It's nice that people are offering to throw you a second shower. and it's really up to you whether or not to take that offer. But, when I got invited to a shower for a second kid, i was annoyed and thought it was tacky.
I don't think there is anything wrong with having a shower for your second child. I am pregnant with my second child as well (a girl) and also have a 2 y.o. son. No one threw a baby shower for us with him and I doubt anyone will offer for our daughter. However, if someone offered I would gladly accept a shower for #2. I don't see why people think it is so tacky/rude to have a shower for subsequent children.
I don't think there is anything wrong with having a shower for your second child. I am pregnant with my second child as well (a girl) and also have a 2 y.o. son. No one threw a baby shower for us with him and I doubt anyone will offer for our daughter. However, if someone offered I would gladly accept a shower for #2. I don't see why people think it is so tacky/rude to have a shower for subsequent children.
It's rude because the purpose of a "shower" is to buy a new mom gifts and welcome her into motherhood. It's not rude to have a party to celebrate a new life, there's a difference.
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To each their own. I think it is old-fashioned to deem a 2nd shower as rude. Most expectant mother's aren't throwing out the idea that they only want gifts when having a shower. A baby shower is about gathering with your friends/family to celebrate a new life, it is not about how many gifts you can rack up. I'm 30 and have known many women who have had showers for subsequent children, the attendees did not think it rude. Instead they enjoyed the party for what it is, a celebration.
A shower is for gifts. That's its purpose, that's why its called a shower - because you shower the MTB with stuff.
A party is a party, anyone can host a party for a new baby. There is a vast difference. Some people (myself included) will bring a gift to a Meet the Baby party but its not mandatory.
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To each their own. I think it is old-fashioned to deem a 2nd shower as rude. Most expectant mother's aren't throwing out the idea that they only want gifts when having a shower. A baby shower is about gathering with your friends/family to celebrate a new life, it is not about how many gifts you can rack up. I'm 30 and have known many women who have had showers for subsequent children, the attendees did not think it rude. Instead they enjoyed the party for what it is, a celebration.
Not really. What you are describing is a "Meet The Baby" party-- which I don't think that anyone would say that a MTB party was rude for a 2nd time mom.
In contrast, showers are strictly gift giving events.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
My aunt threw my DC area shower for DS, and when I told her we were expecting #2 she said "oh, good, another excuse for me to throw a fun shower!" I laughed and said "oh, no, thank you but we don't have room in our house for anything else!"
My hope is that she'll drop it entirely. If she doesn't, I'll suggest a sip n see after baby gets here.
There are ways to 'celebrate' baby that don't involve being showered with gifts (again).
To each their own. nbsp;I think it is oldfashioned to deem a 2nd shower as rude. Most expectant mother's aren't throwing out the idea that they only want gifts when having a shower. nbsp;A baby shower is about gathering with your friends/family to celebrate a new life, it is not about how many gifts you can rack up. I'm 30 and have known many women who have had showers for subsequent children, the attendees did not think it rude. Instead they enjoyed the party for what it is, a celebration. nbsp;nbsp;
A baby shower is to SHOWER the mother to be. Its not about celebrating the baby that isn't even born yet. Thats a meet the baby party. A shower is strictly to give gifts.
I agree with the majority of the other pps. A shower is to shower the new MTB wtih gifts so she'll be able to take care of the baby when she/he arrives. It is not a celebration of the baby...that can ONLY happen once the baby is born (well unless you're into celebrating fetus'). It is not just a get-together to hang out with friends...that would not be called a "shower". I've been invited to a 2nd shower and I certainly gave the side-eye but went since I was a friend...but I have to say that other friends also gave the side-eye. Some people mentioned "gift grabby" and I can certainly see why since we had just gone to a shower for this person a couple of years before.
