First pregnancy. First MC

Zriseon3 · February 2013

Today I lost my first pregnancy. I found out before my missed period that I was pregnant. We weren't trying but we were very excited. At 5 weeks I started spotting lightly and had mild cramps. The doctor had my levels checked and did an ultrasound. There was nothing seen but it was still early however my levels were at 235. A repeat test two days later showed the levels dropped to 220. The dr worried about ectopic and had my levels checked again and told me to expect to lose the pregnancy. My levels then dropped to 140. So ectopic was ruled out but I started cramping very badly and the bleeding picked up. This has been the worst experience of my life. My biggest fear has always been that I would not be able to have children and it feels as if I'm one step closer to that fear being realized. It took my husband until this evening to fully sink in that we weren't having a baby. I feel bad that I couldn't carry this baby for him. I know its not my fault and I did everything by the book but its hard to not find blame in myself. No woman should ever have to experience this. I just wanted to tell my story. And I'm here to talk to anyone who is going through this or worried about it happening. It's important to know that it happens because the pregnancy wasn't healthy and you're body is doing what's best for you and the baby. So many women don't speak about it and we all need to support each other. Thanks for reading.

Avion22 · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost our first baby as well. What you wrote about how you feel -- I could have written that. It so closely matches my emotions. And it's such a lonely feeling because nobody talks about it.

You have found a safe place here. I'm so sorry that you have been through this, but glad that you found us.

blacksred · February 2013

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our first pregnancy too,

dragonfly711 · February 2013

We lost our first Thurs found out no heartbeat had DnC on Friday.
I don't even know how I feel right now. Fine one mins so upset the next.

His happens to more women than we realize since no one talks about it. Talking does help and knowing we can try again helps too and knowing it is not my fault helps.
Things happen for a reason.
I a so sorry for your loss we are here for you. So glad to be able to talk to you girls on here.

Jska40 · February 2013

This was also my first pregnancy. My mother has been telling me since I was 16 I wouldn't be able to have children and to think about adopting. Her reasoning was because I had been on bc since I was 12 and have family history of endometriosis. All my doctors have told me she is crazy but it still hurts being known as the one in the family who can't have kids. I'm the only one in my family who didn't get pregnant before they were 20 and the only one in my family to ever have a miscarriage. It makes it harder to talk to my sister or mom about it because they have doubted me from the beginning.

LizaC79 · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. I totally understand the feeling of guilt -- even though it's not based in any sort of reality -- because I feel the same way. And I share your fears as well. I just keep trying to remind myself that it is so much more common than we know, and SO many women who have had miscarriages have also gone on to have healthy pregnancies. In fact, since this happened, I've learned about four women in my circle of friends and family who have had this happen and gone on to have healthy pregnancies afterwards. I'm trying to hold onto that hope. I do think it would be better, in a way, if people talked about it more, so when it does happen we didn't feel alone.

Hugs. Nothing can make it easier right now, but I hope you find support and comfort here.

Kimbac13 · February 2013

So sorry for your loss. I too just lost my first pregnancy. I struggle with the same feelings that you describe. Please know that not only are you not alone, but that many women go on to have several healthy pregnancies and raise beautiful children after a miscarriage. My MIL had three children after having 3 miscarriages in a row. My SIL had a miscarriage, then went on to have 3 happy healthy rambunctious boys. No one knows why these things happen, but for some reason they do.

I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Please feel free to come here to chat if you need support.

Kimbac13 · February 2013

Jska40:
This was also my first pregnancy. My mother has been telling me since I was 16 I wouldn't be able to have children and to think about adopting. Her reasoning was because I had been on bc since I was 12 and have family history of endometriosis. All my doctors have told me she is crazy but it still hurts being known as the one in the family who can't have kids. I'm the only one in my family who didn't get pregnant before they were 20 and the only one in my family to ever have a miscarriage. It makes it harder to talk to my sister or mom about it because they have doubted me from the beginning.

I am so very sorry to hear that you're struggling with this and that you lack support from your family. I am so very sorry for your loss.

That said, shame on your mother for burdening a 16 year old with fears of infertility. You do not mention how old you are now, but rest assured that there is plenty of time after 20 to get pregnant! Teen pregnancy is not an accomplishment.

gothiccandy42 · February 2013

Youcertainly aren't alone. I was told at a young age I might not be able to conceive or carry a pregnancy. We tried anyway and had two miscarriages almost a year apart. The 2nd just a month after my first due date. I found out I was pregnant and started bleeding at 6 weeks the third time. When I went to the ultrasound the tech started turning the screen my way and I covered my eyes thinking "I don't want to see my undeveloped baby!" I hear, "Look, it's your babies heartbeat!" I started crying instantly. 10 months later I sit here with her in one arm as I type this. Hang in there and hopefully your story will turn out as happy. Nothing I say will make you feel better, and I agree, I felt worst because I felt like I failed the father. But you are right it isn't your fault, or his, or anyone elses. The universe unfolds as it must.

