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Spoiling my baby? *slightly frustrated mama*

bonchat21bonchat21
in Babies: 3 - 6 Months
I am a brand new mom of a beautiful three month old baby girl whom I love more than I can say. I am a mostly stay at home mom and am a part time student finishing up my degree. My big problem was over this weekend when my husband and DD and I went home for a short visit. My DD has a very secure, small world although we try to get out at least a few times a week. I have no problem letting others hold her (as long as they are healthy) and she lets other people hold her for a little bit but usually after a few minutes she cries wants to come back to me. She stops crying immediately when she knows Mama has her. I don't see this as an issue, but apparently a lot of people do. Just about everyone that she cried on this last time said "Oh, your mom must be holding you too much and spoiling you." I think  most of them meant it as a joke, but it's a little hard to read into that sometimes. One of my sisters actually was serious and said shame on me for holding her when she cries and if she was her child she would just leave her until she stopped crying! Another person said I should just let her cry with someone else even though she has tears streaming down her face and is screaming at the top of her lungs. (I took my baby back of course.)Yes, I do hold my daughter and play with her, but I also try to let her play alone for a little bit and when she starts fussing we change activity. If she still cries I hold her and take care of her. The fact is that she is only three months old, and if she is crying then I am not just going to leave her!!!! I just was so frustrated with hearing that I am "spoiling" my baby!
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Re: Spoiling my baby? *slightly frustrated mama*

  • twinklefairytwinklefairy
    look she is your baby and its natural to want to hold your baby alot when its your first, i did it, and well you just cant help it. i will also say you will realise that everyone has an opinion on how you should raise your child and they cant stop themselves from telling you. it used to bug me and i got upset cos well being a first time mum you feel insecure and wonder if your doing things right. but now im on my second and im like 'oh really is that how you would do it? thats nice but im doing it like this' . botom line. enjoy doing it, dont let anyone make you feel guilty of enjoying your baby, sure you will give her attention. you might be setting yourself up for harder work in the future but its natural what you are doing and we all learn as we go along. enjoy spoiling your first. now im on my second i dont have the same time its too hectic and i feel sad i cant enjoy him the same. just tell them all to sod off!!!!!!!
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  • irishprincess135irishprincess135

    I'm in the same boat! FTM of a beautiful baby girl who cries every time someone other than me holds her. My mom said she is just going through a mommy phase where only mommy can make her happy! She also told me it'll end quickly and to enjoy it while I can! She'll go to other people soon enough so snuggle and love her now! 

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  • pumpkinhead4pumpkinhead4 member
    This is a phase, my LO was sort of like this a few months back. Then they go through it again in a few months and off/on until who knows! You can't spoil a baby with cuddling and holding and letting them feel secure, some babies just need to be held more and that's OK. They don't stay babies forever, remember?! You could always wear her if you don't want to always hold her in your arms and also in public it's a good excuse to not let anyone else hold her. You are her Mom, trust YOUR instincts and ignore the rest.
    6 & 2 year old, 2 losses
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  • dmhrn13dmhrn13 member
    I am going through this exact thing. One of my co-workers even went so far as to say my baby had "anxiety issues". I seriously almost punched her. Then when we are at family functions my DH says "go out of the room, if she see's you she's going to want you", I'm like yeah, and? Why on earth is it a problem for a little baby to perfer her mother over strangers? Screw them! I had to put DH in check too!
    TTC since 1/2008
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    FET 9/3/2013 BFN, no more frosties
    IVF # 3 11/3/13 Canceled after retrieval d/t severe OHSS, 3 frosties
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  • grangerizegrangerize member
    People are idiots. Cuddle your little peanut while you still can and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it!
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  • gingerfamilygingerfamily member

    A baby cannot be spoiled.  Most people say this b/c they don't know what else to say.  Ignore it and move on.

     

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  • ctj82ctj82 member

    As long as you don't have a problem spoiling and holding your baby all the time, then go for it! I don't know any 18 year old that needs to be held by their mom all day, so your LO will definitely outgrow it and you'll miss these days.

    I used to be so frustrated that my LO would only sleep on top of me, and now I miss it (sometimes)!!

    If on the other hand, it is bothering you and you need a break, then you could also practice having other people hold her so she gets used to others.  For example, my husband gets frustrated that my DD only wants me, so I make sure she gets daddy time when she's in a good mood like right after a nap and feeding.   

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  • OctoberherewecomeOctoberherewecome

    I am gearing up for our first visit home and worrying about this. Good for you for holding her!

    I also just heard a study on npr talking about babies (toddlers, but still) who are quickly calmed by their mothers having a strong attachment and therefore being better emotionally adjusted long term.

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  • MattysGirl81MattysGirl81 member
    You are NOT spoiling your child by holding her when she cries!!  Oh my goodness this makes me sad.  It's totally natural that she wants to be held by you and isn't always happy going to other people.  DS was like that when he was little (even with DH unfortunately) and now he's a happy, outgoing 3.5 year old with no attachment issues whatsoever.  Going to your baby and picking her up with she cries will actually help her feel more secure as she gets older, and she will be more comfortable with other people than babies who were left to cry as infants.
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  • lexmtownlexmtown

    imageLalaMama81:
    imagekbruington:
    DO NOT listen to these people. I repeat, do not listen to these people. They are just upset because your baby cried when they were holding her so they blame you. You absolutely cannot spoil your baby right now so ignore their crap :
    This. I hope your sister doesn't have kids.

    I got the same crap from other people when my LO was 3 months old.  Do not listen to them.  You cannot spoil your baby at this age, and you need to enjoy this while it lasts.  LO is now fine with multiple people holding him, but eventually he usually wants to come back to me...maybe that's because I am the one who takes care of him and is around all of the time, it has nothing to do with spoiling him.  And when I CAN spoil him...I probably will. :) 

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  • bonchat21bonchat21
    Thanks everyone for the replies! It's hard enough as it is to constantly wonder if I am doing things right, and then to hear things like "spoiling your baby" on top of it is killer! I am keeping in mind that my baby is happy and healthy and is secure so even if I mess it up a bit at least I am doing the very best I can.
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