Attachment Parenting
twocents6708
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Temper tantrums and frustration
twocents6708
member
DD is 14 months and has started having total meltdowns lately. They include a lot of screaming and throwing herself down or biting when frustrated. It is especially bad when I am trying to prepare her meal and she is ready to eat NOW. I know that this is age appropriate and that it will improve as she gains words to verbalize her needs. But how do I help reduce this frustration for her? I try to give her a little to eat while I fix food and that sometimes helps. My family thinks I am spoiling her when I hold or pick her up when she cries like that but to me, she needs help with those big emotions. I will admit that there are times when it is stressful to me too and I feel bad when I get impatient or short with her.
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Re: Temper tantrums and frustration
Kids at this age have tantrums because they're tired, hungry, and/or frustrated.
So if you know she's hungry, give her an "appetizer".
Signing has helped my DS a lot - he's not a great talker, but he picks up on signs REALLY fast now. You could try adding a few of those to give her communication options. Even just eat, drink, all done, more can help a lot.
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Maybe it's me, but at 14 months DD wasn't walking yet. In my eyes she was very much a baby and therefore the words "temper tantrum" weren't remotely in my vocabulary. If she was upset it's because something was wrong... she was hungry, thirsty, tired, over/understimulated.
If you're certain she's upset because she's hungry why not give her something to eat while you're preparing the rest of the meal? Some berries are easy to serve quickly.
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Can your DH help at all?
If mine is home during meal prep, he plays trains with our son in another room. Out of sight, out of mind works really well at this age.
If DH isn't home, my little guy "helps" me prepare meals. I measure, and he pours or dumps. He helps stir. He'll push the button on the blender/food processor. He has his own little set of spatulas I'll give him with some tupperware and tell him to mix. A lot of time this helps because I'm holding him, so he gets mom time, and he likes to do what I'm doing.
My third solution for when he can't help (his knife skills are still a bit weak
) is giving him a snack. We have this little folding plant stand that's about tummy height and I call it his table. We set up his table and I'll put a little bowl with frozen peas, corn, edamame, or other veggie in it and he'll stand beside his table and munch on that. Or dump it on the floor and pick up the veggies and put them back in the bowl. Either way it keeps him occupied.
There are tantrums and there are Tantrums. Kids under 18 months generally have the first kind. They're born of this intense internal struggle over choices and feelings that, as you said in your OP, are too big and unmanageable for such a small and inexperienced little human. I found that it was easier to head these events off by distracting or avoiding common triggers for them. When my little ones did get to full-blown tantrum stage, I found that a simple, no-nonsense but compassionate approach helped end things. Sometimes if I got too involved in comforting the child, it actually prolonged the tantrum.
Tantrums with a capital T are usually the hallmark of an older toddler or even preschooler, and while they may start with a situation that's genuinely upsetting to the child, the child makes some level of conscious choice to ramp up from mere crying and whining to a full on TANTRUM in order to pressure the parent into giving in to end the spectacle. Again, limiting choices and making children responsible for the consequences of their choices is key to nipping this behavior in the bud. If you are too eager to placate this type of tantrum, or too apologetic, you can feed this and help you child learn that this is a really effective technique for getting what she wants. I found that ignoring this type of tantrum was the best be.
Your family is telling you not to comfort her too much because they're worried about Tantrums, when what you're dealing with at this stage is tantrums.
Love this! Very well stated and thanks for the insight. When DH is home, mealtime prep is much better as he keeps her distracted. When its just she and I, snacks and toys also seem to distract most of the time. I think we need to focus on watching/preventing triggers to keep her from getting so upset. Thanks for the suggestions!