sorry i have over asked question or concern
well i always wanted to have a child but said i didnt want one pass 25 cause of down syndrom prob being higher after that so when i married we both were like no kids but the thing is u cant completly rule it out u gotta be a lil open to it bc well if u r having sex u can have a baby no matter what protection u use end of story. well a lil after or 1 yr anni in july we found out in oct we were pregnant i was horrified to tell him cause i was scared of his reaction cause he reallllly dont want kids. even though i was terrified abt what i was abt to go through and have to do and if baby be ok im 27 now i was still really excited but all i could do is cry when i told him bc i knew how up set he was gonna be and how i let him down. he was supportive and held me and said it was fine butthe tention with him was babd he just had no care abt baby and was just not happy not a little. just like this omg kill me on his face and god help if i brought it up u could tell he wanted to run away i told him how it hurt that he was not happy abt the baby. he didnt say ne thing my fiends and family said the baby came first so i had to ignore how he felt and stop being so upset abt it or the stress could make me lose the baby that he come around soon enough. well almost 20 weeks later i just snapped and had a emotional out burst bc even though he has been supportive abt my symptoms and not making me cook dinner and stuff when it came to the baby there was nothing it was like he was treating me and caring for me asif i was sick, he would barly even ouch my belly. well i said i was done trying to tell him stuff abt the baby and wouldnt force info down his throught and all i could do was pray he love the baby when he gets here. he said im trying to have the same feelings as u its just hard . he basically is worried abt money and his life changing well its not ust his life it my life and my body too i have a much bigger plain this thing but also try very hard to be respectful of his concerns and i always thank him forever thing and love on him and hell even give him very reg bjs not every day like b4 the pregnancy bc of ms but u know i really make a effort. i hate asking him to do stuff or telling him how i feel cause i want him to do stuff bc he wants to not bc what i said . he has since then been more like interactive with the baby but feel its just to make me happy i just want him to love the baby i had awful parents who didnt love me and my mother beat me till she died when i was 14 i want our baby to have a happy life and loving parents is that to much to ask for .... sorry i wrote a book i know guys say they hate to much detail.... well not every one but most at least that i know.
any ways this is coming from a sad mommy that wants a happy daddy to be....
Re: sorry i have over asked question or concern
We don't hate details, but we do like correct spelling, capitalization, punctuation and paragraphs!
I got lost a couple times while reading this, but I think the gist is you were not planning on having kids, got pregnant and now you are upset that your husband (not sure if married, but you mention anniversary) isn't completely on board even though he is taking care of you.
The emotional transition to becoming a dad is different for everyone and it can be expected to be even harder for a guy who was never planning on having kids. Early on in the pregnancy it is harder for us to be connected to the baby because we can't feel it or interact with it. Give him time. Because he is involved in helping you out I would imagine he'll get on board. You are getting close to the point where he'll be able to feel the baby and that should help as well.
Down Syndrome becomes more of a risk after 35, not 25.
Aside from that, it sounds like your husband is experiencing what lots of men experience at finding out about an unexpected pregnancy: shock. He might just not know how to feel or respond. Instead of forcing him to confront his feelings, or yours, maybe just focus on your own health and your relationship in general, allowing him the time to process it all.
I got pregnant unexpectedly, so I understand the fear of facing your SO with the news. It was a shock to me! Even more so to him. While my own SO has been overwhelmingly supportive, he still has moments where he is afraid, overwhelmed, stressed, worries that he won't be a good dad... At first I tried to be in his face with every little detail of the pregnancy, but now I just give him his space and point out things like how the baby kicks at the sound of his voice. Things that will make him feel included in the whole process, and excited to meet his little boy. That works much better than my initial approach. Maybe it would work for you, too.
I'm sure that the dads on this board will be able to give you even more insight.
Sorry about rambling and not making paragraphs and such. I have habit of typing how i talk and im a high speed talker and have to learn to take breaths lol. I love that my husband loves me and takes care of me im not ungrateful, if that's what you think. i just want him to love his kid and come around to the idea i am terrified he never will truly love him just live with the fact he has a kid. I grew up with unloving parents unlike him and i know what its like.
I am hoping him feeling the baby will guide him to the true love i want to see from him I just hate feeling like i am in this game alone i feel his heart just is'nt in the game he just going through the motions. I know its possible for a parent not to love their child otherwise i wouldn't worry. i know he never leave us and he will take care of us but but just having a parent is not the same as having a loving parent.
Also i usually can read him like a book but with this it's different i just cant. I want him to come to love him on hiswn and not because i want him to just to make me happy.
Thank you happy wife i actually have been doing that for a couple months now i think my outburst a couple weeks ago was just my crazy hormones a flying. i just couldn't keep how i felt to my self any longer and i exploded im actually so much better abt explain stuff to him but ya i just lost it no screaming just crying and stuff.
