Nursery

sand&starfish · February 2013

Over the past few days I've had thoughts of Nathan's nursery creeping up - we didn't start putting his nursery together yet (but I had planned it out)- it had been my reading room, and we were waiting for our basement to be finished to move the furniture from the reading room/his nursery to the basement so we could start on it. Well, the basement has since been finished and I wanted to still move the furniture, so the nursery is now empty. The night we lost him my BIL moved everything we had for him (mostly clothes and stuffed animals from family) up into the attic so we didn't need to see it when we came home, which at the time I was thankful for, but now I am suddenly feeling like I want them back in his room, and like I wish that I had some space that I had done more with for him that I could go sit in to think about him, cry, read, whatever - just to make me feel a little closer to him and like there is more evidence that he existed within our home.

I talked with my therapist about it - she suggested painting the room a neutral color (so it could be changed easily in the future/painting would make it seem like a different room than the reading room it was), putting a chair in there, bringing some of his stuffed animals down and creating a designated space that I can go feel closer to him. I think that this could be a good idea.

So, my question is - for those of you that did do a nursery, do you sit in there ever, and if so does it help? Or for those of you that didn't put a nursery together yet - do you ever wish that you had and had the space?

I just feel that I went from being so relieved to not having had his nursery done to feeling sad that I hadn't done more, and would love to hear other's experiences.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · February 2013

We've actually moved since Corbin became an angel.

At the old house, his nursery was finished. After he left, the mere idea of his room hurt me to the core. The door to his room stayed closed for months. Eventually I worked up the courage to go in for a few minutes and then I would come out and close the door. After a few months I was able to leave the door open.

After we moved, I picked the perfect bedroom in the new house to be his. I remembered the exact color we painted his room at the old house and spent Labor day weekend painting his room that color. I then put everything back in his room as close to the exact same way as it was in the old house.

I sit in there a lot now. When I feel like I just need to have a good cry, I sit in there. When I just need time to think, I sit in there. I also tend to sit in there when I want to talk to him.

HullGut · February 2013

The nursery, no one ever says "maybe you shouldn't get it all ready just in case." We were all ready. Before I came home from the hospital my sister and Dad came to my house and moved all the baby stuff into Hunter's room. The night we got home after everyone left we went in there and cried for awhile. I'm glad we did because it took the pressure off. After a month we packed all his things up in Tupperware bins and put the big things in the closet. The crib is still set up and I also read,journal and cry in the glider at least once or twice a week. I haven't taken his name off the wall. I just can't yet. If my next baby is a boy I will use all that stuff.

my priest helped me see that my house wasn't Hunter's home. I was Hunter's home. We all were home to our babies. That really helped me.

Noethola · February 2013

When we came home from delivering Elsie, all I wanted to do was be in that room. I had spent so many hours pouring out my love to her through each thing I picked to put in there. I felt close to her, even though it hurt to think she would never get to enjoy them. DH and I stood in there, holding one another and sobbing. Probably because of that, I was never able to close the door. I felt like I was closing her out of our lives.

I packed up the clothes about a month later, and it was devastating. Another layer of saying goodbye to my baby girl. There were things in there I had collected for her from all over the world while I was pregnant, and it hurt to think about how she was alive and healthy when each of those items were purchased.

However, its my favorite room in my house. I love to go in there and sit for a while, journaling and writing her letters. I think about things from the other side: she was alive and happy when I was putting it together. I was able to love on her, and its the physical expression of that.

jebretz · February 2013

Sand&Starfish, I am on the same page as you... we hadn't even bout the furniture though. I think we knew it was so high risk that we were procrastinating. Since the birth I have finished painting a rocking chair, so I have that in the room with the blankets they were wrapped in and the memory box. I do sit in there sometimes, but it always feels so empty. I am considering painting it once it is a little warmer. We will use the same nursery stuff if we are blessed with a baby.

I mostly echo how you feel about there being evidence that they existed. The few things we had were packed up, and since the room is empty it's like we were never even pregnant.

Xath · February 2013

We were going to have Ellie sleep in our room until she slept through the night, and then move her into the nursery with J and they would share. I had already put all of her clothes into the dresser, and rearranged a few things, but it wasn't fully transformed yet, because we anticipated having a few months even after she was born.

So the nursery is still in use, but it's still just J's room. I sit in the rocker in there and go through all of the changes I had planned in my mind. If we're blessed with a rainbow, we probably won't live here anymore by the time he/she arrives, so all of those plans are just tucked away in my mind.

I just finished boxing up her clothes today. We set aside two outfits that were exclusively hers which we'll put in her memory box, and we're saving the rest with the hopes that future brothers/sisters will get to use them.

silverlining8d · February 2013

We have his set up the way it would have been if he came home with us but we have all of his memorial stuff-the bears and cards and even his urn in the crib where he should be. The middle of the floor is full with his car seat, stroller, diaper bag, ect. I don't go in there much now but I know I will tomorrow as it marks a month since the date of his birth/death. When I do, I usually hold his urn, I know it sounds creepy but it's a small box with his name on it and the weight of it...it's something. I know he would weigh more than that and it's not anything like a warm wiggly baby but I feel closer to him like that. We will take the items personal to him out at some point and probably leave the big stuff for when we try again but I am no where near ready for that.

PinkCamino · February 2013

We has just started emptying to room that would have been the girls nursery. We had ordered furniture and bought a ton of stuff for them. In my case, I felt the need to return everything. Family members argued that we could "reuse" their things with another baby and DH and I couldn't stomach the thought.

sand&starfish · February 2013

Thanks ladies - it's so helpful to hear everyone's experiences and know I'm not alone in all these thoughts. I did paint the room and set up a chair, and it's already made me feel better to have the space designated.

racheldj423 · February 2013

So sorry to hear about your loss. When we lost our sweet Isaac, we had the funeral in Chicago (we live in Sioux City), but we knew we would move back where I grew up someday. While we were in Chicago, I was so afraid to go back home and see the empty nursery. I talked to my parents about it and told them how I didn't want to face it. I didn't want to look at it every day, but I also didn't want to hide everything away. There's another couple in my home church that had also lost a baby. I liked what they said-- they liked keeping the nursery set up as hope for one day filling it up with more babies. To me, it's a sign that we will, Lord willing, fill it again someday. I like to go in there every now and then to just reflect on our loss and remember Isaac. But, everyone is different; just do whatever you feel is comfortable for you.

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