If you want to have a shower and someone offers...just make it a sprinkle (which is like a mini-shower I suppose). Different guests then the first shower, except maybe your mom and MIL, no registration, no games, and most gifts are diapers and outfits. I guess you know your crowd so if it is the norm then say yes...but I'd still keep it toned down. I'm thinking it is not that common in your circle or you wouldn't be asking a group of strangers on the internet.
Personally I think guests would prefer a "Meet the Baby Party" for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies so they get to actually see the baby. Not much fun to watch MTB open a bunch of packages of diapers and wipes...kwim?
When I was pg with #2, one of my friends was very eager to plan and have another baby shower for me. I politely but firmly declined. I had two reasons:
1) I knew that no matter how the invite was worded, people would know it was a baby shower and would feel like they had to bring a gift. I just felt uncomfortable with the whole thing.
2) I already owned practically every baby product imaginable, most of which were still in fine shape, despite the fact that my kids are 4 years apart and I had both a pink and a blue kid. There was a lot of stuff the first time around that I wound up never using. Honestly, I just didn't want to add to the clutter in my home.
My best college friends did a cool thing, though. At our regular girls' night out close to my EDD, they surprised me with a little mini celebration of having a boy. They each bought me one baby boy outfit. It was a nice way to acknowledge the expansion of my family without going overboard.
In our church, it's customary to throw a shower for your first baby that you've had since being at the church. We moved here when my son was an infant, so when my daughter was due, the ladies threw me a shower. Still in the idea of "firsts". I would vehemently refuse one this time (#3) but I really don't think anyone would suggest it this time.
Some people offer because they think they should...it's hard to discern. If two people have offered, I would politely decline. If they insist, as others said, I'd keep it very small.
Showers are typically for first time mothers to welcome her into motherhood. Some would give leeway for the babies being far apart in age (yours are not) or different genders (I don't see this as a valid exception), or if this is the husband's first child, but most on here will say "No" to second showers.
if people have offered, I would attempt to decline, as you should still have everything from your first child that can be reused. If they insist, I would- like others have suggested- keep it very small, do not register, and make sure nobody from your first shower- save your mother or MIL- is invited to this one.
I promise you, they may offer because they think they should, but I know very few people that really really waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to throw showers. It ends up being a couple hundred dollars out of pocket and a lot of stress. We do it for those we love, but come on, it's kind of a PITA.
That being said, to go back to my OP,
Scenario #1: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable having another shower so soon after having one for DD/DS."
"Really? You're sure?"
"Yup, I'm sure...thank you so much for offering though, it's very thoughtful!"
Scenario #2: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable having another shower so soon after the one for DD/DS"
"Oh come on..people want to celebrate!"
"I know and I'm super excited for the new baby to meet everyone after it's born, but I really don't need another shower. Once s/he is here, I can't wait to have a get together so everyone can come celebrate and meet him/her!"
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I promise you, they may offer because they think they should, but I know very few people that really really waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to throw showers. It ends up being a couple hundred dollars out of pocket and a lot of stress. We do it for those we love, but come on, it's kind of a PITA.
That being said, to go back to my OP,
Scenario #1: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable having another shower so soon after having one for DD/DS."
"Really? You're sure?"
"Yup, I'm sure...thank you so much for offering though, it's very thoughtful!"
Scenario #2: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable having another shower so soon after the one for DD/DS"
"Oh come on..people want to celebrate!"
"I know and I'm super excited for the new baby to meet everyone after it's born, but I really don't need another shower. Once s/he is here, I can't wait to have a get together so everyone can come celebrate and meet him/her!"
All of this.
And BallSox, your DS is too adorable for words. Love the hat!
And BallSox, your DS is too adorable for words. Love the hat!
Thanks. He went on a spree where he wouldn't take it off ever.
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I see no problem with it. There are no hard and fast rules for this stuff. If someone is offering to throw you one, I think it is more rude to say that you were told online that 2nd showers are rude. If it is okay with your circle of friends and family, who cares what anyone else thinks?
