Blended Families

Ridiculous

X called yesterday said he might come visit today.  I said "fine".  In our conversation, I mention that DD is a little crabby, she's got a cold.  Conversation continues and he tells me that he's going to start his EOWE in two weeks. I say fine. 

He then says, "well maybe I'll wait and not come tomorrow if she's sick."  I tell him she has a cold.  It's not stomach flu. He says, "Well if she's not in the mood to see her daddy..." I interupt and say, "If you don't want to visit her, that's fine.  But a cold is not an excuse to not see her. She hasn't seen you in a month. She will want to see you."   We argue a little and he tells me, "Well text me tomorrow if she's in a good mood and wants to see me."  OMG.  I tell him as calmly as I can. "Either you want to see her, or you don't. It's a COLD.  I'm not going to text you and tell you if you should come or not."

He says, "Okay Hateful. I guess I'll let you know tomorrow morning."

ARRRRRGHH!!  He's infuriating.  Why does he consider me his social coordinator between him and his own daughter?  I try not to sound b*tchy.  I do my best to tell him firmly and not fall into the old trap of just handling everything. It's time to grow up and take care of your own business!

He calls at 9:00 this morning. He's half way here.  Good.

He spends 2 hours with her. 45 minutes of that was running to Walmart to buy her presents and run thru McDonalds. He brings her and her lunch back here and sits with her here while I do work. I just don't know how he can only spend 2 hours with her. I'd spend as much time as I could in his situation. But that's not for me to decide I guess. 

The good thing that came out of it is I got the tax paperwork back so we can finalize the bankruptcy, and find out if we get this years and last years refund soon.  And we didn't fight at all.  We do good with each other in front of DD.  It breaks my heart tho every time DD and X see each other in a long time. She obviously misses him and gave him lots of hugs and kisses. That part kills me. I tear up every time.   She loves her daddy.  That's a good thing, it just makes it hard for me with the divorce and all and I hate it had to come to this. It is what it is tho.

He promises to meet half way and get her in two weeks. Let's hope it finally gets off to a nice start and stays that way.

"he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval

Re: Ridiculous

  • imagetifanico:
    Did you guys already agree to a visitation schedule? I would not do visit with such a short notice. If he wants to see her, he needs to let you know in advance.I think you give him the power to make you upset all the time J. You know I say this with love but you need to stop him. You divorced him so younbsp;don'tnbsp;have to deal with his BS but you are still letting him.I understand that you try to do your best for him to see DD because she misses daddy but honestly this is putting you in a bad emotional spot. You have to understand that if henbsp;doesn'tnbsp;want to see DD and their relationship goes to the gutter it's on him, not you.nbsp;

    I think Tif makes great points. All you should be doing is being available for when he is supposed to see her, you cannot make their relationship.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • I don't intend to.  This is still quite new and I can't help but feel a tug when I see her miss her daddy.

    I realize I will have to come to terms if he does not pull his weight, but this is still too new to me for it to come easily and detach myself emotionally when I know and have personally witnessed the potential outcome with his previous daughters.

    It's one of the things as a parent, I know I will have to learn.  To let go and allow DD to experience and cope with the difficult things. All I can do is be there and teach her the best way to handle it without becoming angry and hateful.

    The angry part will be hard when I am working on that myself.  It will come. I intend to keep working on it.

    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
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  • It's also frustrating to watch someone not make the effort that they claim they would do.  Lord knows nothing would keep me from DD. Nothing. 
    "he offered her the world. she said she had her own" - poet Monique Duval
  • imagejustj:
    It's also frustrating to watch someone not make the effort that they claim they would do.nbsp; Lord knows nothing would keep me from DD. Nothing.nbsp;


    And that is why we think you need to step back and not let him tell you that he will not take his time with her but wants you to be on call for the next day in case he decides to show up. And I know how much you want it to work our for your DD, I wish you were really able to control that and I fear that giving into him here and there will give him more excuses.

    That said, you are doing amazing. Seriously no one would blame you if you were a biotch and did everything to make it difficult for him. It could be so much worse than us recommending that you stop trying to make it all better!
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
  • It sucks to see your kids  hurt and disappointed.  Plain and simple.  I understand where you're coming from there.  Just try to remind yourself that you do all you can to make her life good and happy, and you're not the one hurting her.  The guilt shouldn't be your burden to bear.
    Mama of 2: one who grew in my womb, both who grow in my heart.
  • Ditto wendi.  You are strong and DD will be, too. 

    I think you should come to terms with the fact that he will not pull his own weight and you are basically a single parent with no assistance.  He's just a relative to DD, not a parent or a father.

    Are you in any type of counseling?

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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