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Not realy BFR, 3 yo misbehavior

SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
in Blended Families

DD is almost three, and up until now has been a completely normal kid behaviorwise. Shes always been strong willed, and we've been struggling with potty training, but otherwise things have been good. We split up a year and a half ago, have been divorced a year, and share them almost 50/50 with me having them one more day a week than XH.

Recently she has been awful. AWFUL. Sometime in the past month or so she just started being so defiant. Everything from getting dressed to going to bed is a fight. She throws major fits if she cant control something or have it her way. Shes been pooping in her pull up and making messes in it (stuck a sock in her pants at dads and smeared it on the stairs, tried to feed it to the dog at my house). No discipline technique that we have tried has worked. Time outs just make her scream more, and when she gets out of time out she goes right back to the same misbehavior. Taking away special toys or tv or special snacks just takes away the things that usually keep her occupied and behaving. When shes not distracted with play its worse.

I know most of this sounds like normal three year old behavior. The old fashioned power struggle. I just dont know what to do. DS was never like this. Of course he wasnt back and forth between daycare and two different homes every week either. He had me home with him all day at this age too, so it was easier. I just am at a loss. I hate to admit it but I dont like her right now. I dont enjoy spending time with her. Its a constant struggle. Im on my knees praying for patience by the end of every day. I spoke with XH tonight about it and he is having the same issues and feels the same way. He said usually by Sunday pick up he is so overwhelmed he can't wait for me to pick them up, which he obviously feels awful about.

I just dont know if I should talk to her pedi, or if this is normal and its something I just need to be consistant and work out. Is this a late reaction to the divorce? Is this a behavior disorder? Its so sudden and strong Im just worried. Any advice would be very appreciated. And  thank you so much if you made it this far.

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Re: Not realy BFR, 3 yo misbehavior

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    It is normal and you will survive.  It is annoying as all hell and feels like she will never change but it is normal and you will survive.  The only advice I can give is to pick one discipline and be consistent, if you keep changing something becuase it does not seem to work then you do not give it time to work.  Find what works for you, timeouts never worked for my DD at that age, she would freak but not learn.  As for the poop, ignore it or if you think she is capable of helping clean up then do that but personally I think she is too young for that and not capable of making the coorelation between the punishment and the crime.  It might help to realize in the grand scheme of things, she is still a baby.  I wanted to rip my hair out a year ago, DD still gives me a run for my money but she is growing up and it is much easier now.  I found 2 1/2 until just before 4 to the be the worst.  Good luck.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    Thank you. She is just so different from her brother, so head strong and sassy and unbothered by discipline. I feel lost a lot. I feel like she's winning, haha. DS is the kind of kid who if you scold him he immediately stops being naughty. He hates upsetting people and he's sensitive. She is wild and loud and silly oh so strong willed. It's a whole different beast!

    I really do need to pick a discipline technique and stick with it.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member

    imageSimpleJane:
    Thank you. She is just so different from her brother, so head strong and sassy and unbothered by discipline. I feel lost a lot. I feel like she's winning, haha. DS is the kind of kid who if you scold him he immediately stops being naughty. He hates upsetting people and he's sensitive. She is wild and loud and silly oh so strong willed. It's a whole different beast! I really do need to pick a discipline technique and stick with it.

    I do not know if that is the second child or girls but my house is the same.  My DS wants to please everyone, he still annoys his sister on purpose but he truly wants to make us and his teachers happy, I swear DD does not care.  She is not "bad" she just does what she wants, hopefully it will make her grow into a independent woman that can take charge and pave her own way!  On the plus side she might get mad when punished but at least she is not heart-broken like DS.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • SimpleJaneSimpleJane member
    imageLittlejen22:

    imageSimpleJane:
    Thank you. She is just so different from her brother, so head strong and sassy and unbothered by discipline. I feel lost a lot. I feel like she's winning, haha. DS is the kind of kid who if you scold him he immediately stops being naughty. He hates upsetting people and he's sensitive. She is wild and loud and silly oh so strong willed. It's a whole different beast! I really do need to pick a discipline technique and stick with it.

    I do not know if that is the second child or girls but my house is the same.  My DS wants to please everyone, he still annoys his sister on purpose but he truly wants to make us and his teachers happy, I swear DD does not care.  She is not "bad" she just does what she wants, hopefully it will make her grow into a independent woman that can take charge and pave her own way!  On the plus side she might get mad when punished but at least she is not heart-broken like DS.



    Yeah, I always picture Amelia as this independent, strong, confident woman when she grows up. Not a lot bothers her. She's sweet but not overly emotional, and although she's difficult and stubborn, she's very charming.

    J always says I favor DS. Obviously that's not true. He is so sweet and cuddly, and is hurt so easily. He requires more affection. He needs more coddling to feel confident and okay about things. He needs everything explained in detail or he gets nervous.

    Their personalities are SO different, so when something like this comes up with DD I'm usually caught off gaurd. Ive went through the stages completely different with each of them.
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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    Ditto Littlejen.  People talk about the terrible twos, but three is much worse, imho.

    You can try removing the power struggle by giving her choices: this shirt or this one?  Instead of just: get dressed!  But, that only goes so far. 

    Can you take her out of pullups altogether and have her deal with the mess?  I know she's young, but I would think she could empty her undies into the potty and help clean herself up.  And, don't get upset or mad.  Be very calm and matter of fact.  She's doing it for the reaction, so don't give her one.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • ambrvanambrvan member
    Ugh! I am sooo glad you posted this! At this moment in time, DS3 is not the kid I am.having most conflict with, but this sudden switch in behavior came up right about that time. At the moment, I am dealing with SD6 issues, but I know soon enough it will swap out again. No advice because I have taken some Tylenol PM. But hang in there! You are not alone!
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