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May 2012 Moms
Frustrated!
I am wondering if anyone else has this problem.
We had our son on May 5th and he wasn't a planned baby but I'm at the age (28) that I was ready for kids. My now husband is (23) and wasn't sure he even wanted kids, we had a talk about waiting for 2 years to have a baby so we could buy a house etc, then 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.
Fast forward to now, our little man in 9 months old and I feel like I am picking up after 2 kids. My husband seems to have regressed. He was helpful when we first came home, helped with dinner, the baby etc.
Now It's like he feels like he lives in a frat house. Last night I came home from work (I work 2nd shift) and he had cut his hair in the bathroom, I asked if he picked it up he said yea sure did and I went to bed. I got up this morning after he left for work and went to the bathroom and his hair was all over the floor! His dinner for last night was still on the plate sitting on the counter in the kitchen, eaten he just couldn't walk the 10 feet to the garbage can, his work uniform is in a pile in the living room, the cans of formula are empty on the kitchen counter with the tin thrown on the stove. This morning he left his wet towel on the bedroom floor, he ran out of deoderant andd just threw the empty container on the bedroom floor saying he'd pick it up later. (thats what I hear all the time) He complains that he has no work uniforms but half the time I can't find them because he takes his clothes off all over and never puts them in the dang laundry basket.
I am so frustrated and do not know what to do. It's not worth saying anything to his mom because she takes his side constantly and thinks that I just don't know what I'm doing or what I'm talking about. I talk to him and tell him I need more help from him because if I'm not working I'm working at the house, I do all the laundry, dishes, cleaning, pay bills, etc without any help from him. He comes home from work takes off his work uniform sits on the couch and plays games on his computer or messes with his fish tank.
I am going crazy I don't feel like I get a break at all. I tried to go to the grocery store the other day and as soon as he found out I was leaving the baby with him (grocery store is 4 blocks away) he had to go with me so he didn't have to be home with the baby.
I hate to say it but sometimes I feel like a single mom with a room mate. I mean don't get me wrong he does good with him while I'm at work, gets him fed, puts him to bed, gives him a bath, etc, but half the time hes in a diaper on the living room floor sleeping rather than in his crib.
I have no idea what to do I have asked him for help but get the "I work so hard all day I'm tired when I get home" or "Babe I help you" Or he compares me to his mom which infuriates me to the point I just want to smack him because he thinks It's a big joke.
Any ideas? Helpful hints before I lose my mind?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Frustrated!
It sounds like he thinks/wishes you were his mom. He doesn't sounds like he's mature enough to take care of himself, the house, you, and the baby. Perhaps a household chore list? Does he realize how gross his habits are?
If it were me, I would take a tough love stance, but that doesn't work for everyone. If he can't put his clothes in the basket, they don't get washed. Too damn bad if he doesn't have clean work uniforms. I'd leave his dishes out until he's forced to do them.
I'd also be really pissed about the baby sleeping on the floor instead of in his crib. Seriously does he just let him play until he passes out on the floor? That's just plain lazy. Again, that's just my opinion so you should really take stock of how these things make you feel.
If something doesn't change what are you going to do?
Corbin | born 4.19.12
Baby boy #2 | due 4.13.15
How long were you married before you found out you were pregnant? It can be difficult if you didn't have time before kids to establish a household dynamic. Add a baby into the mix and there is a lot of room for confusion, resentment, etc.
To be 100% honest, you have to talk to him and communicate these things to get on the same shared page. He is young, but my DH and I were the same age when we were married and communication has always been at the root of our success as a married couple. Talk to each other first, not his mom, your mom or anyone else.
Decide the things that would help you feel less frustrated and relay to him that those are the things you need help with. And do it from a place of love -- he is your baby's father and your husband. Tell him the things he does right and that you appreciate before you lay into him.
Ugh; this is my husband exactly. His mother spoiled the heck out of him and never made the kids do ANYTHING. His sister is 22 and still living at home, not going to school, with no plans to do anything with her life beyond the next time she plans to dye her hair a weird color. Irritates me.
DH has gotten better recently because we had a huge discussion (rather he sat and listened while I paced and vented everything I was feeling) about how I needed more help. Now he knows he has to help me more, not just for me but also for his bond with our daughter. I think you need to pull him aside and have an adult discussion even thought he's not acting like one, cause he should be.
And to the bold...yes,yes YES!
Just because YOUR men are stupid, doesn't make MEN stupid. I hate when women say that. I have a wonderful, mature man who works from home and takes care of my LO while I'm at work. He also pitches in with household things that I put on a list for him. And he knows I wouldn't put up with the crap that you let your men get away with.
You married a man who is 23. Many men at that age are not mature enough for marriage, let alone children. I agree with the tough love. I can't do laundry that isn't in a basket and I can't wash dishes that aren't in a sink. He needs to take responsibility for himself. You need to teach people how to treat you. If you let him get away with this stuff and fix his mistakes, of course he's going to keep doing it.
Oh relax, it's a vent. Obviously we don't REALLY think they are stupid or we wouldn't be with them would we? He says stupid things sometimes and can make stupid decisions but at the end of the day he has my back, loves us and works hard to provide for us. Again, it's a vent. Point is OP if you want him to change something, let him know. There's a good chance he doesn't know it's REALLY bothering you this much.
LOL. This sounds a lot like what my husband went through at first. I had friends and family saying that he was going through pp depresion because my life was no longer all about him. Things have balanced out for us now, thank god.