But since the whole thing i will just watch a baby video in front of him and let him watch it if he wants to or while reading tell him a interesting fact i think he would like to know. once in a while ill send him a link abt daddy's to be and how they feel to his email. i tell him if he has any concerns or questions to ask me if he wants to. I am just gonna keep it up and pray for best out come.
I was trying to send you a private message....but can't seem to get it figured out. Your story is very similiar to mine and I was hoping to share some of my own story with you.
Anyway....my point...
My boyfriend was very much the same way, probably because he felt exactly the same way as your husband. He didn't really want kids....this was an unplanned pregnancy.
He has come a long way (I am now 36 weeks) to a place of exceptance and actually being happy about this baby.
It takes time and it is very hard for us (as the women) to understand why they are not responding the exact same way we are....in the exact same time frame. I think men process things differently and I think they except things in there own way--in their own time.
Instead of stressing yourself out so much over his lack of interest....just focus on yourself and the well-being of your precious baby boy. Sadly....there is no way to know if he will ever come around. But I am betting a LOT of men start out feeling the way your husband (and my boyfriend) does....eventually they grow to love their children.
Make a pregnancy ticker
Thank u so much for the encouraging words. I am trying to focuse on baby and mines health i just dont want him to come to regret he wasnt a bigger part of his sons begging when he does see and hold and fall in love with him. he is a good guy just still having a hard time not acting single and having tight grip on his wallet lol. it dont help he lives with his over bearing mother that spoils him and acts like he is 10 still. it makesmy job as a wife hard. its like he stuck in lil boy faze. im his wife not his mother u know i guess in a way we take over the mother to a point but still there should be a point i know it will get better when we move in togther.
oh the reason he lives with his mom is well he did when we got married he lives in canada and its pretty expensive there no one really leaves there parents unless they marry or get a very good job. well im stuck here till baby comes and we get his ssn and stuff to do visa paperwork. so he comes down like fri-mon sometimes tue. and goes back to work and make some money. he is a hard worker and that one thing tha attracted me to him. im just a worry wart and now with my motions being crazed the two just dont go well together lol. i know he will love his son. in time at least. like u said just gotta give him time and space.
My fianc had the initial shock, then he had one day right after i found out that he was just freakin out going "We cant let this happen..." But now im 21 weeks and its all evened out.
It helps having a partner who has the same fears and concerns for the same reasons and youre kinda workin alone there. And oh em gee I know those moms can be such a pain. One of my biggest goals as a mother of a boy is already "Dont turn into one of THOSE!" Im determined to raise a man, not a manboy lol
Anyway good luck and keep in mind that from what I heard your guys fears are pretty normal as far as guys go. I hope it all goes well for you and you already sound like ur in good shape to be better than where you cane from.
but said i didnt want one pass 25 cause of down syndrom prob being higher after that
..........................
Source?
It sounds like you guys are dealing with some major life changes on multiple levels....not just with the baby?
Are you sure his mother is not influencing his attitude? (Not just his mother....but others in his family?) You don't want to find out someone is working 'against' your goal of bringing your family together....does that make sense? In the end,you can't really control what is being said/done during the time he is away from home....but being aware of it might help.
I understand that he might be close to his family....but at some point he is going to have to make the choice....his wife/son or his old life?
If you ever need to talk just send me a private message through my profile.
Make a pregnancy ticker
You live in Detroit and he lives in Canada.......with his mother?
What?
sorry its been a while since i got back to u guys. the source of that 25 and down syndrom i heard years ago so im not sure and i know its mostly after 35 but at the time when i heard that it scared me.
and yes having a mother inlaw that controls everything in his life and trying to do it tome is very frustrating espcially with how she does it. She does stuff or gets stuff for us as she tells us how things will be done or how we r going to do something so we cant be like um no thats not what we were thinking or go against it except be quiet so not be rude . everything she does for us comes with strings. its very irritating and she tries to act like his wife. the funny thing is she never listens to me and is rude abt ne thing i have to say but the second my husband says what i do shes like oh ok honey thats can work or we can do that im like why dont u do that more often? you should be more scared of upsetting me then her.
I am not suprised with it being not as hard getting a place there as here he tells me most of time what i wanna hear which i notice he does with his mom.
he is loving but just clueless, and can act like a lil by cause he has never been forced to grow up to be a man. his mommy just babies him and his sister. I was made to get a job and pay rent the sec i graduated hs that was the rule for every one. and iv been living on my own since a month b4 we got married but even in my house i was treated as a sec house hold as a adult. If i didnt wake up for work oh well. i had to be responsible for it all i even did my own cooking and laundry and everything and i never resented it.
oh and i have to apply for a visa just cause we r married does not mean i can go over there and live there. we have to wait till baby is here then do visa work for me and baby and when its accepted then we can move there with my husband and get a place his uncle might end up moving and renting his place out so we might rent it. he also is not alowed to live here unless i make so much to sponser him and i cant do that its well over what most peeps can make now a days.