I'm pregnant with my second and we are going to throw a party with a few close friends and family members. We are not throwing a "meet the baby" party because I know from the last time that I will not be in the mood to entertain AT ALL for months after this second child is born. We will instead say that, even though my children will be four years apart, no gift are needed. We will not be registered. We will, however, be celebrating the new edition to our family with people who care about us and the coming child.
Do I care what anyone who is not invited to this party thinks? Hell, no. Some people won't be happy no matter what you do, you might as well enjoy yourself.
I've been to second showers with gifts and have no problem with them. Not everyone plans to have another kid, has them close together or has the same sex...I mean what the hell do you do if the second pregnancy is twins? Do you say, "No, I heard online it's tacky. I'm not a new mother so I won't be needing that double stroller, even though you've offered to throw me a party and buy me one."
Sorry, but that's ridiculous.
Do you not have a nice wedding because you've been married once before? I suppose some might be anal and insist that you shouldn't...but who cares about those people really? Special events are to be celebrated. If someone doesn't want to celebrate, it is very simple?they do not have to come.
If it is okay with your circle of friends and family, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Do I care what anyone who is not invited to this party thinks? Hell, no. Some people won't be happy no matter what you do, you might as well enjoy yourself.
If someone doesn't want to celebrate, it is very simple?they do not have to come.
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I've been to second showers with gifts and have no problem with them. Not everyone plans to have another kid, has them close together or has the same sex...I mean what the hell do you do if the second pregnancy is twins? Do you say, "No, I heard online it's tacky. I'm not a new mother so I won't be needing that double stroller, even though you've offered to throw me a party and buy me one."
Sorry, but that's ridiculous.
Do you not have a nice wedding because you've been married once before? I suppose some might be anal and insist that you shouldn't...but who cares about those people really? Special events are to be celebrated. If someone doesn't want to celebrate, it is very simple?they do not have to come.
How fricking entitled can one person be? I don't think anyone could cram any more spoiled into one English sentence.
The first thing you do is be prepared to buy your own stroller. The second thing you do is realize that no one has EVER said to themselves "Well, I really want to buy her a double stroller, but since she said she's not having a shower, I guess I can't buy her one."
What is so hard to grasp about this? If people want to buy you a present, they are going to do so even if you don't have a party. There exists no laws that say "Thou shalt only give gifts if forced to sit through a baby shower." But it goes back to the first thing you should do----be prepared to buy your own baby stuff on your own. You made the baby, not me. I very likely will want to buy you a present, but I like doing it on my own, not because I'm being guilted into it.
Little Man (4 years old---holy cow) He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I am in the camp of no second showers. It clearly isn't the norm for your circle, otherwise you wouldn't ask a group of strangers. I would politely decline.
I dont see what the fuss is over having multiple baby showers. Im having my second child and my son is 2. I plan on having a shower because thats what you do when you have babies..........just my opinion. And i dont like meet the baby parties, people are going to be stopping by to see the baby anyway.
I'm just curious and since it looks like the OP has been answered. How many years apart should kids be in your opinion that it changes to "whatever but I'll be buying something cheap" vs "seriously, what a greedy woman" ? IMO it's 7 years.
I will not be having a 2nd shower and mine will be almost 9 years apart. I'm truly just curious on what the popular opinion is.
I'm just curious and since it looks like the OP has been answered. How many years apart should kids be in your opinion that it changes to "whatever but I'll be buying something cheap" vs "seriously, what a greedy woman" ? IMO it's 7 years.
I will not be having a 2nd shower and mine will be almost 9 years apart. I'm truly just curious on what the popular opinion is.
For me a baby shower was never for welcoming a mother to motherhood. My family uses it to welcome the soon to be baby. Its not about being greedy **rolls ees** if you dont like the idea of a second, third, or seventh baby shower dont come simple as that. their is no right or wrong but a second shower is definitely not wrong. If the woman wants to have a shower let her. sheesh
Re: having a 2nd baby shower
No, I don't like second showers. You're already a mom, I don't see the point of having another gift giving event for you.
