watch tv but that changed. We do limit her tv time though. If I need to cook I let her help me mix thing up and when it's time for the actual cooking I let her watch Dora.
But that's the thing, my daughter is into all of that. She's playing online games with people in the US, chatting with friends in England and sharing artwork with people in Hong Kong at almost any hour of the day. Simultaneously. All the time. The internet is her world. It's not mine, I'm on it a lot for work and for play but not like she is. And don't forget, gaming, art, computer expertise, graphic design, animation, etc. are all in HUGE demand right now. My daughter happens to be going into more of the graphic design end of things, whereas a friend of hers who lives for gaming is barely half a year into his program and has already had very lucrative job offers from EA and Konami. They don't even care if he finishes school, he's built up such a skill set through his 'addiction' that he's exactly what they're looking for. Gamers and computer experts (addicts) are a hot commodity! lol
Married August 2012. Me: 41 DH: 42
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Clomid cycles Nov. 2013 and Jan, Feb, and March 2014
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See I feel the opposite on this, I will have a leash for my kid when they are in that running everywhere toddler stage. Have you ever tried to catch a running 2 year old while trying to push a stroller with an infant? Kids are super fast! and sometimes they refuse to stay in a stroller and want to walk on their own. I think having a leash so they can explore but not get too far away from their parents is good thing.