When you think you're doing everything right (long)

EricaOO · February 2013

I got a positive OPK yesterday morning (could be ovulating today) before going to work. DH was already at work. I of course planned on having sex yesterday evening when we both got home. Throughout the day I drank tons of water and a cup of green tea. Not sure if it was adding in the green tea that made the difference, but I definitely produced EWCM. So I'm all excited about our timing and DH and I start having sex yesterday evening and then...nothing. He can't finish.... This happened one morning over the past weekend too but I assumed it was due to the drinks he had the night before.

It ended very awkwardly. We didn't have dinner together. He went to the bedroom and didn't speak to me the rest of the night. Embarrassed I'm sure. I want to give it a shot tonight but I'm afraid to bring it up, that I should let him initiate. Thoughts? I'm obviously very sad, disappointed, fearing that we're out this month, and somewhat worried that this will become an ongoing issue.

He very rarely had this problem prior to TTC which makes me think he feels the pressure to perform. Anyone else have this problem?

If today is in fact my O day, we did have sex (successfully..) on Sunday which would mean 3 days prior to O so I suppose I have a glimmer of hope.

tbird_1211 · February 2013

DH and I had a similar issue a while back. Turned out to be related to some medication he was on. Since he stopped taking it, no problems at all. Is he newly taking anything that could affect his ability?

Otherwise, it could just be the stress of TTC. DH has been a bit more stressed each month that we don't conceive. I've been trying to make it fun during FW and it's been helping. Try not to mention that it's FW and just make it sexy/fun and about the two of you. Try something new and sexy, new lingerie, music, etc to set the mood.

artistlife · February 2013

We had the same problem this past weekend. I let him know it was ok and we sat on the couch together and just cuddled, without mentioning it again. As we were laying there he started rubbing my back and it led to foreplay and another round of sex. That time no problem.

gscoville · February 2013

I agree with PPs, if you can not tell him it's baby making time it might help ease some pressure. Seduce him, wear something sexy, and just build up his 'manhood quotient' as much as you can.

This sounds terrible, but I usually don't worry too much about my own orgasm during FW sex and will actually fake it if I need to. Hubby is always very focused on whether or not I have one and will go to all lengths to make sure I get one, but sometimes by the time I have it he's lost his and just can't finish. So to keep his ego (and performance) intact, I make sure he feels like he's all man and he's rocked my world. Especially when we're having sex more frequently during our FW (we're usually more once a weekers), it's just a necessary evil to get in, get out, and get er done.

this1life · February 2013

calindi:
focusing on the sex rather than the semen, can help.

That is a great point Calindi! I try to do the same. We will spend some time before the "event" building up to it. Flirting, talking about what we want to do, getting grabby etc. I feel like it makes it more about how much we like to have sex as opposed to, "I need your sperm by days end, so give it to me".

I also don't tell my husband when my fertile week is, but he usually asks around CD 1 when I should expect ovulation roughly. We don't really talk about it after that.

EricaOO · February 2013

Thanks ladies, these are all helpful responses.

I had mentioned the FW a couple of days ago but tried not to continue to talk about it. I also tried to make it fun last night so he would not feel like it was purely just business

*Sigh* it sounds like you all do a good job in making your H feel desired and sexy. I should do more of that. Thanks so much!

beckynsean11 · February 2013

It's really difficult to figure out how to walk that super thin line between keeping them in the loop & applying pressure to perform. My DH is having similar issues. I say talk about last night, the only way to get the elephant out of the room is to address it(at least in my house). He probably feels really emasculated right now because he wasn't able to deliver the goods. He needs to be reminded that he's still sexy & manly, etc, etc. They have such fragile egos.

GL!

mathewsh · February 2013

krystlelynn212:
My husband has this issue too..he says its because he's tired from work. So usually if he can't he just can't and it doesn't have anything to do with FW. He doesn't get embarrassed about it because even if its in FW I make sure to let him know its ok..that I understand. It does upset me sometimes because my main goal for sex is to please him and if makes me feel like I'm not doing my job well enough so mostly he's reassuring me that its just him being worn out from the bulldozer or whatever. Needless to say I got no advice but just reassure him and don't make him feel bad about it.

Yes This

skinnykate9 · February 2013

We had the same issue last cycle. DH was definitely feeling the pressure. My plan going forward was to not tell him when I got a positive OPK, but he said he wanted to know. After we talked about it, we decided that during FW, I would wear a thong. I never wear them otherwise, and he loves them. It works well for us because it lets him know its an important time without actually having to say the words, plus he gets the bonus of me in a thong. He actually looks forward to my FW now.

CrayChristi · February 2013

guys are more sensitive than we think (especially about their junk). DH and I were talking about Easter and how it is just a bla holiday unless you're religious or have kids. He said he'd hide some eggs for me if I wanted. And I, because I am incapable of thinking before I speak said something about his sperm going on an egg hunt for a while now. I could tell I hurt his feelings. I don't think we did it that night.

beckynsean11 · February 2013

skinnykate9:
we decided that during FW, I would wear a thong. I never wear them otherwise, and he loves them. .

What a great idea! A sexy way to let him know!

EricaOO · February 2013

I love all your responses and it makes me feel better knowing this is not uncommon!

mabjcb19 · February 2013

It happens so don't get too frustrated but try to keep the fw business to yourself unless he asks. Tonight maybe don't tell him you want to hump but when he gets done with work do the playful flirty thing to get him all hot and bothered.

lrosy13 · February 2013

gscoville:
I agree with PPs, if you can not tell him it's baby making time it might help ease some pressure. Seduce him, wear something sexy, and just build up his 'manhood quotient' as much as you can.
This sounds terrible, but I usually don't worry too much about my own orgasm during FW sex and will actually fake it if I need to. Hubby is always very focused on whether or not I have one and will go to all lengths to make sure I get one, but sometimes by the time I have it he's lost his and just can't finish. So to keep his ego (and performance) intact, I make sure he feels like he's all man and he's rocked my world. Especially when we're having sex more frequently during our FW (we're usually more once a weekers), it's just a necessary evil to get in, get out, and get er done.

I would have written this exact same thing. Just focus on making it fun and don't tell him all of the details of your FW. He will feel a lot less pressured.

swirl25 · February 2013

beckynsean11:
skinnykate9:
we decided that during FW, I would wear a thong. I never wear them otherwise, and he loves them. .
What a great idea! A sexy way to let him know!

DH loves thongs and I'm just meh about them (never feel 100% comfy in them), but I do this as well -- always wear them during FW, or anytime I plan ahead and want to get him in the mood. Works each and every time!

Mrs+Me · February 2013

The same thing happens to us. We are still adjusting to how to time sex well during my FW. My DH has a low sex drive. before ttc we had sex once a week to every two weeks. I knew that EOD would be a HUGE stretch for us and so far in our three months ttc they have all been fails.

I love all of the other ladies advice and plan to try some of the same things this month. I just wanted to offer my support and let you know that you are not alone.

Nea2009 · February 2013

I try not to tell DH about timing but since we started trying he occasional cant finish either...pressure to perform is killer for him.

lp0 · February 2013

When we were trying for ds it kind of freaked dh out when I talked too much about cm and positive opk's so he asked me to just not mention it. I would sometimes mention that I was o'ing but usually I tried to keep it fun.

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