Need advice? DH is so stubborn (sorry ridic long)

designer303 · February 2013

So My DH and I have been quietly debating whether to live in the city or the suburbs pretty much ever since we got our BFP with G. He has been stuck on staying in the city and I have never felt that it was the right answer for G. So I have been doing tons of research and finally found an amazing suburb (Top rated schools, 15 commute to the city, beautiful houses and even a small cute "downtown") So I presented this idea to DH a few weeks ago and he was okay maybe and then agreed to go look at houses and drive around the neighborhood yesterday- we didnt find a house that we liked, but he kept going on about what a great neighborhood it was and how he was so glad that I found it. So we are talking last night and I say that the realtor is going to keep an eye out for the right house for us so that when it comes on the market we can jump on it as the neighborhood isnt that big and there are literally 20 houses on the market and there have been bidding wars over the houses that are selling. Then we are walking to work this morning and he goes off saying that he is not moving anytime soon and doesn't even know why I am having the realtor watching the market. He says this as we about to part ways and so now I'm fuming. He is basically saying that he wont move until I get pg again or G is ready for school.

We are not currently TTC, but plan to start in the fall and I dont want to start TCC until we have a house to live in- we are currently in a 2 bed so we couldn't stay there long with #2 on the way and I dont want to spend my whole pg house hunting, selling, buying and moving houses. Mostly because I already feel overwhelmed most days between work, taking care of G, etc. I can't imagine doing all of that while pg and all the house stuff, especially because I ended up on bed rest for the last 8 weeks and still delivered at 37 weeks. Lastly Dh keeps making comments like I'm not mioving yet because there wont be a baby for 2 years and that feels like a jab at me since it took us 2 years to get KU when we started trying for G and so in one fell swoop by refusing to move anytime soon, I feel reminded that I had major infertility issues and that will likely be the case again, stressed that if we were lucky enough to get KU on our own we will be totally unprepared as far as living arrangements go and just pissed that I feel like I'm always fighting uphill battle on this topic. I am tired of fighting, but I don't feel like I can give up. Thats it- gotten it all out, major thank you if you actually read all this junk and if you have thoughts that might help it would be greatly appreciated- I feel exhausted...

jesselayne8 · February 2013

I'm sorry you can't agree right now. I also wanted to say that just because it took a long time to get pregnant last time doesn't mean it will take that long the 2nd time. I am proof of that and there are many women on SAIF with similar stories.

I agree there is no harm in watching and waiting for the perfect house. It may not be on the market exactly when your hubby decides to move. We had that problem when we moved here. Only had 3 houses to choose from because we wanted a certain school district and a short commute to the city for DH.

[Deleted User] · February 2013

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designer303 · February 2013

Thanks and I know Dh doesnt mean it to be mean- I just hate that everytime we talk he is like well if we start in the fall it will be atleast 8 mo before we get pg and its not open for discussion. I feel that it maybe possible that we will get lucky and get KU soon after we start to TTC, but I know the other is a possibility too. I have just tried to express to DH that I will feel very stressed if we find our selves pg and havent found a house and then need to look and as Jesselayne said when that happens there may not be any good houses available at that time- since there arent any homes that would work for us available now. I feel that since I had such a difficult pregnancy that I might again and I would really like to be settled before we TTC just so that things could be calm when we do get pg. While I know he he means that it will be two years before #2 arrives he means inlcuding the pg time, etc. But I have to ask if you were to choose and were making plans for your future would you choose to house hunt and move either while pg or with a newborn if you didnt have to? Just to stay in the city for a little while longer? and I think what really hurts is that he doesnt want to discuss it- its like well I'm not doing etc... I'm supposed to feel lucky that he is even considering the suburbs and that the time table will be his or I can just deal with staying in the city... Just feel so ruled upon sometimes...

I really appreciate the support and perspective

jesselayne8 · February 2013

I would wait for the perfect house or the BFP which ever comes first.

designer303 · February 2013

jesselayne8:
I would wait for the perfect house or the BFP which ever comes first.

Thanks just had lunch with DH and this is our plan Really appreciate being able to vent/ share and get supportive feedback. Really means a lot

sportsmomma · February 2013

The other ladies have great advice! Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Seems like the only thing DH and I argue about is houses. I'll admit I'm the one who goes back an forth on everything. One day in happy to move far out in the burbs so we can afford a perfect house and others I want to stay right where we are and get a smaller house. Sometimes I even want to go for a whole change of scenery and move back home to where I'm from which is a small town. We're in the same boat with a 2BR and wanting to TTC in the Fall. I really hope your perfect house comes on the market soon!!!

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