I called the cops - still in shock.
Princess_Lily
member
So, we had a meltdown in public today. I decided to address it though by picking him up off the middle garage floor (because he wouldn't walk) and brought him to the car carrying him under my strong arm - he didn't eat any breakfast and rarely will have a meltdown (last one was in mid-December), but I think it was the "Perfect Storm" for his meltdown IMHO.
I placed him into the carseat, gave him some graham crackers & apple juice and told him quietly that, "DS when we get home you will be in a timeout."
Before I backed out, I noticed someone blocked me in (concrete wall in my front & her car behind me).
Originally I thought it was because she needed a parking space and as I was closing the door I heard, "HEY!" I figured that she would see my back-up lights and back up. As I put the car in reverse the lady wouldn't leave! It was a driver and two 20-something girls.
I opened the door and asked if she was alright and if I could help her with anything. She said in a mean tone, "Are YOU alright?!? I DON'T LIKE HOW YOUR HANDLING THAT BOY!" I told her, "Ma'am, if you don't back up, I will call the police on you." She refused to back up, and I closed & locked all of the doors & called the cops. In the middle of the call to the police, she pulled up for whatever reason and I wrote down her plate number and car style just in case she ran off.
I was praying to not make my story on the news. I was praying for these psychos to leave me alone, I stayed in my locked car.
When the cops came and I explained how DS is prone to tantrums on occasion and that I have proof of this & his therapy letter, I expressed how I was handling the tantrum the best I could, and went into detail how I handled it. I NEVER ONCE hit him!
His response, "Ma'am I'm sorry you went through this, you seem like a perfectly reasonable person and a good parent. Trust me, I'm a parent too, I know you just are doing the best you can. Your name? Your number? Okay thanks, your free to go." He went to the lady who gave her story.
This lady told the cops that she has been a victim of abuse and didn't want my child to be seen on the morning news because she didn't call to what she saw as an abuse - regardless of why, even though the cop explained. I never laid a hand on my child.
I was in tears, because I know we are all just doing the best we can. He is quite young and due to his sensory is prone to meltdowns moreso than other peers his age. I'm not excusing his behavior, by any means, but I would never dream of confronting a child's parents like I was confronted. I felt like a trapped animal, and I just wanted to protect my child, I knew by confronting it would only insight them.
I'm still in shock.
I've never heard of this ever happen.
DS's dx: Sensory Issues relating to Tactile & Noise (Difficult with crowds/lines, prone to transitional difficulties, issues with loud music) and mild speech delay
Re: I called the cops - still in shock.
On the other hand I am glad that their are people in this world who will stand up to a parent because the fact is kids do get abused and no one speaks up for them. Since she was abused she was a probably a little more sensitive to it than she should be...
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, just in the course of addressing parenting challenges that other people simply don't get.
I hope the talk with the police officer makes her think twice before taking out her own personal issues on another parent.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
I am so sorry. I would have been so upset if it had been me in your shoes.
You did the right thing.
Thanks Auntie & everyone for the kind words.
It was a two headed coin talking with the police officer and I told him that I understood that she is responding to a child in distress, I know how crazy the meltdowns could look, and at the same time I felt very threatened by the manner in which she responded so instead of reasoning with someone who IMO couldn't be reasoned with, I called a police officer. They are good with meditations. He tried to talk to her after he spoke with me and even he said that he couldn't even reason with her, and calling was the best thing to do.
Its funny you said that now is the time to see an increase in tantrums, because we are noticing a rise in them within the past week or so...we can't really reason with him as well as we used to, but tantrums haven't been as bad as they were today.
I still can redirect...it takes more effort & planning but it can be done. I also plan on discussing these concerns with his OT on Wednesday, maybe she knows ways to cope with his increase in tantrums in public as he gets older, but I think she'll say just to stay consistant and he will get the hang of it.
Another way we were taught to handle public meltdowns, was to stay in the location you are having one - of course bring him to a safe spot - and tell him he cannot leave until he is ready to walk like a big boy.
My sister had CPS called on her when my niece was 4 because she was throwing a tantrum in the check out line wanting a candy bar. She started hitting and kicking my sister so she left her buggy and took her to the car and left the store without her groceries. The next day CPS came by because someone reported her for carrying her out of the store while she was screaming and kicking and hitting my sister. I guess they just assumed my sister was going to take her home and beat her or something. Of course, the case was closed because my sister had done nothing wrong.
I think you did the right thing.
What a crappy situation you found yourself in. I think you handled it well, and I agree with this poster too. In a weird way it is comforting to know that people do have their eyes and ears open. It kind of means that your little guy has people in his corner aside from you.
I think I need to get back to the basics here!! Thank you for pointing this book out. DS is very independent, however he also thrives in structure. He enjoys figuring out problems himself...I find if I am more controlling of his environment - it backfires.
We have been using the "basket system" for months as per our OT advised, and I guess reverted back to our "old ways."
Basket A: We have a zero tolerance for hitting/kicking/smacking. This never happens, but when it does (we place him into an immediate time out). He doesn't seem to be the one to start the fight, from what I could gather it is a direct response to another hitting him (due to a toy, whatever).
Basket B: We also have used transitional methods (visual & verbal - with 2 minute warnings. We do have to talk him through transitions when he doesn't want to leave things he enjoys - ie. Nana's house.
Basket B: We give him choices with clothing/shoes, and even foods.
I'm sorry; what an upsetting situation. From what you described I don't see how she had any reason to report you. It's common for kids that age to have tantrums and it doesn't sound like you did anything unreasonable or even unusual by removing the child from the situation. It is good that people are willing to stand up for kids who *are* being abused but I just don't understand what was concerning her about how you handled the situation.
At any rate, I'm glad the officer handled it well and it got resolved. I hope you're able to figure out strategies that work well with him.