Help getting DH on board TTC

VPR1985 · February 2013

Hi Ladies,

I am a long time lurker of this board and I wanted to ask you all for your opinion and some advice.

DH and I have been married for over 3 years, been together for 7. We are both in our late 20's, have great jobs, a house, no cc debt, 2 cars, and 1 student loan. I have had BOTB for as long as I can remember. With that being said...

I know the statistics are pretty much against the average couple when TTC each month. I have been on (and still on) BCP for 10 years. I would like to go off the pill and start charting. DH is adamant against this. He is in the mindset we will easily get pregnant immediately off of the pill. I am very, very skeptical of that happening. Besides knowing the odds, more of my friends and family than not tried a very long time to get pregnant. I am not in denial about the challenges of getting pregnant! If anything, I think deep down I have a feeling that it may take awhile and secretly preparing for that!

I am trying to convince DH that BCP isn't the right choice for me/us any longer and I can't get him on board to throw them out and start charting. He is a fantastic man and wonderful husband. I don't know if he's just not quite ready or getting cold feet? We see eye to eye on almost everything besides this and I'm quite pessimistic about continuing on the pill. I've brought up how I really haven't ovulated in 10 years, my cycle will be wonky, it will take awhile to get regular, etc.

Now that I've reread that I think I'm not even sure what I'm asking..I guess I just want some opinions and advice on how I should go about this with DH. I've brought up the 20% each month and I've read TCOYF twice and discussed it all in length with DH. I just need to know how to get DH on board and make him realize that I don't want to wait forever before TTC. We have such a fun, loving and healthy marriage in every other aspect and this is on my mind all the time anymore.

If you got this far, thank you ladies. I hope you can give me some feedback.

modernfairytale8709 · February 2013

Its definitely important for you to be on the same page. Have him watch The Great Sperm Race, it really put things in perspective for my DH. It's available on YouTube in a 3 part series.

Welcome, and good luck.

krdesi · February 2013

If you don't want to be taking bcp, then don't. Your husband can't force it on you and you can use other birth control methods for now, while you get your cycle on track and start charting. That way when he is on board with ttc, then you and your body will be ready.

jschwind22 · February 2013

You sound exactly like me 3 and 4 years ago. Sounds to me like your H isn't ready, and I also was ready for a long time before my H was. Although it certainly could take some time, there's a chance that it could happen right away. You shouldn't be trying to convince him that it is ok because it probably won't happen right away anyways. If you are interested in getting off the pill, maybe explore another type of non-hormonal birth control until he is on board? Good luck.

LindsayNicole01 · February 2013

First I would just like to say that before you start TTC you both should be on the same page. With that being said, you could go off BCP and use condoms to TTA while you chart and regulate your cycles. That would help you in terms of learning your body and seeing if you are ovulating and hopefully identifying any problems before you start TTC. Maybe if you discuss this option with him he would be on board. It's worth a shot.

ETA: so apparently my post went through after a bunch of other people responded...oh well

VPR1985 · February 2013

modernfairytale8709:
Its definitely important for you to be on the same page. Have him watch The Great Sperm Race, it really put things in perspective for my DH. It's available on YouTube in a 3 part series.
Welcome, and good luck.

I've never heard of that! Thank you for the advice.

VPR1985 · February 2013

I think condoms would be a great option. I know it is MY body, but it is also a decision where we have to be on the same page. I don't want to get pregnant if DH isn't ready. I want him to want it as much as I do. Hope that makes sense.

I really appreciate hearing everything though. I love the different opinions and options you're suggesting!

LuClo · February 2013

Have you asked and listened about WHY your dh doesn't want kids yet? Does he not want them ever, or is his timeline just different than yours? Maybe he's enjoying some of the fun and flexibility that's in your marriage right now?

Its fine to go off bc there are lots of good reasons to. But its not okay to try and convince DH that there's no risk, while it sounds like you're kind of banking on it working.

mrspharmd · February 2013

I ovulated the same month I stopped taking my BCP. But I charted and temped and used OPKs to TTA for 5 months so my body could get used to being off the pill and so I could get used to the process when we were ready to TTC. It's your body and charting really helps you understand it and your cycle. I knew when I was fertile so we avoided sex. I also noticed my LP was 10 to 11 days so I was able to start supplementing with B6 to help with that. I definitely feel very knowledgable about my body and felt very ready when it came time to TTC. Check out FF, its great! GL!

