Switched to Neocate, Advice please (long, desperate!)

I BFed to six months or so and had to go dairy free fairly early on.  Her issues got better, but I don't think they ever resolved completely.  As FTPs, everyone kept telling us she would grow out of it.. and here we are at 9 months.

She has always been a lousy napper, but her gas wakes her up, KEEPS her up, and prevents her from going to sleep - day AND night.  Our schedules are completely off of the wall because of her poop/stomach problems. She will sleep anywhere from 20min to 1.5 hours a day in naps, and go to sleep sometime between 7pm and 11pm, usually sleeping for 10-12hrs - with lots of wake ups - atleast 4 a night.

She just got switched to Neocate on Saturday.  She had 2 days of explosive, entirely liquid diarrhea (sorry TMI!) and then a low fever for all of yesterday.  Today her fever is gone, but she's refusing the bottle and only drank 16oz instead of her usual ~30.  She pooped once today with some bicycle legs and stimulation (i hate doing this). On previous formulas, she was always constipated which contributed to the gas and would have bouts of diarrhea.

She has only spit up twice, ever, but I suspect she does it more and just swallows (eww).  She sporadically goes into fits of crying, and has tell tale signs of reflux, but I don't want to push for meds or unnecessary testing.

 I feel like a horrible mom.  I've tried gas drops, extra burping, all sorts of tummy oil/massage, gripe water (colic calm, mommys bliss, you name it), and zillions of other homeopathic things, including putting fennel tea or chamomile tea in her bottle/in a sippy.  Nothing seems to help.

 Our 9mo wellness visit is on Friday.  I called for GI recs, but everyone with good reviews around us is booked for MONTHS. I don't know what they would even do at this point other than say to wait a few weeks until her formula change settles, and then we'll see.

Since switching, her gas in her belly/from the butt seems to be better, but now she burps like a maniac and seems to have more of a reflux problem than before. If it's not one end, it's the other...

She's always been at the high end of the growth charts (~90%), but when we went in last Friday for a sick visit (Neocate script), she had only gained 1/4lb in 2 months.  She's never had a issue like this before, and I was under the impression it's not even considered "failure to thrive" unless their measurements are falling off the charts.

 ANY advice is welcome.   My ped is an open kind of guy, and in his defensive I probably never stressed it as much as I should have because I didn't trust our instincts enough. Is there anything I can ask for? Is there anything I should do?

 THANK YOU!