How do you incorporate step child with new baby?

Jbunny100 · February 2013

I have a 16 year old step daughter and my baby is due in just a couple weeks. I'm not to sure what role she should play in the beginning to keep her feeling important, but not driving me crazy. Any advice on what role she should play in the beginning?

cole2144 · February 2013

When my DS was born SD was 3 so not much help here. My advice is to let her help prepare in anyway she can. When the baby comes have her meet the baby before any other family. Ask for her help with the baby sometimes, it will make her feel needed and apart of things. We would always refer to DS as "your brother" when talking to her, it gave her a sense of ownership if you get what I am saying.

+just+j+ · February 2013

Have her help out, but don't be totally reliant on her to sit. She should have freedom to do her own thing and never feel burdened with sitting all the time. But ask her every once in a while to feed the baby, play with the baby while you cook dinner, etc. Even just asking her when she's coo-ing over the baby "Do you want to hold her?" Then tell her how good she is with the baby. Little things like that go a long way.

You should also make it a point to participate in the older daughter's events and activities. In a normal way. Don't make a big fuss over it - just be there equally for her and show her that she's important too.

Her dad should also check in with her and simply ask, "So how is it going having a new baby sister?" And then he should just let her talk, and LISTEN. Really listen. If she has an issue, she'll tell you. And if she knows dad's listening, she'll open up. If she has concerns, he should re-assure her, ask her what he can do make things good, and then follow up and DO the things he commits to and promises.

+just+j+ · February 2013

I have to add that it's important her father make a point to be involved and talk to his daughter because that's where she's going to feel jilted or jealous. At least that's how my SD re-acted. Maybe your SD won't...but it's a potential issue that may surprise you coming from an older sibling.

2chatter · February 2013

And only because I wish someone would have said this to me before I had DS....it is very possible your SD will not be into the baby, will never once coo over the baby, will not be interested in holding the baby, will not care what the baby is wearing, doing, etc. All we did was keep up the same level of "baby talk" and it did not help or hurt things. With older skids and a baby I think it's harder for them if they are not the nurturing, babysitting or play with little cousins, type. Skids here are not and I wish someone would have provided that scenario. It's been a year so now I am fine, but initially it was hard and DH was constantly on me about it "why do my kids seem to hate the baby?" at its worst and "they don't even ask to hold him or look at him" pretty much after every visit.

HisChamaoleGirl · February 2013

One of the other things we wanted to do with SS9 is help decorate the nursery. We have summer visitation so he will help prepare for baby but I will still be pregnant by the time he goes back to BM house. Thankfully this is our year with him for Christmas so we will get to spend the holiday as a family. SS is excited about painting the nursery and planning.

dannie2011 · February 2013

2chatter:
And only because I wish someone would have said this to me before I had DS....it is very possible your SD will not be into the baby, will never once coo over the baby, will not be interested in holding the baby, will not care what the baby is wearing, doing, etc. All we did was keep up the same level of "baby talk" and it did not help or hurt things. With older skids and a baby I think it's harder for them if they are not the nurturing, babysitting or play with little cousins, type. Skids here are not and I wish someone would have provided that scenario. It's been a year so now I am fine, but initially it was hard and DH was constantly on me about it "why do my kids seem to hate the baby?" at its worst and "they don't even ask to hold him or look at him" pretty much after every visit.

This, my older 4 are my bio kids, and when Alexis was born the oldest 2 didn't even want to come see her at the Hospital. They were 18 and 20, (both boys). The younger 2, 14 and 16 did come to the hospital to see her. They both coo'd over her but still did not want to hold her. My 16 year old was the only girl so she did like picking out outfits for her baby sister. Then her older brother(18) wanted in on picking outfits. They all moved at their own pace and it did take awhile before the actually held her.

AcousticSunrise · February 2013

SS was completely uninterested in DS when I was pregnant and for probably the whole first year. He's a teenage boy & just not in to babies. We tried to keep the baby talk to a minimum and made sure to remind SS how important to us he is. We told him that things would change and DS would get more attention only because babies are a lot more work then teens (in some ways.) Now that DS is older he and SS have become much closer. DS thinks SS is just the most amazing person ever and I think that helps as well. There is nothing better then watching the two of them together. It's really sweet.

How do you incorporate step child with new baby?

Re: How do you incorporate step child with new baby?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards