Trying to Get Pregnant

DH getting frustrated with me

We are TTC #2 and I have been off BC for 5 months.  I was excited to see a little regularity with my last couple cycles (O'd around CD 18-19) because when we conceived DS, there was zero regularity but we got lucky.  Last cycle I didn't get a positive OPK but definitely O'd according to temps so I feel like I can't trust them for my cycles.  Well, this cycle I came down with a UTI on CD7, took antibiotics.  Thought I was gearing up to O.  Then on CD 18 woke up with fever and chills and abdominal pain, had to go get an ultrasound because they thought I might have appendicitis.  Feeling much better now.  CD19 had a ton of EWCM.  Now almost nothing, no temp rise, no positive OPKs, no more EWCM.  But I am paranoid we will miss our FW so I keep asking DH to BD and telling him I think it's time but I'm not positive.  And he is just burnt out now this cycle and is getting pissed that I don't know what is going on with my body.  He's having a stressful week at work with longer hours than normal as well, which isn't helping.  I'm not psychic and have no clue what's going on with this cycle.  What do you do to keep up DH's morale?  Is your DH understanding if you have irregular cycles?  I thought this would be an ideal situation for DH, but apparently not...
Lilypie - (7gcp)

Lilypie - (S3If)

Re: DH getting frustrated with me

  • My DH is kinda the same way. I went from super regular 28 day cycles over the summer and then since October they have been really irregular. I just try to have sex as much as possible. My DH has a pretty low sex drive and we go to bed at different times - so sex is definitely work and we have to almost schedule it to make sure we actually do it. I try for every 3-4 days right now since last cycle I O'd on CD 67, but I'm also using OPKs to try to time it better.

    Try for every other day for now until maybe his work slows down. It's not worth your relationship. Maybe try explaining that cycles can change and they are very unpredictable. Give him a little time off and hopefully he will understand. good luck!

    image


    Married June 2010.
    DD born 1/13 via Csection at 41w5d after 47 hours of labor

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  • imageblondie10m:

    And he is just burnt out now this cycle and is getting pissed that I don't know what is going on with my body. 

    Ummmm, wtf? I'm sorry, but your husband sounds like a douche bag if he's getting mad at you for having irregular cycles. We would all have normal, perfect cycles if we had any control over it.

    For now, I would suggest having sex every other day until you have a clearer picture of this cycle, so that neither one of you gets burnt out.

  • Like PP's have said, he shouldn't be mad at you for not knowing what's going on with your body, you're not psychic. My DH has low drive as well, so having a "regular" cycle is obviously more helpful so I can pinpoint when we need to BD more often so that he doesn't get burnt out. This cycle, we did try EOD and it was a little bit better for him.
    imageimage


  • imageGhostMonkey:

    imageblondie10m:

    Well, this cycle I came down with a UTI on CD7, took antibiotics.  Thought I was gearing up to O.  Then on CD 18 woke up with fever and chills and abdominal pain, had to go get an ultrasound because they thought I might have appendicitis. 

    Really? Appendicitis when those are extremely common signs of a UTI which means your antibiotics didn't do their job?

     

    Totally agree with GM here. I have had more UTIs than I would care to admit, and this sounds like what happens to me when the infection is in my bladder and/or kidney. I'm surprised that your doctor would immediately jump to appendicitis shortly after you were diagnosed with a UTI. Did he/she not review your chart beforehand??

  • It is very hard to get good timing when you have an unpredictable cycle and a DH with low drive. 

    I would LOVE for DH to just be able to have sex EOD and leave it at that, but he just can't.  

    So far in our three cycle I have O'ed on 14, 16, and 18...and  bc of it we have had progressively worse timing each month.  I was nearly shouting form the rooftops when my first cycle off BC was a total 'normal' O on CD #14!!! then the next month it was two days later and another two days the 3rd month. We start having sex as if I will O on CD14 and by the time CD 18 rolls around it is stressful and forced and doesn't work and feelings and egos are severely hurt.  

    I don't really have any advice because we are still trying to deal with this same problem.  I just wanted to let you know we are in the same boat because I felt very alone when it started happening bc who thinks having MORE sex is going to be so hard?!!?  

  • Thanks for your comments.  The first thing the doctors did is check my urine to recheck the UTI and it had totally cleared up.  The second illness seemed to be something different.  But I am feeling totally normal now.  Maybe I can get DH to do EOD.  He likes having sex for non-baby making purposes under low stress situations. But he knows me too well for me to just pretend it's spontaneous.  I just wish his work obligations will get back to normal soon.  Just feeling very discouraged.
    Lilypie - (7gcp)

    Lilypie - (S3If)

  • It sounds like you are both stressing out which =/= good sex.  Even for men, quality is just as important as quantity.  Remember he wants to have sex with you, not with your chart or OPKs.  I have had way too many UTI's and they can be miserable.  I'm sure the idea of having sex when you are sick just so your timing is good makes it feel even more like a chore for both of you.  Give him a break and give yourself one as well. 
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