jmb7712 · February 2013

Almost a year ago this was almost my exact first post. My husband and I found out we were expecting our first in March, and got beyond excited. I went in for an early ultrasound bc of high levels to see if there was twins. At 6 weeks we saw our baby's beautiful heartbeat. 3 weeks later we went in for our first prenatal. Well we didn't get past the ultrasound because our heartbeat was gone and the baby had stopped growing just 3 days before at 8.5 weeks. The words "I'm sorry I don't see a heartbeat" haunted me for months and months. I cried everyday for months. We started TTC after 2 cycles. 6 months after the D and C in Oct we were extatic to get another BFP. A week later I wound up in the ER with excruciating cramps. Too early for an US, but my levels were rising. Left without answers. Days later, my hog doubled again, and they booked my first prenatal apt. The next day, the heavy bleeding started. My level started its plunge, and I started to miscarry my 2nd little baby at work (ended up leaving). We then started asking why. But like you, my biggest fear of not being able to have children kept getting more real. We started seeing a specialist in infertility and began the few month long testing, finding nothing but mild male abnormalities in his sperm that would prevent a preg, not stop it once it occurs. So this January we did our 2nd assisted cycle with injectable meds (first didn't work) and the doc did what's called an IUI (intrauterine insemination). 2 weeks later on jan 28th I got our 3rd BFP. We were once again, thrilled. First blood levels that week came back fantastic. The next week they continued doubling wonderfully. At 5w5d we saw the first of our baby's heartbeat. We were on cloud nine. We thought 3rd times a charm! We had help, how could this not work! Plus you m/c rate decreases to under 5% once you see a HB (even tho we did with the 1st too). Well this past Friday we had our first prenatal apt at the 7week mark. Once again, we found our world shattered, and again I heard the words "I'm so sorry I don't see a heartbeat." I'm scheduled for a d and c tomorrow. They have no answers for us. They will be testing to see if the baby had chromosomal problems this time. I, like you feel the exact same.... Again. I'm angry. So beyond angry. I'm depressed, I can't sleep. I work in an ER as a nurse and can't tell you how many times I take care of junkies who continue shooting up their whole pregnancies and never have issues. There is no justification in this life. Why do horrible, horrible thing happen, and in our case continue to happen over and over to good people. It's sickening. The past year of my life has been the most challenging I could ever imagine. And yet here I am again, completely shattered. 3 babies ill never get to hold and watch grow. Who knows at this point if I ever will. Sorry this is so long, but it somehow helps to type out your feelings and share your stories like you said. You are not alone, this website has saved me from going off the deep end bc I felt so alone. No one understands how you feel but mothers who have experienced this first hand. And here, we all have. It doesn't go away, but it does get easier. I wish you the best of luck, feel free to PM me if you want to talk of have any questions.

Zriseon3 · February 2013

Thank you all for your replies. It really does help to talk about it. It's a horrible thing to go through. And I agree that it is hard to see women who don't want kids get pregnant and have healthy pregnancies. It does make the jealousy kick in quite a bit.

PinkCamino · February 2013

I am so sorry for your loss ((HUGS))

BellanieNJ · February 2013

I am in that boat with you!

I found out in January that my husband and I were pregnant with our first -- about 7 weeks along. We felt extremely blessed considering that I had an abdominal myomectomy for a removal of a large fibroid about 6 months before. We were convinced we would have trouble conceiving so you can just imagine how thrilled we were!

We waited to share the news until last week -- and announced the baby's arrival to our family's on my dad's birthday. They were all so happy.

This Thursday, I started spotting...nothing seemed wrong...I had no pain or other symptoms. But slowly, the spotting became more prolonged and heavier until finally I woke up Saturday to heavy bleeding. I rushed to the ER and after an ultrasound, I was told the baby was there...but the heartbeat was not. I was stunned....by pain and confusion and disappointment.

Because I wasn't in physical pain, they opted to send me home so I could have a natural miscarriage. I cannot describe the hurt...it was more than physical. I had no time to say goodbye.

So two days later, I am devastated. I miss my baby...I miss the promise my baby had...and yes, I'll even say it...I miss feeling like crud for weeks at a time because I was doing it all for my baby. That made it worthwhile.

But even though I am incredibly sad, I do find comfort knowing that my body works. That I can get pregnant and that when something is wrong, my body will do whatever it has to do to ensure the best outcome for me and the baby. That gives me hope for a future healthy, happy pregnancy and family.

I hope that everyone who has to go thru a miscarriage can find solace in the stories of others as I have on this forum. I thank you all for sharing!

DRB7586 · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss and glad you found this board. This happened to me 2 weeks ago with our first pregnancy as well (I was 8 weeks). It might help and it might not help to think about how unsettlingly common this is and how many women have healthy pregnancies after this. Not that you should think about the future until you're ready but, this doesn't mean your journey is over, only that it's a little delayed. We're all in this same devastating sinking boat but I believe we'll find a life raft. Don't feel alone though, we all started off feeling that way but you came to the right place. All of our hearts break for you. Take care of yourself.

REDEROSA · February 2013

I understand your feelings and everything you are going through right now.

My husband and I went back to see our doctor yesterday to check the progress of the baby and the doctor said the baby had not progressed as he had hoped and he was diagnosing it as a miscarriage. We were just at 6 weeks.

He told us we can wait to allow my body to naturally pass it or he could give me medication to make it happen. I couldn't respond to him...

I am 39 years old and this was our first pregnancy. With my infertility we had a 5% chance of conceiving on our own and we did it. 5% and yesterday we were told our hopes and dreams were crushed.

I am heartbroken and feel empty. Mostly I am deathly scared of going through a natural miscarriage. Knowing that my child which I conceived in love is passing through me and leaving me is almost too much to bear. You all make it sound like its pretty much a normal period...but I'm still deathly scared.

-Heartbroken in Austin

justneh · February 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. But I have been going through the exact same thing...
The doc couldn't find any sac or yolk even at 5 weeks.. Not even I'm the tubes.. But due to the hcg levels and my u/s he was sure it was ectopic.. Then yest I started spotting with cramps and I went to him again toddy.. They did an u/s again only to see done fluid inside which he was worried is done internal bleeding.. He convinced my husband and me that this could be life threatening for me.. And I took the injection.. It's only been a few hours but I just cannot stop crying.. I keep feeling like I killed my baby.. I feel like I didn't try hard enough.. : I wish I knew how to deal with this loss..

Want a personalized experience?

First pregnancy. First MC

Re: First pregnancy. First MC

Choose Another Board

Search Boards