Baby Showers

Etiquette for inviting out-of-town friends

Hi everyone,

 

I know there have been similar posts before, but I'm just not sure how to handle this specific situation.

My MIL is hosting a small shower for DH's family + friends. DH's BFF lives in Florida, and we're in Ohio. We are particularly close with BFF's whole family (who all still live in Ohio), and so far have decided that his mom should be invited to the shower. BFF's sister goes to college in state (although 3 hours away) but we're thinking we should invite her too, since it's within driving distance. 

The question comes whether or not we should invite BFF's wife. We know she won't be able to come, and I don't want them to feel like they have to send a gift. However, I also don't want them to feel left out since his mom and sister will be invited.

To send an invite or not to send an invite? 

Re: Etiquette for inviting out-of-town friends

  • If you're inviting BFF's mom and sis, not inviting BFF's wife seems weird, even though she would likely not attend. Just include a note that you know she may not be able to come, but you'll be thinking of her and BFF and can't wait for them to meet LO.
  • Do you consider his wife a friend?  If so, then sure, invite her.  But if she really is more "BFF's wife" and not really a FRIEND - no, I wouldn't.  If it were a co-ed shower and you were inviting HIM, different story.  But I don't know that I'd invite the wife of a friend in lieu of inviting the friend. 

     I would never ever expect an invite to a shower so far away.

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  • My rule of thumb is, if you know the person will not come to the shower, then don't invite them. 

    Personally, I don't enjoy getting shower invitations for out of town or out of state showers and my feelings have never been hurt for being excluded from one.  But that is just me,  I know others feel differently. 

  • If you consider her a friend I'd invite her.  I have friends and family all over the country.  Those I talk to frequently got an invite.  I didn't want them to feel excluded but totally understood that they may not make it.  I'm in Michigan and have a cousin in Arizona who I haven't seen in 20+ years. She made a surprise appearance at my shower.  I know this probably isn't the norm...but it a very very awesome surprise.  You just never know! 
  • It's hard to say, I've been stuck here too.  My childhood next door neighbor, for example, threw me a bridal shower and it was beautiful and perfect.  However, she lives in my hometown in Illinois while my in-laws are having my shower in Tennessee (I live in Georgia now).  I was worried that inviting her would look a little gift-grabby and figured that it would be better to receive a gift from her unprompted than send an invitation, but I don't know!  I would hate it if she felt snubbed also I didn't want to pad the guest list with too many people from my side since it's my in-laws party (one of the reasons it's in TN).  

    My best friend, however, who also lives in Illinois, insisted that she be invited as soon as she heard I was pregnant, so she got an invite.  It's a delicate situation, on the one hand you don't want to snub anyone, on the other hand you don't want to seem like you're begging for presents.  Maybe, when you send the invitation to BFFs mother, you address it to "the family" and leave it up to her to pass it along to BFF's wife?  Best of luck!   

  • imagebaby Gs mommy:
    imageFemShep:
    If you're inviting BFF's mom and sis, not inviting BFF's wife seems weird, even though she would likely not attend. Just include a note that you know she may not be able to come, but you'll be thinking of her and BFF and can't wait for them to meet LO.
    This. You don't want her to feel excluded.

    I would tend to go this route as well.  I had a best friend who lived 14 hours away and although she could have come (she knew she could stay with me and she had the time) she didn't which was OK with me.  I knew she'd be hurt if I did not send her an invitation.

  • imageEastCoastBride:

    Do you consider his wife a friend?  If so, then sure, invite her.  But if she really is more "BFF's wife" and not really a FRIEND - no, I wouldn't.  If it were a co-ed shower and you were inviting HIM, different story.  But I don't know that I'd invite the wife of a friend in lieu of inviting the friend. 

     I would never ever expect an invite to a shower so far away.

    I agree with this. DH's BFF's wife has been invited to several parties on our behalf (engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party) and she never came. By the time my baby shower rolled around, I let DH know I didn't plan on putting her name on the guest list for my mom.
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  • imageFemShep:
    If you're inviting BFF's mom and sis, not inviting BFF's wife seems weird, even though she would likely not attend. Just include a note that you know she may not be able to come, but you'll be thinking of her and BFF and can't wait for them to meet LO.

    This

    I am only inviting one OOT guest.  I have been friends with her for 13 yrs and I have sent gifts for every one of her five children. 

    together since 2006
    full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
    married since 2011

    TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
    HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
    S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
    Bloodwork: normal
    2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
    Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
    New RE appt 8/14/12
    IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
    Beta #1 BFP! 97
    Beta #2 234
    Beta #3 4937
    ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
    10/20/12 graduated!!!
    EDD 6/7/12
    Team PINK!!

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  • imageFemShep:
    If you're inviting BFF's mom and sis, not inviting BFF's wife seems weird, even though she would likely not attend. Just include a note that you know she may not be able to come, but you'll be thinking of her and BFF and can't wait for them to meet LO.

    This

    I am only inviting one OOT guest.  I have been friends with her for 13 yrs and I have sent gifts for every one of her five children. 

    together since 2006
    full time stepmom to SS1 and SS2 since 2010
    married since 2011

    TTC since 7/2011 (no planned bc since 2008)
    HSG 11/2011: one blocked tube
    S/A 2/2012 and retest S/A 3/2012: normal
    Bloodwork: normal
    2nd HSG 5/2012: clear
    Femara cycle 5mg #1 7/14/12 + IUI #1 7/23/12 = bfn
    New RE appt 8/14/12
    IVF #1 meds 8/30/12. ER 9/14/2012: 7 retrieved, 6 fertilized. ET 9/19/12: 1 perfect embryo 5dt.
    Beta #1 BFP! 97
    Beta #2 234
    Beta #3 4937
    ultrasound #1 heart beat 127
    10/20/12 graduated!!!
    EDD 6/7/12
    Team PINK!!

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    BabyFruit Ticker
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