JuliaH21 · February 2013

If you and/or DH don't like condoms, my last BC was the copper IUD and I liked that a lot better than the pill or nuva ring because hormones trigger migraines for me. Your body will still have a chance to start ovulating again and you'll be able to chart and learn about yourself. I just started charting this cycle and think it is great and something everyone should do to learn all sorts of things about themselves.

lp0 · February 2013

This sounds similar to me and my dh a few years ago. I was ready a good two years before he was. We agreed that I would come over bcp's but still didn't try for about 6 months. Then I had a ridiculously long cycle (about 65 days) and the dr sent me for a bunch of tests. That scared him and put into reality that we may not get pregnant right away. We started ttc but he didn't like to talk about when I was o'ing or any other details (I think it put to much pressure on him and sucked the fun out of sex). It took 6 cycles to get pregnant.

In retrospect he says he doesn't know why he was so freaked out about the idea of having a baby but now realizes it was the best decision of his life. He is an amazing father! Your dh will get there too but just take baby steps with him and always make decisions together. GL!

VPR1985 · February 2013

JuliaH21:
If you and/or DH don't like condoms, my last BC was the copper IUD and I liked that a lot better than the pill or nuva ring because hormones trigger migraines for me. Your body will still have a chance to start ovulating again and you'll be able to chart and learn about yourself. I just started charting this cycle and think it is great and something everyone should do to learn all sorts of things about themselves.nbsp;

This sounds like something ill look into. I would really like my body to try to get back to some normalcy. DH does want children, but like I said, he is under the assumption it will happen 9 months after I stop taking the pill. I have always been the planner and I think that's why I am thinking long term. I hate not knowing, suspense and surprises!

I'm glad to hear some of you also were ready before your husbands. It gives me some reassurance that he'll come around in his own time. In the meanwhile I'll begin to pursue other BC options besides the pill :

Magriet · February 2013

No advice on getting YH on board for anything, but I fell pregnant RIGHT after I stopped taking the pill, so it does happen.

victoria+james · February 2013

I was ready before DH and when I quit the BCP we had talked thoroughly about it and he was onboard before I stopped. I explained my reasons for wanting to quit... start charting, let my body regulate, and I had a low libido while on the pill. I told him we would still TTA but that I had been the only one in charge of birth control for the past 6 years in our relationship and it was his turn to help and start using condoms.

At first we used condoms every time but after my first chart we decided to try using them just around my fertile week. We both know the risk and are still TTA until April but we're ok if there is an "oops" between now and then.

My point is that if you really want to quit the pill you should, just make sure YH is aware of your reasoning and is prepared to use a different method of BC. And hopefully this will get him thinking about a family as well so when your body regulates you'll both be ready!

VPR1985 · February 2013

You ladies are honestly a wealth of information. I hope you'll all welcome me when we do TTC. I'll keep you posted. Thank you so much and I wish you all the best in your journeys too!!

mythaldo · February 2013

Everyone gave the great advice already. I just wanted to chime in and say that I went off BCPs in Dec. and I'm just charting and temping before we really start trying, and I think your husband will understand if you want to make sure that you understand your body. My cycles have been totally different from before I went on BCPs in high school, so it's been a huge learning process for me. We're still using condoms until we get this giant house project out of the way, but it feels good to know that I can temp and chart to help my odds when the time comes.

VPR1985 · February 2013

mythaldo:
Everyone gave the great advice already. I just wanted to chime in and say that I went off BCPs in Dec. and I'm just charting and temping before we really start trying, and I think your husband will understand if you want to make sure that you understand your body. My cycles have been totally different from before I went on BCPs in high school, so it's been a huge learning process for me. We're still using condoms until we get this giant house project out of the way, but it feels good to know that I can temp and chart to help my odds when the time comes.

That's the thing! I don't really remember my cycles in HS except once when it was 35 days and I was so sure and positive I was pregnant. I mean, how could I not be? I was taking health class and they said your periods are 28 days apart!! Wink

I'm really excited because I also want to know my body better. Before reading TCOYF I thought the CM changing every cycle meant YI, UTIs, and all of that. I am so glad my eyes were already opened a little and I hope that I can really understand my body by the time we actually TTC.

HoneyBunny13 · February 2013

Yes, definitely just use condoms. That is what we are doing. Our wedding isn't for over 2 months and I am charting. Using protection takes care of his fears and the charting lets you figure out what's going on with your body. You definitely need him on board before TTC. I know waiting sucks. I feel like I've been waiting forever and still have almost 6 months to go bare minimum, but both you both being ready is absolutely necessary.

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