Hi everyone,
I know there have been similar posts before, but I'm just not sure how to handle this specific situation.
My MIL is hosting a small shower for DH's family + friends. DH's BFF lives in Florida, and we're in Ohio. We are particularly close with BFF's whole family (who all still live in Ohio), and so far have decided that his mom should be invited to the shower. BFF's sister goes to college in state (although 3 hours away) but we're thinking we should invite her too, since it's within driving distance.
The question comes whether or not we should invite BFF's wife. We know she won't be able to come, and I don't want them to feel like they have to send a gift. However, I also don't want them to feel left out since his mom and sister will be invited.
To send an invite or not to send an invite?
Re: Etiquette for inviting out-of-town friends
Do you consider his wife a friend? If so, then sure, invite her. But if she really is more "BFF's wife" and not really a FRIEND - no, I wouldn't. If it were a co-ed shower and you were inviting HIM, different story. But I don't know that I'd invite the wife of a friend in lieu of inviting the friend.
I would never ever expect an invite to a shower so far away.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My rule of thumb is, if you know the person will not come to the shower, then don't invite them.
Personally, I don't enjoy getting shower invitations for out of town or out of state showers and my feelings have never been hurt for being excluded from one. But that is just me, I know others feel differently.
It's hard to say, I've been stuck here too. My childhood next door neighbor, for example, threw me a bridal shower and it was beautiful and perfect. However, she lives in my hometown in Illinois while my in-laws are having my shower in Tennessee (I live in Georgia now). I was worried that inviting her would look a little gift-grabby and figured that it would be better to receive a gift from her unprompted than send an invitation, but I don't know! I would hate it if she felt snubbed also I didn't want to pad the guest list with too many people from my side since it's my in-laws party (one of the reasons it's in TN).
My best friend, however, who also lives in Illinois, insisted that she be invited as soon as she heard I was pregnant, so she got an invite. It's a delicate situation, on the one hand you don't want to snub anyone, on the other hand you don't want to seem like you're begging for presents. Maybe, when you send the invitation to BFFs mother, you address it to "the family" and leave it up to her to pass it along to BFF's wife? Best of luck!
I would tend to go this route as well. I had a best friend who lived 14 hours away and although she could have come (she knew she could stay with me and she had the time) she didn't which was OK with me. I knew she'd be hurt if I did not send her an invitation.
This
I am only inviting one OOT guest. I have been friends with her for 13 yrs and I have sent gifts for every one of her five children.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!
This
I am only inviting one OOT guest. I have been friends with her for 13 yrs and I have sent gifts for every one of her five children.
full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
married since 2011
TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
Bloodwork: normal
2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
New RE appt 8/14/12
IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
Beta #1 BFP! 97
Beta #2 234
Beta #3 4937
ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
10/20/12 graduated!!!
EDD 6/7/12
Team PINK!!