Babies deserve to be celebrated but in this instance, I think a Meet the Baby party is more appropriate.
It's rude because the purpose of a "shower" is to buy a new mom gifts and welcome her into motherhood. It's not rude to have a party to celebrate a new life, there's a difference.
Like pps said, a shower is a gift to welcome you into motherhood. You're already a mom, so I would forego the shower and have a meet the baby party.
Sidenote:
Allierhiana1, your gifs are hilarious!
A shower is for gifts. That's its purpose, that's why its called a shower - because you shower the MTB with stuff.
A party is a party, anyone can host a party for a new baby. There is a vast difference. Some people (myself included) will bring a gift to a Meet the Baby party but its not mandatory.
Not really. What you are describing is a "Meet The Baby" party-- which I don't think that anyone would say that a MTB party was rude for a 2nd time mom.
In contrast, showers are strictly gift giving events.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
My aunt threw my DC area shower for DS, and when I told her we were expecting #2 she said "oh, good, another excuse for me to throw a fun shower!" I laughed and said "oh, no, thank you but we don't have room in our house for anything else!"
My hope is that she'll drop it entirely. If she doesn't, I'll suggest a sip n see after baby gets here.
There are ways to 'celebrate' baby that don't involve being showered with gifts (again).
A baby shower is to SHOWER the mother to be. Its not about celebrating the baby that isn't even born yet. Thats a meet the baby party. A shower is strictly to give gifts.
I agree with the majority of the other pps. A shower is to shower the new MTB wtih gifts so she'll be able to take care of the baby when she/he arrives. It is not a celebration of the baby...that can ONLY happen once the baby is born (well unless you're into celebrating fetus'). It is not just a get-together to hang out with friends...that would not be called a "shower". I've been invited to a 2nd shower and I certainly gave the side-eye but went since I was a friend...but I have to say that other friends also gave the side-eye. Some people mentioned "gift grabby" and I can certainly see why since we had just gone to a shower for this person a couple of years before.
If you want to have a shower and someone offers...just make it a sprinkle (which is like a mini-shower I suppose). Different guests then the first shower, except maybe your mom and MIL, no registration, no games, and most gifts are diapers and outfits. I guess you know your crowd so if it is the norm then say yes...but I'd still keep it toned down. I'm thinking it is not that common in your circle or you wouldn't be asking a group of strangers on the internet.
Personally I think guests would prefer a "Meet the Baby Party" for 2nd, 3rd, etc. babies so they get to actually see the baby. Not much fun to watch MTB open a bunch of packages of diapers and wipes...kwim?
When I was pg with #2, one of my friends was very eager to plan and have another baby shower for me. I politely but firmly declined. I had two reasons:
1) I knew that no matter how the invite was worded, people would know it was a baby shower and would feel like they had to bring a gift. I just felt uncomfortable with the whole thing.
2) I already owned practically every baby product imaginable, most of which were still in fine shape, despite the fact that my kids are 4 years apart and I had both a pink and a blue kid. There was a lot of stuff the first time around that I wound up never using. Honestly, I just didn't want to add to the clutter in my home.
My best college friends did a cool thing, though. At our regular girls' night out close to my EDD, they surprised me with a little mini celebration of having a boy. They each bought me one baby boy outfit. It was a nice way to acknowledge the expansion of my family without going overboard.
I'm invited to one next month for a 2 and there are 48 people invited. Ridiculous.
In our church, it's customary to throw a shower for your first baby that you've had since being at the church. We moved here when my son was an infant, so when my daughter was due, the ladies threw me a shower. Still in the idea of "firsts". I would vehemently refuse one this time (#3) but I really don't think anyone would suggest it this time.
Some people offer because they think they should...it's hard to discern. If two people have offered, I would politely decline. If they insist, as others said, I'd keep it very small.
