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Multiples
Babies that don't cry and not CIO
Does anyone have any experience with twins that don't cry and successfully getting them to sleep through the night without CIO? Our twins don't cry (they have literally never cried for more than 30 seconds since birth). You can imagine that I am terrified of CIO - I don't have the stomach to do it. Looking for advice from moms with similarly calm babies that succeeded with sleep training without CIO.
Thanks in advance!
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Re: Babies that don't cry and not CIO
My friend has twins that are a week older than mine and hers cry a lot during the day but they sleep through the night. We were trying to figure out what was better since mine are terrible night sleepers! Mine are still little though.. only 14.5 weeks.
You can't really do anything to force them to sleep. If they're in the crib, calm and happy, fed, warm and clean - there is nothing more for you to do. Getting the baby to the point where they can lay there happily and fall asleep without crying is the goal of sleep training. So it doesn't sound like you need to do any. Let them rest and they will fall asleep eventually. Or maybe I'm not understanding the problem?
To clarify - if I didn't tend to their needs right away, they would cry.
We had one that NEVER cried. As in, happy 24 hours a day, one expression, totally silent. It was weird. But it wasn't a matter of us tending her needs right away - she just didn't cry. We popped her in the crib at 6 months and she never made a peep - happy as a clam.
Now, if they never cry because you get there before they WOULD, you need to know that eventually they're going to cry, and they NEED to cry. It's how they communicate. They will probably cry when you start sleep training. That's part of the deal. The good news is, they can't cry blood! You'll survive, I promise!
Then I don't get it either. Your babies do cry, but not much since you're usually able to manage their needs quickly enough...is that it? And you don't think you can handle the C in CIO?
The short answer is that you don't have to use CIO if you don't want to. But honestly, the premise of CIO is that letting them learn how to soothe themselves (and not just when it comes to sleep) is a valuable life skill.
Yes, the babies stop whining as soon as I come over and do x, y, or z. If I let them whine long enough they would cry. If they cried long enough.. I have no idea what would happen because they have never cried more than 30 seconds before being soothed.
Right - I'm looking for alternatives to CIO. I know my babies are too young to CIO, but I don't plan on CIO at 6 months right now either.
I'm not talking about sleep training now - I'm talking about it when they are ready in the future. Looking for alternatives to CIO for those who couldn't or wouldn't do CIO.
There are lots of alternatives to CIO. The No Cry Sleep Solution, Good Night, Sleep Tight are two options.
And I'm really amazed how with twins, they've never in their lives cried more than 30 seconds before you were able to get to them to soothe them. Are you always wearing one or something? I found that literally impossible with my twins. There were plenty of times when I was in the middle of changing one baby's blowout or something and the other one had to wait a minute. I would talk or sing soothingly to them while they waited and get to them as soon as I could.
I know there are alternatives but I am looking for what has actually worked for MOMs.
A big part of it is that we just really lucked out and got two really good babies. No one believes it until they come over and witness it. Then we get "my singleton was way harder than your twins" or "I'd take two of those any day over mine" etc etc. They are awesome babies. They whine for a while before they even cry out and even then there are no real tears and they can be immediately soothed.
Darn - we do EASY as well and they are champs at following it during the day. But nights have been a real struggle.
I'm not opposed to CIO but I will say my twins don't have to CIO to much. Of course as little infants they would cry to let us know if they were hungry or needed changed but by the time mine were 12 weeks they were STTN pretty willingly with almost no tears. They might fuss, babble, or whine (not to be confused with crying) a little bit but normally no real tears. I think part of the reason is from the time they were born I didn't jump up and tend to them the second they made a noise. Giving them the time to fuss or even cry a little allowed me an opportunity to learn what their different cries mean and also allowed them an opportunity to learn a little patience. This was something our Dr. told us we needed to do. They need to learn that sometimes they're going to just have to wait, thats life. I think them learning this helped them STTN without CIO very often. So you might try doing that now and then by the time you feel ready to sleep train maybe they'll go down easy without having to CIO. No one wants to hear their babies cry or whine but they eventually will at least a little and whether you agree with CIO or not they're going to, thats just the nature of having children.
Also I would encourage you to try and start establishing a strict schedual. I had a hard time doing this until after the first of the year when my husband started on days but when we did it was wonderful. The twins take naps around the same time everyday and bed time is close to the same time everynight. They lay down so good because they know thats just what we do at this point in the day. A good schedual helps them feel secure and know what to expect from their day.
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Thanks. I get why some people are saying I shouldn't jump at their every whim but they are complaining for a reason - hunger, diaper change, etc. It's instinctual for me to rush to them. I hope that's not at the detriment of sleeping through the night and that we can get there as well.
