?? for STMs about visitors-kinda long
A little background on my personality so you ladies can understand why I'm asking the question. I tend to be a moody person even pre-pregnancy. Not so much as emotionally up and down. I'm just the type of person that sometimes when I want to be quiet, I don't want it to be questioned nor do I want to have to explain why a certain day is a quiet or less talkative day. I'm a pretty social person but I don't like being pressured to do things I don't want to do. For example If I'm asked out to happy hour with friends...sometimes I will go, but sometimes I won't because I simply don't feel like it. Or if my family is doing a short notice "let's meet for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory" I like to be able to say..."maybe next time" without being guilted into going. That's what I mean by moody. I guess I don't have a better description for my personality. The pregnancy has added to the "moodiness" But I promise I am not a horrible sister and daughter. LOL
My concern is...when the baby actually comes will I still be moody as well as too tired or just not in the mood for "people in general" for the first few weeks?
My family generally respects my personality and they know how DH and I are but I don't want to deny them the excitement of visiting the new baby simply because I was just "not in the mood". I want to be reasonable as I do have a great relationship with my family as well as my in-laws who also plan to visit soon after the birth. This relationship with my family is great because we do accept each others' varying personalities. I guess my question is since they generally accept my personality as is; even if I don't feel like it, should I bite the bullet and let them visit immediately after the birth? Otherwise they may be on pins and needles with anticipation and I don't want to do that to them.
That being said, did any of you regret letting people visit too soon after the baby's birth or find that you simply were too tired or just not in the mood? Opinions please.
Re: ?? for STMs about visitors-kinda long
Yes, I did feel we allowed visitors too soon at the hospital. I ended up with an emergency c section and having all those people there while being wheeled from recovery to my room was annoying. Having them all waiting in the hallway when the nurse brought my DD1 in so I could try nursing for the first time was frustrating and exhausting. Luckily everyone kinda said hi and got the hint.
This time, we are asking everyone to wait until the later afternoon to come visit at the hospital. My RCS is early in the morning. Everyone is respecting this.
As for visitors at home, I would let immediate family visit because its a big deal for them too but dont be afraid to kick people out if you are tired of the visits. Everyone else can wait a few weeks til you are settled.
We delivered DS1 in the hospital in our home town (which is where we will deliver this time). I had a failed induction and ended up having a c-section after 14 hours of labor. During that time I had both sets of grandparents, two sets of great grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-aunts and uncles swarming in and out of the hospital. As well as a couple of friends. I would not let people (except for a few) into the room while I was in labor because I was hurting and couldn't get an epidural. That pissed my MIL completely off. I didn't get out of recovery until almost 10 p.m. that night at which time I still had a healthy crowd of people that followed me down the hall and into the room. Thankfully they didn't stay long. For the next three days, I was inundated with friends, family, co-workers, and church folks. While I was glad to see them all, it was overwhelming and I was so tired. When we went home we requested that everyone give us a few days to get settled before visiting. Because of this experience, I will be putting a few more restrictions of visiting this time, especially at the hospital. Nothing too strict, mostly about when and how long people can visit. Let the nurses be the bad guys if you need to.
I should also mention that we relocated to another state so any of my family who visits will likely be staying for a weekend or a couple days. My MIL who is flying to visit will be staying for a week. So we don't even have the luxury of being local where they can come visit for a couple hours and go home the same day. They would actually be staying with us.
That being said, I don't know what type of mood I will be in because this is my first. I just don't want to make promises that I may end up breaking because of my mood?
When I was first pregnant, I remember the excitement my family expressed and we had all these plans. At the time DH and I were looking to relocate out of the area pre-pregnancy. When I became pregnant, we still looked here and there because with the government hiring process it can take a while. However he got the offer when I was about 6 months preggo so of course the family was disappointed that I wouldn't be local when I delivered. So they are so eager for the delivery so they can drive up. I just don't know what I'm going to feel like. At this point I told everybody that we will text when I go into labor and update them after that. They already know I want to take a while for DH and I to bond with the baby, but I don't really know how long I want or need, but I know they will be bursting at the seams.
I'm always in the minority but this is exactly how I felt. I hate entertaining at our house in general and people were pretty respectful at the hospital as far as not overstaying their welcome. It's also incredible how much of the time the baby is taken out of the room for one thing or another and how often you'll be attempting to BF (if you're planning to BF). I had many visitors who had to wait outside for a while until I was done so once they got in the room, they didn't stay all that long. I'm in camp "get it over with"
We also had too many visitors too soon. DH's parents drove 2 hrs and got there right after DS was born. I was still in recovery & they came in smelling of cigarette & of course wanted to hold new grandson. I couldn't even walk yet due to epidural and hadn't gotten to breastfeed DS yet. I didn't know how to say "no" or "times up" so I think eventually nurse kicked them out so we could try nursing. I have no issues telling my family, just can't tell IL's! So discussed this with DH and he's in complete agreement & will help keep the IL's away for a while so we can recover & feed this baby more promptly. My parents will probably come immediately with DS to meet his new sibling, but I think we'll keep everyone else at bay for at least a few hours.
Once we got home our front door may have been a revolving door, this time we are going to nip that immediately and say no. Hopefully this baby comes slightly early so we can host Easter/meet the baby at the same time to allow everyone to come at one time and be done rather than the 2 visitors today, 3 tomorrow, ...... It was non-stop!!!
Good luck!!!
This...
DS1 -6/25/11
DS2 -3/23/13
Missed MC D&C 8/26/14
DD - 8/26/15
LO#4 due 5/30/17