Showers are typically for first time mothers to welcome her into motherhood. Some would give leeway for the babies being far apart in age (yours are not) or different genders (I don't see this as a valid exception), or if this is the husband's first child, but most on here will say "No" to second showers.
if people have offered, I would attempt to decline, as you should still have everything from your first child that can be reused. If they insist, I would- like others have suggested- keep it very small, do not register, and make sure nobody from your first shower- save your mother or MIL- is invited to this one.
What is so hard about saying no?
I promise you, they may offer because they think they should, but I know very few people that really really waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant to throw showers. It ends up being a couple hundred dollars out of pocket and a lot of stress. We do it for those we love, but come on, it's kind of a PITA.
That being said, to go back to my OP,
Scenario #1: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable having another shower so soon after having one for DD/DS."
"Really? You're sure?"
"Yup, I'm sure...thank you so much for offering though, it's very thoughtful!"
Scenario #2: "Thank you so much for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable having another shower so soon after the one for DD/DS"
"Oh come on..people want to celebrate!"
"I know and I'm super excited for the new baby to meet everyone after it's born, but I really don't need another shower. Once s/he is here, I can't wait to have a get together so everyone can come celebrate and meet him/her!"
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
All of this.
And BallSox, your DS is too adorable for words. Love the hat!
Thanks. He went on a spree where he wouldn't take it off ever.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I see no problem with it. There are no hard and fast rules for this stuff. If someone is offering to throw you one, I think it is more rude to say that you were told online that 2nd showers are rude. If it is okay with your circle of friends and family, who cares what anyone else thinks?
I'm pregnant with my second and we are going to throw a party with a few close friends and family members. We are not throwing a "meet the baby" party because I know from the last time that I will not be in the mood to entertain AT ALL for months after this second child is born. We will instead say that, even though my children will be four years apart, no gift are needed. We will not be registered. We will, however, be celebrating the new edition to our family with people who care about us and the coming child.
Do I care what anyone who is not invited to this party thinks? Hell, no. Some people won't be happy no matter what you do, you might as well enjoy yourself.
I've been to second showers with gifts and have no problem with them. Not everyone plans to have another kid, has them close together or has the same sex...I mean what the hell do you do if the second pregnancy is twins? Do you say, "No, I heard online it's tacky. I'm not a new mother so I won't be needing that double stroller, even though you've offered to throw me a party and buy me one."
Sorry, but that's ridiculous.
Do you not have a nice wedding because you've been married once before? I suppose some might be anal and insist that you shouldn't...but who cares about those people really? Special events are to be celebrated. If someone doesn't want to celebrate, it is very simple?they do not have to come.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
How fricking entitled can one person be? I don't think anyone could cram any more spoiled into one English sentence.
The first thing you do is be prepared to buy your own stroller.
The second thing you do is realize that no one has EVER said to themselves "Well, I really want to buy her a double stroller, but since she said she's not having a shower, I guess I can't buy her one."
What is so hard to grasp about this? If people want to buy you a present, they are going to do so even if you don't have a party. There exists no laws that say "Thou shalt only give gifts if forced to sit through a baby shower." But it goes back to the first thing you should do----be prepared to buy your own baby stuff on your own. You made the baby, not me. I very likely will want to buy you a present, but I like doing it on my own, not because I'm being guilted into it.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
I'm just curious and since it looks like the OP has been answered. How many years apart should kids be in your opinion that it changes to "whatever but I'll be buying something cheap" vs "seriously, what a greedy woman" ? IMO it's 7 years.
I will not be having a 2nd shower and mine will be almost 9 years apart. I'm truly just curious on what the popular opinion is.
For me a baby shower was never for welcoming a mother to motherhood. My family uses it to welcome the soon to be baby. Its not about being greedy **rolls ees** if you dont like the idea of a second, third, or seventh baby shower dont come simple as that. their is no right or wrong but a second shower is definitely not wrong. If the woman wants to have a shower let her. sheesh