If you have any other tips, I'd love them!
If someone has a method that worked for them when the babies were this young, I'm all ears. Otherwise, my babies will be 6 months in 10 weeks which is pretty damn close so if they have advice for that time, that's great!
this. you obviously lucked out!
at 3 months my girls "magically" started sleeping though the nite...we had a bedtime routine we had in place starting around 9 weeks and they did great.
11 months was a different story - we had a sleep regression from hell and did modified CIO at that point.
I've found that 90% of what I do as a parent is trial and error.
I don't think people are telling her not to respond to her babies and quickly at that. I think people are just surprised that she's NEVER found herself in a situation where one baby had to cry for longer than 30 seconds simply because she could not get there in time (i.e. using the bathroom, taking a shower, etc.)
I respond to my babies needs as quickly as I can, but that sometimes means a few minutes of all out screaming as I'm tending to my 2 year old or getting out of the shower when the babies "should" have been asleep.
I am too lazy to read the responses.
Ours just needed time. We never did CIO - hubby was mainly taking care of them at night when I worked and he couldn't take it. By 6 months each took 2-3 bottles at night and fell right back asleep. By 9.5 months they finally started sleeping through the night. It just took time. I tried other stuff but nothing worked for us except time.
Good luck.
I never did CIO and my boys STTN on their own around 3m (7-8hrs. 6m for 12 hrs). I did a loose form of Babywise where (1) I tried really hard to give my boys a full feeding at every feeding during the day. they developed their own routine b/c of that. (2) did the eat-wake-sleep thing. (3) put them down to nap drowsy but awake so they'd figure out how to fall asleep on their own. (4) had a night time routine (bath, feed, bed at that age) and woke them around the same time each day, so each day was pretty consistent. I think that's what most people do now so it was nothing special, but it worked. GL!
Ditto. I don't care if it makes me a salty b---, but when I read this post originally I nearly harikaried myself. My boys are good sleepers, so I can't complain, nor can I comment in an useful way at all except to be a total A) skeptic and
jealous jerk. Never more than thirty seconds? That's...insane. My boys cry to communicate (move me, look at me, I'm hot, etc). They also cry when they have their nightly fussiness.
What happens if you leave them in their crib? As some said, if they don't cry, I'm not sure what the problem is. Have you tried to just leave them in there and see what happens? I'm not doing all out CIO, but there are times during the day where I know one of my boys is tired and I'll put him in the swing and let him CIO for like 1-2 minutes at which point he literally ALWAYS falls asleep. Just a thought.
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If I didn't tend to them right away, I'm sure they would cry. They have started crying before after whining but I have always been able to stop them right away. I have never let them cry to see what happens... This is how my boy lets me know he is annoyed - it's the whine before the cry. If I let him keep going, he'll start crying. If I react, he'll stop right away:
If I let him do what he is doing in the video long enough, he would start crying. That RARELY happens though and as I said, he calms down right away.
haha thanks for posting the video, that kills me! You would DIE if you saw my two screaming like wet ferrets while their bottles are warming up, when they are sick of laying down, when they are sick of sitting up, when they are tired of a toy, when they want out of their bumbos, and on and on and on. I guess they are just loud communicators. I've just gotten used to the crying so doing CIO wasn't a big deal for us and they still cry for about 5 minutes at every nap and nighttime (sometimes longer) and to me its nbd. FWIW they cry no matter what (if we hold them, bounce them, rock them, etc.) But it definitely isn't for everyone and I can see where crying would be hard to deal with if you haven't had much of it going on yet. There are a lot of things to try before you get to that point. I've heard great things about the No Cry Sleep Solution and the Baby Whisperer had some gentler sleep techniques as well so maybe give those a look. And if you try everything and eventually do find a need to experiment with some CIO just remember it is harder on you than it is on them!
Oh, believe me, I know how lucky we are! My friend brought over her twin babies and gave me a healthy lesson in multiples crying and what a typical day is like for her. I know it's hard to believe, but mine give you a healthy dose of whining before they even start crying. Once they start crying, you can soothe them instantly. The point of my post wasn't to rub my situation in (because remember - i'm barely getting any sleep at night!!!). It was to explain my situation in that I am NOT used to their crying; I have never been exposed to real crying except for shots so I think CIO would be 10x more difficult for me. So, I don't see CIO as an option. If I was used to them crying and they were cryers, I'd probably be the first to CIO at 6 months. Who knows.
If you ever run into a situation where you can't meet their needs immediately and they cry, just remember crying is part of their language to speak to you. It will be ok.
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